it's been a really long while since i updated my blog and it seems like if i don't do so soon, i'm going to lose touch with this avenue of writing, which i obviously don't want to happen.
i really like to write about things that i feel strongly about but then again i'm generally a really lazy person so it takes me a lot of willpower to get down to doing something.
a month has passed since a levels ended and i'm not sure if my post-a's euphoria and ecstasy was something i imagined to be like this.
i never pictured freedom to be something so.... bitter-tasting as this.
it is not exactly bitter, but rather a tasteless drug that occasionally releases bouts of bitterness.
post-a's hasn't been the most exciting and neither has it been the most anticipated moment of my life.
sure, i'm free from my studies but life never comes easy as always.
it is so much less enticing now given the whole irony of a "quiet freedom".
my life is pretty much revolving around nothing but running man, maple, work, and occasional movies.
i rarely go out now or meet up with friends despite my level of freedom after the exams right now.
call me lazy or what but i don't like to initiate things so i guess this passiveness is going to kill me someday somehow hahaha.
i feel like i'm gradually becoming a boxed-up introvert cum couch potato who is gradually losing touch with all her friends one by one.
it's sad that our generation relies on whatsapp so much that i'm losing the human touch.
call me heartless but i don't exactly look forward to any outings of any sort anymore. (any has been repeated purposely for emphasis)
i no longer feel the happiness inside of me that i once did; the times when i got to hang out with the people i really loved.
all i wish is to stay at home (which i clearly know i will degenerate into a useless piece of trash soon and hence isn't beneficial for me) and do absolutely nothing.
somehow, i am craving for something less sought after - and that is prized family time.
after starting work, not only has it taught me that you gotta slog your guts out for money, but also how precious time is.
time is such a confusing concept.
it's funny how time passes really slowly when you're bored (at work), but during times like these my mind wanders off to think about all the precious family time that has diverged away towards a commitment of holding a job.
and it definitely makes me miss home a little more.
never will you find the same warmth and sense of acceptance at home anywhere else and neither will you ever find a greater source of comfort and love elsewhere.
sometimes i think humans are really silly creatures for everything we do is done in comparison.
only when we are put outside of our comfort zone will we realize how blessed we are.
only when we are thrown into a worse-off place will we understand what a good life we lead.
i'm currently standing on the edge and contemplating over certain matters (no definitely not suicide) but i hope i'll think through things and not act upon my emotions like i always do.
sometimes i also can't believe i'm already 18, or should i say, i'm only 18.
i'm already 18 - i've been through so much. i've seen so much of this world i'm starting to lose faith in humanity as i grow in age. 18 years of a roller-coaster ride that is life has definitely put me through the best and worst times. but i guess the best part of it all is knowing that i'm never alone though sometimes i fail to realize that.
but then again, i'm only 18.
the world is only slowly unravelling itself to me. 18 years have passed but i have a long life ahead of me to lead, just when i think the world is already as ugly as it is, things start tumbling downhill and they just get even uglier. i know i still have a lot to learn and see, i've a really long way to go. but i guess the best part of it all is knowing that i'll meet new people and new faces who will probably change my perspective on things or impact me in some way or another.
it's terrifying, isn't it?
that we are living in this cold, contemptuous world filled with so much of greed and hatred.
it's scaring so much that sometimes i feel i'm losing myself and who i really am.
a year ago, or at least a month ago, i loved doing things for others and basked in our shared happiness.
but the now me suddenly just wants some alone time, for myself to just barely stay alive (figuratively).
don't know if i'm growing old or growing up but i am lacking so much in passion right now i don't think it's really healthy for me.
what is a life devoid of love and fiery passion.
for now, i guess i'll just take things as they come and let that inner passive voice of mine from within overwhelm me for the time being.
until the time when i figure is right for me to emerge from my shell, renewed in strength and vigour.
on a really irrelevant and somewhat utopian side note, i am still dreaming about my not-too-impossible getaway to korea for 30 days.
really hoping that i'll get the chance to do the above stated.
that's one to go on my bucket list.
okay i seriously need to end this post soon.
it's flooding with so much negativity i don't know if it's within one's capacity to take.
since i don't like to end off posts on a sad note, here's to hoping for better days ahead. xx
(happy belated christmas to all you random people out there reading this (^・ω・^ ))
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Monday, November 17, 2014
quick update
75% done with a's and hence i'm back for a quick while.
i'll try to keep this short.
i don't know why but i feel like i've been thinking a lot recently.
despite a's being my biggest priority now, when darkness falls and it's past midnight, that's when the weird thoughts start creeping in.
i've always been a night-person, i love staying up late.
be it to talk to others, to play games or to watch shows (studying is an exception), night time is always the best.
so recently i found a quote on twitter that said:
"you have to find the right distance between people. too close, and they overwhelm you, too far and they abandon you."
many people have said that i'm a "sociable" person, that i have a really wide social circle and i have many good friends.
"you have to find the right distance between people. too close, and they overwhelm you, too far and they abandon you."
many people have said that i'm a "sociable" person, that i have a really wide social circle and i have many good friends.
to be honest i personally feel otherwise.
honestly, i'm not the nicest kind of person you'd first meet because i always give off this bloody long fml face.
neither am i a social butterfly who says hi to the people i kinda know but then again don't know.
but i would seek comfort in the fact that i have quite a few close friends whom i am entirely comfortable with.
however i don't know how long these friendships will last, because from past experience, i'm never good with sustaining relationships with others.
not that i don't want to, and in fact i really want to develop long-term relations, but sometimes i just don't know how to go about doing it.
not that i am doubting my friends as individuals but sometimes i feel i can't handle things well enough for a long-term friendship to develop.
coming to jc made me realize what a bitch i am actually.
how is it that my friendships with guys and girls fail to turn out nicely in the end?
does the fault lie with me?
i don't know but sometimes i really doubt myself.
and i hate it that sometimes my impulses get the better of me.
just when i thought things became better, there are just some things about a person that will never change huh?
control, jamie, control.
Friday, September 12, 2014
fifty
i like to write.
i like to write about things.
i like to write about things that speak to me.
i like to write about things that speak to me because i feel satisfied.
i like to write about things that speak to me because i feel satisfied after speaking my mind.
-
but what use is there?
it is currently 6.26pm and i have just showered and am now having my dinner.
my mind is filled with thoughts, thoughts of uncertainty and uneasiness, some of which i consider to be of absolute redundance.
as my fingers prance about the keyboard at a slow but steady pace, i am again, going to blog, despite knowing that i shouldn't be wasting my time away like this.
i can't help but submit another entry because i am feeling disappointed, angry and tired.
disappointment.
seeing what a mess i am right now in my academics is something that is truly, truly scaring my wits.
though the past 2 years of being in college has definitely strengthened my will and enhanced my resilience, i don't know if this feeling of apathy towards my results is entirely a good thing.
call me nerdy for touching on the topic of studies again if you'd like, but let's all admit that inside each and every one of us lies a faint feeling of defeat and lethargy.
we are only about 50 days away to a levels and i don't know how each and every contender is feeling, but i can be sure that those who've taken their prelims and received their results must be dying a little inside each day.
i may sound a little melodramatic but let's face this hard truth.
for most of us who didn't perform up to standard, i guess we must be feeling this weird sense of an 'indifferent fear'.
you know you've really tried this time, but yet the results are showing otherwise, hence the fear.
then again, you don't know how hard you need to push yourself for the remaining 8 weeks because you simply don't know where to begin, hence the nonchalance.
what exactly went wrong?
you feel small, exceptionally small, with the mountains of effort and hard work you've invested all crumbling down on you.
are you not working hard enough?
sometimes you just feel like you're never going to make it at this rate, and every time you try to push yourself even harder it just ends up in vain.
i cannot imagine what my life for the next 50 days would be like, but all i ask is that we pull through this together and make it out, alive.
anger.
was feeling a little enraged on the inside after reading some rants about people feeling "stressed".
mind you they are from top schools.
okay i must admit that obviously everyone is feeling tired and all that pressure pent up has got to be released somehow, but the fact that they already have an edge over the rest of us here slogging our guts out answers everything.
after o levels i never dared to believe anything about "hard work paying off" or anything along these lines because sometimes it really takes a bit of luck and a lot of brains.
the fact that you succeeded for o's has already brought you up to a "better" school so you shouldn't have much to worry about.
the people who should be worried seriously ought to be those who are barely getting by.
we have to work doubly hard to match up to your level; and i'm not even talking about overtaking.
to even catch up to you we have to slog our asses off, and then somewhere somehow there'll be someone who'll be mocking at you by saying "too bad that you fell behind".
this competition is crazy and i consider myself to be cynical about this whole "education rat race".
i'm not and i won't be sorry for not being able to catch up, in fact, i'm just ashamed to be a part of this society that fails to recognise each and every single individual's talents.
it's society's loss that fails to utilise its people and their gifts effectively.
is it my fault that i suck at the subjects that are required to obtain a cert????
no it is not.
is it my fault that my only strength and interest lies in language????
no it is not.
is it my fault that i am failing time and time again after umpteen tries????
no it is not.
this whole paper qualification sorting mechanism is not bad; it's disastrous.
you feed those who have got a degree but let those without one starve.
and the result of it all? a burgeoning middle-class of angry individuals who are deprived of opportunities, and even life.
call this whole thing "education", seriously.
what is education if you don't bring out the best and uncover each an every individual's potential?
fatigue.
never ever felt the need to sleep this much before.
call it stress, but yeah, it's sad.
i'm so worn out but there is clearly no time to stop, rest and recharge ourselves.
time is ticking, days are passing, society is progressing, without you.
tired is the word but i guess there's always other things in life that make you feel motivated.
all i need is a little bit of motivation, a little bit of encouragement, a little bit of determination that will tide me through the next 3 months.
please.
in the meantime, i'll make it up as i go... :)
p.s. took me a lot of courage to post this but yeah, i did anyway. don't take anything to heart; just a harmless perspective of a cynical schooling teenager lol.
i like to write about things.
i like to write about things that speak to me.
i like to write about things that speak to me because i feel satisfied.
i like to write about things that speak to me because i feel satisfied after speaking my mind.
-
but what use is there?
it is currently 6.26pm and i have just showered and am now having my dinner.
my mind is filled with thoughts, thoughts of uncertainty and uneasiness, some of which i consider to be of absolute redundance.
as my fingers prance about the keyboard at a slow but steady pace, i am again, going to blog, despite knowing that i shouldn't be wasting my time away like this.
i can't help but submit another entry because i am feeling disappointed, angry and tired.
disappointment.
seeing what a mess i am right now in my academics is something that is truly, truly scaring my wits.
though the past 2 years of being in college has definitely strengthened my will and enhanced my resilience, i don't know if this feeling of apathy towards my results is entirely a good thing.
call me nerdy for touching on the topic of studies again if you'd like, but let's all admit that inside each and every one of us lies a faint feeling of defeat and lethargy.
we are only about 50 days away to a levels and i don't know how each and every contender is feeling, but i can be sure that those who've taken their prelims and received their results must be dying a little inside each day.
i may sound a little melodramatic but let's face this hard truth.
for most of us who didn't perform up to standard, i guess we must be feeling this weird sense of an 'indifferent fear'.
you know you've really tried this time, but yet the results are showing otherwise, hence the fear.
then again, you don't know how hard you need to push yourself for the remaining 8 weeks because you simply don't know where to begin, hence the nonchalance.
what exactly went wrong?
you feel small, exceptionally small, with the mountains of effort and hard work you've invested all crumbling down on you.
are you not working hard enough?
sometimes you just feel like you're never going to make it at this rate, and every time you try to push yourself even harder it just ends up in vain.
i cannot imagine what my life for the next 50 days would be like, but all i ask is that we pull through this together and make it out, alive.
anger.
was feeling a little enraged on the inside after reading some rants about people feeling "stressed".
mind you they are from top schools.
okay i must admit that obviously everyone is feeling tired and all that pressure pent up has got to be released somehow, but the fact that they already have an edge over the rest of us here slogging our guts out answers everything.
after o levels i never dared to believe anything about "hard work paying off" or anything along these lines because sometimes it really takes a bit of luck and a lot of brains.
the fact that you succeeded for o's has already brought you up to a "better" school so you shouldn't have much to worry about.
the people who should be worried seriously ought to be those who are barely getting by.
we have to work doubly hard to match up to your level; and i'm not even talking about overtaking.
to even catch up to you we have to slog our asses off, and then somewhere somehow there'll be someone who'll be mocking at you by saying "too bad that you fell behind".
this competition is crazy and i consider myself to be cynical about this whole "education rat race".
i'm not and i won't be sorry for not being able to catch up, in fact, i'm just ashamed to be a part of this society that fails to recognise each and every single individual's talents.
it's society's loss that fails to utilise its people and their gifts effectively.
is it my fault that i suck at the subjects that are required to obtain a cert????
no it is not.
is it my fault that my only strength and interest lies in language????
no it is not.
is it my fault that i am failing time and time again after umpteen tries????
no it is not.
this whole paper qualification sorting mechanism is not bad; it's disastrous.
you feed those who have got a degree but let those without one starve.
and the result of it all? a burgeoning middle-class of angry individuals who are deprived of opportunities, and even life.
call this whole thing "education", seriously.
what is education if you don't bring out the best and uncover each an every individual's potential?
fatigue.
never ever felt the need to sleep this much before.
call it stress, but yeah, it's sad.
i'm so worn out but there is clearly no time to stop, rest and recharge ourselves.
time is ticking, days are passing, society is progressing, without you.
tired is the word but i guess there's always other things in life that make you feel motivated.
all i need is a little bit of motivation, a little bit of encouragement, a little bit of determination that will tide me through the next 3 months.
please.
in the meantime, i'll make it up as i go... :)
p.s. took me a lot of courage to post this but yeah, i did anyway. don't take anything to heart; just a harmless perspective of a cynical schooling teenager lol.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
post-prelims
so thankful for the days of post-prelims.
i finally got a chance to relax, unwind and just, take a good break from all that studying.
not that this was a well-deserved break but i guess it was a good temporary escapade from the reality of a levels.
brunch at lola's that morning after chem paper 1 and i finally ate my mushroom brioche again :-)
i was rather disappointed though because the bread was a tad too burnt and the portion size shrinked a little (but i was still really full)...
:(
maybe i'll learn to make brioche on my own after a's to save on the costly meals at lola's!!!!!
after the shittiest bio paper 1 ever sr20 kids changed out after executing our mission take-bag-run.
had dinner at settlers' and had a great time chatting over dinner and taking selfies with fish-eye lenses.
headed down in the direction of city hall after buying my favourite hokkaido ice cream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
stopped by the oldest church in sg (chijmes is it?) and was pretty amazed by the sounds that were produced when the lights were shone on to the flowers!
walked on to armenian street and stopped by the peranakan museum!
was totally excited about the instant prints and the whole museum experience all over again! :)
loved the whole atmosphere along armenian street also because of the live brass band that we followed down the street to sing 'when the saints go marching in'!
there was this whole london feel to it omggggg :)
watched the earth harp too and wow that guy is amazing!
love the whole accompaniment of the drums and synthetic piano!!!
overall it was a great night with the best company i could ever ask for.
shall now let the pictures do the talking :)
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i finally got a chance to relax, unwind and just, take a good break from all that studying.
not that this was a well-deserved break but i guess it was a good temporary escapade from the reality of a levels.
brunch at lola's that morning after chem paper 1 and i finally ate my mushroom brioche again :-)
i was rather disappointed though because the bread was a tad too burnt and the portion size shrinked a little (but i was still really full)...
:(
maybe i'll learn to make brioche on my own after a's to save on the costly meals at lola's!!!!!
after the shittiest bio paper 1 ever sr20 kids changed out after executing our mission take-bag-run.
had dinner at settlers' and had a great time chatting over dinner and taking selfies with fish-eye lenses.
headed down in the direction of city hall after buying my favourite hokkaido ice cream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
stopped by the oldest church in sg (chijmes is it?) and was pretty amazed by the sounds that were produced when the lights were shone on to the flowers!
walked on to armenian street and stopped by the peranakan museum!
was totally excited about the instant prints and the whole museum experience all over again! :)
loved the whole atmosphere along armenian street also because of the live brass band that we followed down the street to sing 'when the saints go marching in'!
there was this whole london feel to it omggggg :)
watched the earth harp too and wow that guy is amazing!
love the whole accompaniment of the drums and synthetic piano!!!
overall it was a great night with the best company i could ever ask for.
shall now let the pictures do the talking :)
at settler's while playing with fisheye lens and complaining about charles' drug-peddler bag HAHAHA
these were taken while we were waiting for the traffic light to turn green...................
only to find that there was no pedestrian crossing for us HAHAHAHA.
so we decided to jaywalk and took a selfie while crossing midway because the traffic was just too heavy hahahaha.
yolo man.
beanie vanvan and i hehehe so cute right
happy patz and i with our hokkaido ice cream that melted within 5 minutes so we drank it like soup hahahaha
we got 'dem wefies!
while taking family portraits...
you've got the fierce family.
and the fun family.
HAHAHAHA
xoxoxoxoxo
another one of our attempts at group shots so as to have our instant print photos heheh.
we're gonna be the next fashion models yo hahahaha. #ootd
and yes this was my record-breaking post for the number of likes lol i sound so materialistic but who cares.
deal with it, kids.
us after making the paper hats lulllll i bet the whole world was judging us
-
thanks guys for such a wonderful night.
you don't even know how much i miss 1sr20 and sigh it would have been so much fun if we were still together.
love you guys to the moon and back; thank you all for being my strongest pillar of support and my deepest source of encouragement throughout this tumultuous journey of shitty exams.
x
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
5 things before i want to accomplish before i turn 25
typical cliche post that has been the hottest topic raved about at school (by the school) that has never seemed to entice me.
i mean, me turning 25 is so far away, say about 7 years?
that's still a long way to go.
-
but then again i pause, and think. 7 years ain't very far away isn't it?
7 years ago i was listening to the click five's jenny and fall out boy's thnks fr th mmrs. (yup i was a hipster kid back then ok no jk hahahaha)
so suddenly this "things you want to do before you turn 25" suddenly resonated with every vein in me.
my future-sighted self had been called to the forefront for this random long-term vision interpretation.
and after questioning myself for a day, i kinda found the 5 things i want to achieve before 25, with the last one being more like a wish rather than something that i'd make happen.
oh well, hopefully this post will turn out interesting, so here goes!
1) choose passion over money
this would be the perfect diagrammatic representation of my thoughts that i am about to pen down.
at a young (?) age of 18 i wouldn't exactly say i've found my life purpose or interest.
things are still so transient i don't even what is going to stay and what is going to go.
when i was younger i once wanted to be a teacher so bad i actually invested in a whole load of whiteboard markers and an ikea easel-cum-whiteboard and pretended to set questions and photocopied a few sets of worksheets for my "invisible" class.
derived so much joy from it, which i don't even know how.
kids will be kids.
anyway after that i moved on from my "teacher-teacher!" aspirations to a counsellor.
like the kinds that you see in school that are pretty much slacking off in a cosy room, oops.
i believed in my great big ego that i was an excellent "advice-giver" and that i could solve any emotional problems with a few "pieces of my priceless advice".
utter bullshit because i realised how painstaking it would be to bear with all the shit you get from random outsiders you don't even know.
not as if you don't get enough bullshit in life yourself.
with that being said i would actually like to express my admiration for these counsellors/psychologists who have patience levels that never run dry eternally.
after getting over that crazy idea of venturing into counselling or psychology (which is probably one of the most cliche careers i've ever heard around), food came into the picture and ta-dah!!!!! nutritionist.
to be honest i don't even know if i'll ever make it as a scientific foodie out there because i'll probably just be cooped up in my own office raving about all the sweet treats i would be baking during the weekends.
anyway i really love food and i honestly believe in the power of it, how it can shape lives and transform people.
haven't completely abandoned this idea of nutrition as a career; the only thing stopping me is probably the fact that i won't make it big locally simply because the industry's too small.
so to date, what my current interest is probably journalism and writing.
i honestly adore the english language and it would be great if i could pursue something in the field of media.
editing and publishing maybe?
everytime i accomplish a piece of writing i always feel so accomplished and there is always that sense of joy when you find interesting viewpoints or complicated words to put into your writing.
writing is so much like cooking, except the fact that you will never burn yourself hehe.
okay back to the topic of passion over money. (i need to stop telling grandmother-long stories before touching on the main topic because at this rate i'll never be able to finish before 1am and there's school tomorrow)
so yeah i honestly don't want to be the airy-fairy pragmatic workaholic that slugs her guts out at a really shitty company that although pays well, doesn't give me happiness at all.
imagine going to work everyday and facing a pile of let's say...... something you really don't like. for me that would probably be analysing graphs depicting economic growth and writing shit-long reports on them.
oh my life, what meaning would there be anymore????
that would be like going to school now....
though the cost of living is rapidly rising and that this phenomenon is unseemly retarding, as much advice the sapient, prudent ones are going to offer me, i really hope i can land myself at a job that i enjoy.
even if the pay isn't as bountiful i guess the long-term rewards of enjoying what you do and having a good internal equanimity and mental wellness is probably a lot more satistfying :)
2) pick up 2 other languages
this was inspired by my inquisitiveness towards english i guess.
it would honestly be really amazing if you could hear me converse in a foreign language by the time i turn 25.
i mean, what harm would there be to pick up a new language?
really want to learn korean (thank running man), but i have yet to think about the other language that i want to master.
german and french could be likely possibilities because i've learnt a teeny bit about their language when studying history back in secondary school, but it's quite fascinating, especially the funny dots and lines that come along with the conventional alphabet!
hopefully i get into linguistics in uni (i pray so hard i do) and maybe i'll discover what i really really want to learn!!!!! :-)
3) start a food funding programme for needy children
i think this picture really struck me because of the numerous hands that are extended in fervent and desperate hopes of feeding their hungry stomachs.
a photograph of countless bare hands stretched out that clearly translates into the number of empty stomachs there are to satisfy.
singapore is such a blessed country with barely anything to worry about besides secondary issues of homework and stress levels.
the difference is that we worry about not being able to get what we WANT to eat, while they worry about not being able to get what they NEED.
i believe it won't hurt to fork out a little bit of my salary every week to fund a child a meal.
such a cliche project that's started by countless individuals and philanthropists out there, but i guess the feeling's different when you yourself really play a part by funding a meal for a kid.
won't say that i'd begin by reaching out to the kids living in the slums of india, but to start small, funding the needy children in singapore itself would be a positive beginning in itself.
as much as food is important to me, i strongly believe in the importance of adequate nutrition and that "3 meals a day" are the bare minimum for a child.
i think i'm kinda rubbing off jamie oliver and his meal plans for children hahahaha.
#teamjamie
4) pick up a weekly sport to keep fit and maintain an ideal weight
no i am not talking about the kinds that you play as mario and your opponent as bowser and you try in vain to burn calories by whacking around clumsily with a remote control.
i'm talking about the getting down to sweating on the court and stuff.
i actually really want to keep fit and it would be perfect to devote my sundays to playing a sport with some good old friends, just like how my dad plays badminton every thursday night and fusionball (a modified version of tennis for older folks) every sunday afternoon.
absolutely detest running so never will that happen (though i actually considered putting "accomplishing a 10km marathon under 1 hour" in this list of 5 things but obviously my lazy self retreated and even cringed at this ludicrous idea)
swimming sounds good but i'm really self-conscious of my body so no thanks.
considering badminton, golf or frisbee so yes my fellow sports-enthusiast friends please include me in some of your leisure games!!!! *raises hand really high with eagerness*
5) find someone who loves me more than i love him
yes this is in italics because i obviously cannot control this kind of prophetic fate.
was really inspired by this article on thoughtcatalog.
pretty fairytale-like and utopian but, i guess there is some truth in the words of the author.
it will be rare, so rare to find a guy who loves you more than you do to him.
i guess i am someone who's really committed when it comes to relationships with others be it platonic or romantic.
i like to believe that i give my all in every friendship i keep and nothing less when it comes to romantic relationships too.
so on my part i guess i won't shortchange him in any way because i know i will be there to keep the relationship alive!!!
i'll let the article do the talking and yes, off to sleep i go!!!
school tomorrow, exams in 3 days.
*insert all enervated facial expressions possible in this universe*
"Date a man who loves you more. Meet him young, at a time when you’re not old enough to realize how precious he is. Fall in love carelessly. Start to think he must be the one, begin building a life with him. Become entangled with his family and him with yours, believe he will be the father of your children in later years. Date a man who loves you more because he will love everything you hate about yourself. The man who loves you more will rub your feet when you’re tired and take your cousins out for ice cream because he is simply that kind of man. He will abandon his plans to come rub your back when you’re sick without you ever having to ask. The man who loves you more will allow you to grow as a person without taking space. He will be patient, kind; he will know when to apologize and when to be quiet. He will never yell. He will laugh at your jokes and find you beautiful, even at your worst. The man who loves you more will love you entirely, unconditionally; he will follow you anywhere and do anything for you.
As you grow with the man who loves you more, ignore the creeping sense of boredom. Ignore it because it is selfish, it is unbecoming, and you know you should be satisfied with this perfect man. Ignore it because you watch the women around you, your friends, your sisters, your co-workers, and you know they all long for the man you have. Ignore the melancholia and the longing you feel every time you watch a couple fight with passion, with anger, with fire. Count on your fingers the number of fights you’ve had over the years, and consider yourself lucky without really believing it. Ignore the nostalgia you feel for moments that have never existed. Ignore it because you know passion is fleeting, passion is mercurial; passion is not something you build a life on. Passion will not raise your kids, it will not pay your mortgage. When passion fades, you tell yourself, you are left with nothing but regret. Ignore the slow leak of emptiness filling your gut when you kiss him, because it does not belong in your life. It does not belong with this perfect man who loves you more. He is dependable and with him, you know you will lead a lifetime of contentment. You will travel with him, you will push him towards his goals. You will have wonderful memories and photo albums. You will celebrate milestones with pride, you will grow old holding his hand and raise balanced children with him. When your children fall in love, you will smile and hope they find someone who loves them more, because it will guarantee them the satisfied life you have led.
Do not date the other man because the other man will never give you the stability you know you need. Stay away from the other man because with him, you are unreliable. The other man will never be there for you with the same dependability you have come to expect. He will challenge you and push you to question everything you think you know about yourself. The other man will love you, he will love you in ways that make you abandon every certainty you have ever had, but he will not help you keep your balance. Just when you think you have figured that man out, he will disorient you, you will be winded, you will not be able to breathe. Date the man who loves you more because the other man will never need you. He will miss you when you’re gone, he will secretly be broken, but he will go on without you because he does not depend on anyone. This man is treacherous, you cannot trust yourself with him.
When things are good with this man, you will be euphoric. You will be the best version of yourself. You will look in the mirror and find you are beautiful. You will be the luckiest woman in the world, and you will believe it. You will tell him you love him and the words will explode out of your heart because it will be the first time you have ever encountered such irrevocable truth. He will say it back and mean it, and you will feel like you can never be close enough to him. You will lose yourself in him, and he will lose himself in you. Stay away from this man because your happiness will be fleeting. When things are bad with him, he will fight back. He will not be patient, he will not soothe you. The other man will be infuriating. He will be selfish, careless with his words and at times even cruel. He will try to inflict as much pain on you as he himself is feeling. He will not apologize and he will push you to your limits. With this man, you can expect the dizzying agony of passion, the blurred oblivion of apathy, the delicious comfort of despair, the addictive misery of loneliness. You will tell yourself that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but in that moment of utter hopelessness, you will not believe it with absolute conviction.
Date a man who loves you more because while he can never be quite enough, the other man will always be too much. The other man will leave you thirsty for more, parched for him, panicked like a drunk who has finished his last bottle. Date that man who loves you more, fall for him in a slow and steady way, build a foundation with him and consider, truly consider, how lucky you are to have found him. Do all this, because with the other man, you will never know anything but a frenzied hunger and all-encompassing madness. With that man you will burn bright and fast, and you will be invincible until you are not. Find the man who loves you more and keep him because the worth of happiness cannot be measured in days and months and years, and those fleeting few memories of pure, unadulterated bliss will never measure up to the lifetime of contentment you will have with the man who loves you more. Tell yourself this over and over, let it become your mantra, and condition yourself to believe it. Forget the other man, or at least try to, ignore the smells, the sounds and the things that remind you of him, ignore the way he made you feel, because you are better off apart. Together you make the world explode, but you cannot survive in it after. Date the man who loves you more, choose him and never let him go, because you are wise enough to know that stories of true love never have a happy ending, and with this man at least you will die knowing someone loved you more.
"
goodnight my fellow sweethearts, have a great week ahead xx
i mean, me turning 25 is so far away, say about 7 years?
that's still a long way to go.
-
but then again i pause, and think. 7 years ain't very far away isn't it?
7 years ago i was listening to the click five's jenny and fall out boy's thnks fr th mmrs. (yup i was a hipster kid back then ok no jk hahahaha)
so suddenly this "things you want to do before you turn 25" suddenly resonated with every vein in me.
my future-sighted self had been called to the forefront for this random long-term vision interpretation.
and after questioning myself for a day, i kinda found the 5 things i want to achieve before 25, with the last one being more like a wish rather than something that i'd make happen.
oh well, hopefully this post will turn out interesting, so here goes!
1) choose passion over money
this would be the perfect diagrammatic representation of my thoughts that i am about to pen down.
at a young (?) age of 18 i wouldn't exactly say i've found my life purpose or interest.
things are still so transient i don't even what is going to stay and what is going to go.
when i was younger i once wanted to be a teacher so bad i actually invested in a whole load of whiteboard markers and an ikea easel-cum-whiteboard and pretended to set questions and photocopied a few sets of worksheets for my "invisible" class.
derived so much joy from it, which i don't even know how.
kids will be kids.
anyway after that i moved on from my "teacher-teacher!" aspirations to a counsellor.
like the kinds that you see in school that are pretty much slacking off in a cosy room, oops.
i believed in my great big ego that i was an excellent "advice-giver" and that i could solve any emotional problems with a few "pieces of my priceless advice".
utter bullshit because i realised how painstaking it would be to bear with all the shit you get from random outsiders you don't even know.
not as if you don't get enough bullshit in life yourself.
with that being said i would actually like to express my admiration for these counsellors/psychologists who have patience levels that never run dry eternally.
after getting over that crazy idea of venturing into counselling or psychology (which is probably one of the most cliche careers i've ever heard around), food came into the picture and ta-dah!!!!! nutritionist.
to be honest i don't even know if i'll ever make it as a scientific foodie out there because i'll probably just be cooped up in my own office raving about all the sweet treats i would be baking during the weekends.
anyway i really love food and i honestly believe in the power of it, how it can shape lives and transform people.
haven't completely abandoned this idea of nutrition as a career; the only thing stopping me is probably the fact that i won't make it big locally simply because the industry's too small.
so to date, what my current interest is probably journalism and writing.
i honestly adore the english language and it would be great if i could pursue something in the field of media.
editing and publishing maybe?
everytime i accomplish a piece of writing i always feel so accomplished and there is always that sense of joy when you find interesting viewpoints or complicated words to put into your writing.
writing is so much like cooking, except the fact that you will never burn yourself hehe.
okay back to the topic of passion over money. (i need to stop telling grandmother-long stories before touching on the main topic because at this rate i'll never be able to finish before 1am and there's school tomorrow)
so yeah i honestly don't want to be the airy-fairy pragmatic workaholic that slugs her guts out at a really shitty company that although pays well, doesn't give me happiness at all.
imagine going to work everyday and facing a pile of let's say...... something you really don't like. for me that would probably be analysing graphs depicting economic growth and writing shit-long reports on them.
oh my life, what meaning would there be anymore????
that would be like going to school now....
though the cost of living is rapidly rising and that this phenomenon is unseemly retarding, as much advice the sapient, prudent ones are going to offer me, i really hope i can land myself at a job that i enjoy.
even if the pay isn't as bountiful i guess the long-term rewards of enjoying what you do and having a good internal equanimity and mental wellness is probably a lot more satistfying :)
2) pick up 2 other languages
this was inspired by my inquisitiveness towards english i guess.
it would honestly be really amazing if you could hear me converse in a foreign language by the time i turn 25.
i mean, what harm would there be to pick up a new language?
really want to learn korean (thank running man), but i have yet to think about the other language that i want to master.
german and french could be likely possibilities because i've learnt a teeny bit about their language when studying history back in secondary school, but it's quite fascinating, especially the funny dots and lines that come along with the conventional alphabet!
hopefully i get into linguistics in uni (i pray so hard i do) and maybe i'll discover what i really really want to learn!!!!! :-)
3) start a food funding programme for needy children
i think this picture really struck me because of the numerous hands that are extended in fervent and desperate hopes of feeding their hungry stomachs.
a photograph of countless bare hands stretched out that clearly translates into the number of empty stomachs there are to satisfy.
singapore is such a blessed country with barely anything to worry about besides secondary issues of homework and stress levels.
the difference is that we worry about not being able to get what we WANT to eat, while they worry about not being able to get what they NEED.
i believe it won't hurt to fork out a little bit of my salary every week to fund a child a meal.
such a cliche project that's started by countless individuals and philanthropists out there, but i guess the feeling's different when you yourself really play a part by funding a meal for a kid.
won't say that i'd begin by reaching out to the kids living in the slums of india, but to start small, funding the needy children in singapore itself would be a positive beginning in itself.
as much as food is important to me, i strongly believe in the importance of adequate nutrition and that "3 meals a day" are the bare minimum for a child.
i think i'm kinda rubbing off jamie oliver and his meal plans for children hahahaha.
#teamjamie
4) pick up a weekly sport to keep fit and maintain an ideal weight
no i am not talking about the kinds that you play as mario and your opponent as bowser and you try in vain to burn calories by whacking around clumsily with a remote control.
i'm talking about the getting down to sweating on the court and stuff.
i actually really want to keep fit and it would be perfect to devote my sundays to playing a sport with some good old friends, just like how my dad plays badminton every thursday night and fusionball (a modified version of tennis for older folks) every sunday afternoon.
absolutely detest running so never will that happen (though i actually considered putting "accomplishing a 10km marathon under 1 hour" in this list of 5 things but obviously my lazy self retreated and even cringed at this ludicrous idea)
swimming sounds good but i'm really self-conscious of my body so no thanks.
considering badminton, golf or frisbee so yes my fellow sports-enthusiast friends please include me in some of your leisure games!!!! *raises hand really high with eagerness*
5) find someone who loves me more than i love him
yes this is in italics because i obviously cannot control this kind of prophetic fate.
was really inspired by this article on thoughtcatalog.
pretty fairytale-like and utopian but, i guess there is some truth in the words of the author.
it will be rare, so rare to find a guy who loves you more than you do to him.
i guess i am someone who's really committed when it comes to relationships with others be it platonic or romantic.
i like to believe that i give my all in every friendship i keep and nothing less when it comes to romantic relationships too.
so on my part i guess i won't shortchange him in any way because i know i will be there to keep the relationship alive!!!
i'll let the article do the talking and yes, off to sleep i go!!!
school tomorrow, exams in 3 days.
*insert all enervated facial expressions possible in this universe*
"Date a man who loves you more. Meet him young, at a time when you’re not old enough to realize how precious he is. Fall in love carelessly. Start to think he must be the one, begin building a life with him. Become entangled with his family and him with yours, believe he will be the father of your children in later years. Date a man who loves you more because he will love everything you hate about yourself. The man who loves you more will rub your feet when you’re tired and take your cousins out for ice cream because he is simply that kind of man. He will abandon his plans to come rub your back when you’re sick without you ever having to ask. The man who loves you more will allow you to grow as a person without taking space. He will be patient, kind; he will know when to apologize and when to be quiet. He will never yell. He will laugh at your jokes and find you beautiful, even at your worst. The man who loves you more will love you entirely, unconditionally; he will follow you anywhere and do anything for you.
As you grow with the man who loves you more, ignore the creeping sense of boredom. Ignore it because it is selfish, it is unbecoming, and you know you should be satisfied with this perfect man. Ignore it because you watch the women around you, your friends, your sisters, your co-workers, and you know they all long for the man you have. Ignore the melancholia and the longing you feel every time you watch a couple fight with passion, with anger, with fire. Count on your fingers the number of fights you’ve had over the years, and consider yourself lucky without really believing it. Ignore the nostalgia you feel for moments that have never existed. Ignore it because you know passion is fleeting, passion is mercurial; passion is not something you build a life on. Passion will not raise your kids, it will not pay your mortgage. When passion fades, you tell yourself, you are left with nothing but regret. Ignore the slow leak of emptiness filling your gut when you kiss him, because it does not belong in your life. It does not belong with this perfect man who loves you more. He is dependable and with him, you know you will lead a lifetime of contentment. You will travel with him, you will push him towards his goals. You will have wonderful memories and photo albums. You will celebrate milestones with pride, you will grow old holding his hand and raise balanced children with him. When your children fall in love, you will smile and hope they find someone who loves them more, because it will guarantee them the satisfied life you have led.
Do not date the other man because the other man will never give you the stability you know you need. Stay away from the other man because with him, you are unreliable. The other man will never be there for you with the same dependability you have come to expect. He will challenge you and push you to question everything you think you know about yourself. The other man will love you, he will love you in ways that make you abandon every certainty you have ever had, but he will not help you keep your balance. Just when you think you have figured that man out, he will disorient you, you will be winded, you will not be able to breathe. Date the man who loves you more because the other man will never need you. He will miss you when you’re gone, he will secretly be broken, but he will go on without you because he does not depend on anyone. This man is treacherous, you cannot trust yourself with him.
When things are good with this man, you will be euphoric. You will be the best version of yourself. You will look in the mirror and find you are beautiful. You will be the luckiest woman in the world, and you will believe it. You will tell him you love him and the words will explode out of your heart because it will be the first time you have ever encountered such irrevocable truth. He will say it back and mean it, and you will feel like you can never be close enough to him. You will lose yourself in him, and he will lose himself in you. Stay away from this man because your happiness will be fleeting. When things are bad with him, he will fight back. He will not be patient, he will not soothe you. The other man will be infuriating. He will be selfish, careless with his words and at times even cruel. He will try to inflict as much pain on you as he himself is feeling. He will not apologize and he will push you to your limits. With this man, you can expect the dizzying agony of passion, the blurred oblivion of apathy, the delicious comfort of despair, the addictive misery of loneliness. You will tell yourself that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but in that moment of utter hopelessness, you will not believe it with absolute conviction.
Date a man who loves you more because while he can never be quite enough, the other man will always be too much. The other man will leave you thirsty for more, parched for him, panicked like a drunk who has finished his last bottle. Date that man who loves you more, fall for him in a slow and steady way, build a foundation with him and consider, truly consider, how lucky you are to have found him. Do all this, because with the other man, you will never know anything but a frenzied hunger and all-encompassing madness. With that man you will burn bright and fast, and you will be invincible until you are not. Find the man who loves you more and keep him because the worth of happiness cannot be measured in days and months and years, and those fleeting few memories of pure, unadulterated bliss will never measure up to the lifetime of contentment you will have with the man who loves you more. Tell yourself this over and over, let it become your mantra, and condition yourself to believe it. Forget the other man, or at least try to, ignore the smells, the sounds and the things that remind you of him, ignore the way he made you feel, because you are better off apart. Together you make the world explode, but you cannot survive in it after. Date the man who loves you more, choose him and never let him go, because you are wise enough to know that stories of true love never have a happy ending, and with this man at least you will die knowing someone loved you more.
"goodnight my fellow sweethearts, have a great week ahead xx
Thursday, July 17, 2014
5 things i am thankful for (being) in sr
no, just to clarify, i am not doing this in conjunction with sr's 25th anniversary.
and no i was also not bribed by the school to do anything like that (ha ha ha oops).
but because i am on a writing streak after finishing a thousand-and-three-hundred word essay on media bias (which i have covered much ground for research and read about how bloggers are "amateurish" for their spelling and grammatical mistakes, wow thanks i choose to think otherwise though) and talking to sheryl (after ages) about her life in ny just made me feel compelled to post something here.
not the most apt time i know, considering that i have a math test tomorrow, but i feel this pressing need to update this online space of mine which i know i will have to bid temporary farewell to soon.
sometimes we moan, or at least i moan, about life in sr.
yes to be honest, we are not the coolest school with the smartest policies around, and neither are we a school with much to brag about maybe with the exception of some of our niche sport ccas.
sr is a commonplace, neighbourhood school that you might expect nothing from.
before you entered, you felt a sense of condemnation towards everything about the school.
i'd constantly berate myself for "doing badly" in o levels, i'd incessantly whine about the "bad decision" i've made coming to sr, i'd relentlessly moan about how "lousy" the school is, basically.
that was me before i entered the school, and even when i am still schooling here right now.
i would not deny the fact that i still have a whole list of disparaging complaints towards the school culture, but i've decided to set that aside for another time and focus on the positive of being in sr.
i can't say that my regret coming here has disappeared altogether, but i can say that it has faded slightly and at least that's a good thing?
i rather i be objective and emotionless towards the school than to be a completely lifeless and desiccated soul that never seems to run out of dissatisfaction.
anyway, back to the point, it seems like i have relatively "enjoyed" (there is an obvious risk with such pronouncements so i shall put them in inverted commas) my almost-2 years in srjc and yeah so here are just 5 things i am thankful for in sr. :-)
i am not going to go all "omg thank you sr i love you muacks muacks so grateful for you", but i just somehow found the good in all the bad that i used to perceive and maybe after all my life isn't that bad.
1) the fact that i learnt to be thankful myself
sounds like inception huh?
to be honest, coming to sr was a very refreshing experience and a pleasant eye-opener.
well i wouldn't say it has been entirely a bed of roses, but it really opened up my eyes to the people around me, that i was once living in the sheltered walls of pl where i never got to experience these first-hand.
so many ordinary people are living their lives so well you don't even notice they come from dysfunctional families and whatnot.
i don't know if it's good acting or just plain ignorance but honestly i learnt never to judge a book by it's cover too.
seeing the people around me struggle to cope with jc life, or even just grappling to survive makes me realise how thankful i am to come from a blessed family.
in the past all i'd see were rich girls who had the world and nothing to worry about.
now what i see are superficially happy people who seem to be getting by with life pretty well, but deep inside you know they are struggling.
and all you can do is watch.
i guess the least i can do is to really, be thankful for everything that i am blessed with everything.
my life might not be perfect but it's great!
2) the friends i have made
this is going to sound so cliche but honestly i am thankful for the friends that i have made in sr.
i might not have the most friends or a relatively wider social circle like i did back in secondary school, but i guess coming to sr/jc has taught me the value of independence.
the meaning to "having few but true friends" suddenly becomes reality.
though we've only known one another for 1 or 2 years, i am still grateful for the people that i have interacted with so far.
1sr20, 2sr19, the guitarists, srgce friends and even some hi-bye friends i have made along the way.
i think people really play an important role in our school life right now because they will be the solace of comfort, the source of strength and joy, the reason to keep going.
3) the teachers
this is going to sound even more cliche but the teachers in sr (majority) are really worthy of my gratitude.
one thing i know for sure is that the culture of care in sr is real when it comes to the teachers.
seeing them work so hard for us j2s makes me feel like they are more uptight about us taking the exams than we are.
you can see the effort that they've put in to the revision lectures and tutorials, and all the consultations, star lessons and night study sessions and basically everything in the curriculum.
thank you for being the one to give me direction when i myself feel at a loss and don't know what to do, teachers.
i might not show it but yes honestly, thank you.
4) my firsts
i sound like a baby but, sr was honestly, the first time i made guy friends (like legit friends that talked), the first time i had an eye candy, the first time i actually felt self-conscious (because guys), the first time i reached home at 11pm, the first time i felt like i was GENUINELY going to die of fatigue (because i only had 3 hours of sleep once), the first time i actually learnt to let go (of my studies), the first time i understand how eyebags feel like, the first time i actually started running on my own accord, the first time i understand how it feels to put on weight (SUCKS), the first time i danced with a guy (college dance ahahahahahaha not some fancy clubbing), the first time i ran a 10km marathon, the first time i yolo-ed etc etc.
the list goes on, but these are the (first) memories i will never forget. :')
5) srjc all for you
yeah getting the u's in your result slip doesn't really seem to matter much anymore.
getting a u grade here is pretty much the norm and i guess it has taught me something - that failure isn't everything.
i've failed countless of times that i've become immune to it already.
i guess this is a good thing because it really teaches me to be resilient and not to give up easily.
used to be so, so, so afraid of failure in pl but now i guess i've grown quite a bit in sr.
so yup let's turn the u's into a's and b's soon!!!!
ok gotta go sleep now
12.40am already and i gotta last till 10pm tmrw for tuition.
cya
and no i was also not bribed by the school to do anything like that (ha ha ha oops).
but because i am on a writing streak after finishing a thousand-and-three-hundred word essay on media bias (which i have covered much ground for research and read about how bloggers are "amateurish" for their spelling and grammatical mistakes, wow thanks i choose to think otherwise though) and talking to sheryl (after ages) about her life in ny just made me feel compelled to post something here.
not the most apt time i know, considering that i have a math test tomorrow, but i feel this pressing need to update this online space of mine which i know i will have to bid temporary farewell to soon.
sometimes we moan, or at least i moan, about life in sr.
yes to be honest, we are not the coolest school with the smartest policies around, and neither are we a school with much to brag about maybe with the exception of some of our niche sport ccas.
sr is a commonplace, neighbourhood school that you might expect nothing from.
before you entered, you felt a sense of condemnation towards everything about the school.
i'd constantly berate myself for "doing badly" in o levels, i'd incessantly whine about the "bad decision" i've made coming to sr, i'd relentlessly moan about how "lousy" the school is, basically.
that was me before i entered the school, and even when i am still schooling here right now.
i would not deny the fact that i still have a whole list of disparaging complaints towards the school culture, but i've decided to set that aside for another time and focus on the positive of being in sr.
i can't say that my regret coming here has disappeared altogether, but i can say that it has faded slightly and at least that's a good thing?
i rather i be objective and emotionless towards the school than to be a completely lifeless and desiccated soul that never seems to run out of dissatisfaction.
anyway, back to the point, it seems like i have relatively "enjoyed" (there is an obvious risk with such pronouncements so i shall put them in inverted commas) my almost-2 years in srjc and yeah so here are just 5 things i am thankful for in sr. :-)
i am not going to go all "omg thank you sr i love you muacks muacks so grateful for you", but i just somehow found the good in all the bad that i used to perceive and maybe after all my life isn't that bad.
1) the fact that i learnt to be thankful myself
sounds like inception huh?
to be honest, coming to sr was a very refreshing experience and a pleasant eye-opener.
well i wouldn't say it has been entirely a bed of roses, but it really opened up my eyes to the people around me, that i was once living in the sheltered walls of pl where i never got to experience these first-hand.
so many ordinary people are living their lives so well you don't even notice they come from dysfunctional families and whatnot.
i don't know if it's good acting or just plain ignorance but honestly i learnt never to judge a book by it's cover too.
seeing the people around me struggle to cope with jc life, or even just grappling to survive makes me realise how thankful i am to come from a blessed family.
in the past all i'd see were rich girls who had the world and nothing to worry about.
now what i see are superficially happy people who seem to be getting by with life pretty well, but deep inside you know they are struggling.
and all you can do is watch.
i guess the least i can do is to really, be thankful for everything that i am blessed with everything.
my life might not be perfect but it's great!
2) the friends i have made
this is going to sound so cliche but honestly i am thankful for the friends that i have made in sr.
i might not have the most friends or a relatively wider social circle like i did back in secondary school, but i guess coming to sr/jc has taught me the value of independence.
the meaning to "having few but true friends" suddenly becomes reality.
though we've only known one another for 1 or 2 years, i am still grateful for the people that i have interacted with so far.
1sr20, 2sr19, the guitarists, srgce friends and even some hi-bye friends i have made along the way.
i think people really play an important role in our school life right now because they will be the solace of comfort, the source of strength and joy, the reason to keep going.
3) the teachers
this is going to sound even more cliche but the teachers in sr (majority) are really worthy of my gratitude.
one thing i know for sure is that the culture of care in sr is real when it comes to the teachers.
seeing them work so hard for us j2s makes me feel like they are more uptight about us taking the exams than we are.
you can see the effort that they've put in to the revision lectures and tutorials, and all the consultations, star lessons and night study sessions and basically everything in the curriculum.
thank you for being the one to give me direction when i myself feel at a loss and don't know what to do, teachers.
i might not show it but yes honestly, thank you.
4) my firsts
i sound like a baby but, sr was honestly, the first time i made guy friends (like legit friends that talked), the first time i had an eye candy, the first time i actually felt self-conscious (because guys), the first time i reached home at 11pm, the first time i felt like i was GENUINELY going to die of fatigue (because i only had 3 hours of sleep once), the first time i actually learnt to let go (of my studies), the first time i understand how eyebags feel like, the first time i actually started running on my own accord, the first time i understand how it feels to put on weight (SUCKS), the first time i danced with a guy (college dance ahahahahahaha not some fancy clubbing), the first time i ran a 10km marathon, the first time i yolo-ed etc etc.
the list goes on, but these are the (first) memories i will never forget. :')
5) srjc all for you
yeah getting the u's in your result slip doesn't really seem to matter much anymore.
getting a u grade here is pretty much the norm and i guess it has taught me something - that failure isn't everything.
i've failed countless of times that i've become immune to it already.
i guess this is a good thing because it really teaches me to be resilient and not to give up easily.
used to be so, so, so afraid of failure in pl but now i guess i've grown quite a bit in sr.
so yup let's turn the u's into a's and b's soon!!!!
ok gotta go sleep now
12.40am already and i gotta last till 10pm tmrw for tuition.
cya
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
busy
so i've been busy recently
clearing my sleep debt
taking one/two-hour naps
sleeping before midnight (wow)
basically just sleeping a lot
i feel so complete and so much better now
to hell with headaches and feverish chills
sleep
is
good
clearing my sleep debt
taking one/two-hour naps
sleeping before midnight (wow)
basically just sleeping a lot
i feel so complete and so much better now
to hell with headaches and feverish chills
sleep
is
good
Saturday, July 12, 2014
life
it's been a pretty long while ago since i've last blogged - i don't even know what to blog about now.
i don't know if i'm actually losing touch with this medium of writing especially since there are few surviving blogs of teens today...
i hope i don't ever give this up because i find a certain accomplishment and joy in writing about my life.
well it seems rather self-centered doesn't it.
but i guess i do have SOME readers, both expected and unexpected, so well, thank you for popping by my little blog of nothingness!!!
appreciate the few but significant readers i get, though i won't get to find out who you are unless you tell me personally... :-)
so yeah thank you!
anyway here are just 5 random facts about the happenings in my life right now.
i think i should do this more often since i won't be finding the time to blog in the near future (thank a levels).
this was actually inspired by a blog that i've been keeping up with since secondary school.
though you will never know who you are, but i actually really admire the way your life turns out and how honestly you put it into words.
you are one amazing blogger!
1) recently been going on an online retail therapy session.... my dad's been introducing me to cheap stuff online. i mean it's not that i'm being a cheapskate or what but somehow or rather i enjoy being thrifty (especially with my dad) because i know money isn't easy to come by and if we can save, we will save together. so my recent purchases were a rucksack at $14, two pullovers both less than $10 each and a giraffe phone cover (which was obviously inspired by kwangsoo) for $3... cheap would be an understatement. i kinda really like online shopping but the cons is that it is ABSOLUTELY time-consuming because you browse like there is no tomorrow and that there's no refund if the sizes don't fit. learnt my lesson from previous experiences of online purchases and i vowed never to buy a piece of clothing online anymore.
2) my mid-year results are worrying but not worrying. i don't even know how to put my results across here and how i ought to feel about them. true that i've made some improvement since the common tests but i'm still below average in the cohort. i've been working hard, or at least trying my best, but somehow deep inside i feel that i am working hard emptily. like i'm studying for the sake of studying while getting nowhere and everything i'm trying to internalise coming to naught. jc has really made studying a farce for me. how nasty.
3) been listening to a lot of (korean) music recently. i don't know why but i've been DYING to find songs that i fall in love upon my first listen or either that just something new that is kpop. getting pretty sick with my current playlist but i'm glad i found more new music of related genres through shazam!!!! so thankful for technology these days i don't even know what i'd do without 'em. so to those who enjoy pop/rock and a little bit of alternative, here's my recent additions to the music library:
air balloon by lily allen - this one's for those who like a little pop and upbeat to their songs but if you are totally against artificially overtuned vocals maybe it'll be a nay. give it a try though since i'm an anti-female-artiste but still like it anyway!!!! it's a bit like kesha + katy perry...
rhythm of love by plain white t's - for those who really like acoustic guitar accompaniments. this is the one song for relaxation. put this song on play and close your eyes; imagine yourself on a sandy beach with blue skies. it's the perfect summer song! classic plain white t's genre!
parallel by heffron drive - it's a pretty fantasy-like song but i love the accompaniment!!! the duo's vocals are really good and i love the pre-chorus 'cos his voice is like whoa-oh!!!!! on fire!!!! okay i sound overly excited but yeah the lyrics are quite sweet so do give it a listen!
how to save a life by the fray - yeah this is an old song, but recently found it through shazam and finally knew how this song sounded like. only heard of the song title before but not the song - and i now know why it is so damn amazing. super the-fray-ish but that's what you gotta love them for; their perfect blend of piano and emotional vocals. thumbs up x1000 for this please go and listen to this!!!!
jamie all over by mayday parade - heard this song at cotton on in tampines one on a day out with my family. it is a really good song!!!!!! (probably not a coincidence that the song title has my name) the chorus is really catchy and mainstream though hahaha the lyrics are everywhere on tumblr if i'm not wrong... seen 'em around a lot. irony is that there is no mention of the name jamie in the song anyway hahaha. mayday parade is just mayday parade and similar artistes: we the kings plus a bit of all time low!!
(below onwards: korean)
peter pan by exo - this is the best korean song i have ever listened to (yes it has overtaken dbsk's balloons and picture of you) thanks wanrou hahahaha. the upbeat electric guitar really gives the song a fairytale edge to it. love this so much it's 2nd most played in my itunes!!!! (first is art of war) i think love would be an understatement. don't even know when i'd grow tired of this song.
busan vacance by haha and skull - i don't know if this song was actually written in aim of promoting korean tourism or something but it has kinda worked its potential charm.... the song's rhythm is so catchy and cute + the music video of korea's landscape just makes you want to visit the place even more!!!! i can't wait to fly to the land of kimchi after a's if time/parents/money permit!!!!!!! so damn excited i cannot even contain.4) my attachment/addiction to running man has returned recently. been watching at least 1 at most 2 episodes in my free time during the june holidays and though week 2 of school is over i think i am barely getting over my daily dose of running man.... it really kinda sucks that i still am unable to catch up with the most recent episodes because that's where the hype is but it's okay i can always speed-watch after a's!!!!!! on a side note that has been repeated countless times i seriously cannot wait for a's to end.
5) kinda gave up this entire dieting/weight loss plan though i am still conscious of what i eat. it is so hard to focus on shedding all that extra pounds i gained from coming to jc and i guess i'll leave all that hardcore cardio and healthy dieting to post-a's... during the june holidays i actually picked up a 28-day pilates challenge which i stuck to until day 20 or so because it was hurting my back and every single joint in my body. i tried running 2/3x a week to burn the fat and i guess i really felt the difference upon returning to school. my lower stomach is still as fat fml, but i can feel my skirt and berms getting looser. think i have an easily bloated tummy or either that a very weak stomach and it is rare for days that i actually feel comfortable in my school bottoms. kinda sucks to be me because i've got the weirdest body shape ever but whatever. i shall worry about that after a's. plenty of time then.
sorry that my 5 things ended up to become some 500 word essay about my life.
gotta stop being so naggy and get straight to the point though sometimes i feel details are really important.
so it is the 12th of july and we are almost 3 months away from the a level exams.
this sickening piece of shit is really sucking me dry of my life.
i don't know why but i feel like we are all slaves of a revolution that is bound to wipe us all out.
i cannot even put my lack of life into words.
we're all so devoid of passion and honesty, we've all been sucked up into this black hole of competitive academics and this big monster also known as the a levels.
it's quite sad rather, to see the people around me conceding defeat to the clutches of this monstrous national exam.
a levels is really a monster; i can't help but feel that its immensity is weighing everyone around me down and crushing their fragile beings.
physically, mentally and psychologically, i feel that we're all losing this battle, one by one.
seeing the people around me fall ill, being hit by one of the worst psychological warfares, staging an unnecessary war with this thing called stress, everything.
i admit that i myself am so tired that sometimes i really feel like giving up too.
but no i gotta press on, for the sake of the people who love me and care about me.
anyway i am not having it the worst, i know it.
i know.
the most i can do and will do for the people around me is to keep up optimism, because i believe that if you keep hope alive it will keep you alive.
don't lose faith or sight in anything that might seem bleak up ahead.
instead, always believe in yourself and that is already half the battle won.
can't promise that i'll be here 24/7 but my blog will always be here for comfort.
i hope this post of advice and my previous posts of heartfelt emotions will serve as a good respite from reality and an antidote to current problems.
till then,
xxxx
see y'all soon!
Monday, June 23, 2014
the perks of solitude
recently been going out everyday, alone, to the library just to get work done.
really gotta get down to focusing on my work this holidays and i guess some sacrifices have to be made.
it was not entirely an easy decision for me to head out all on my own to concentrate on my work; it really took me so much willpower to do everything from waking up at 8am in the morning just to reach the library early to get a good seat, having lunch and dinner alone, gathering the guts to camp at starbucks this once, and basically just learning to be independent.
come on, i'm a 17-year-old, it's high time i ought to learn to do certain things in solitude or just learn to be alone.
and i've come to realize that it isn't such a bad idea after all.
i actually really enjoy studying alone because i get the quiet time to myself and i actually have the space, freedom and independence to do whatever i want.
kinda hate meeting people to study not because there is a risk of distractions, but more of the fact that because i am never punctual and then that guilt that follows straight after being late is just ....
i don't have to be tied down by time and seriously, it becomes an own-time-own-target kinda situation, which i like because i don't perform under pressure, at all. this lesson i have clearly learnt at o's.
being alone also means that i get the freedom to decide where i want to go and what i want to eat.
it sometimes is tiring to accommodate one another and really, being around with people would mean that your work efficiency would be cut by more than half. (tried and tested)
it's like that day (or rather many days) i've studied alone at bedok nlb, decided swiftly on lunch and returned to the library in 30 mins.
maybe the speed that i ate at was hastened too partly because i'm alone and sometimes your belongings being left unattended might not be entirely safe.
but still that is an evident plus point of mugging outside on my own.
also, i like to set out a list of things to do for that day and get it done no matter what, and sometimes it really irks me whenever i cannot finish that checklist because there will always be that one, last anal question on organic chemistry you just don't feel like doing or that damn math paper that you've attempted but left almost half of it blank (and you can't really consider it to be "done" because of the mountain load of blanks you've left)...
but now when i'm out alone i kinda always adhere to this timing of packing up at 4pm.
packing up at 4pm means that gives me a buffer time of 1 hour to go wherever i want to and do whatever i want.
last i checked, i went to walk around bedok mall and grabbed some clothes and i also borrowed a couple of books from the library since i didn't really want to head home that early (well that's an absolute first for me).
once i get home i'd stick to my usual daily pilates routine and then go for a 30-min jog around my neighbourhood! :-)
it sounds like a really ideal plan and i hope that i can stick to this for the week ahead.
we're down to the final week of the one-month break and once school starts, shit is going to get real.
really real.
going to make the very best out of this one week and catch up with whatever that i've lost midway.
it's might not be an easy battle but i know i will fight my hardest.
in the end it all boils down to you, alone, and how well you will tackle this common enemy of ours.
so i guess it's baby steps towards solitude, and just learning to do shit alone.
by the way i am not trying to blow my trumpet about this being some super effective, foolproof "schedule" of mine and that you'll think with this "motivation" of mine i am going to be so driven forward and "definitely going to produce some standard of results".
no i did not intentionally create this kind of expectation of me that you might start to have, because all i know is that this new routine is helping me so much more.
not in terms of academics because i cannot guarantee straight a's because i am obviously lacking in some capacity of intelligence, but the fact that i am becoming a happier person.
i guess i've found the way to get work done without becoming stressed or pressured by the fact that the content is immense.
i'm making time for life and the things i like to do (i.e. watching running man every night and fangirling because kwangsoo hehehe).
i'm pretty sure there is more to life than mere studying, so just don't think too much, and everything will turn out fine. xx
keep going guys we're all in this together ;-)
Sunday, June 15, 2014
this hope shall anchor my soul
spent 7 hours in the library today trying to complete my agenda for today, which was more homework.
productivity was at its peak today and i'm really happy for that!!!
ticked off 3 things from the homework list and yay that's a step closer to whacking that pile down and starting on revision.
150+ days left to a levels, which means only 19 fridays left.
19. wow. that's a scarily surreal number.
don't know if i'll ever make it at this rate i'm going but, i will do my best (screw the school and their nonsense about us merely claiming to put in our best effort)
-
i don't know but have you ever felt like you are losing it all?
well i do.
it's like suddenly everything is so difficult, so hard-pressed, so insane.
i feel like i'm losing sight of where i'm headed, and not only so, but i feel like i'm like i'm losing myself, as a person too.
i can feel my personal self eroding; i am so tired of doing things for people when sometimes they don't really appreciate it.
i think sometimes i really spend too much time on stupid things.
stupid things that aren't even worth my time and effort.
maybe i value love too much.
not that kind of romantic love but the caring love.
the kind that you find joy in seeing someone else happy.
but why?
i'm slowly losing the motivation to carry on, to continue to be that encourager.
obviously i am not having it any easier myself, but i'm human too, and i get tired as well.
is it wrong for me to need that bit of encouragement too?
seriously the only reason why i am frantically typing everything here is because i think everyone is as equally bogged down by their own set of problems to be even caring about mine.
what's more it's such a crucial year of a's, who the shit will care about emotions?
it is really both a blessing and curse to feel everything so, so deeply.
and i really wished i could emotionally detach myself from people and things.
but i can feel it coming already, this change.
i'm starting to feel like i can always be alone.
i'm slowly accepting the times of solitude and quietness when i'm alone.
one half of me is saying that but yet another half is silently whispering to me otherwise.
am i even making any sense so far? i think this stress is seriously getting into my head.
i'm sorry to my family whom i kinda expressed my dissatisfaction rather strongly at, whom have always been worried about my whereabouts because i keep disappearing out to study in the day and only returning at night.
i'm sorry i am such a selfish individual that only knows how to put my own interests first (i.e. studies and friends) and all you guys can do is to watch me be set free by my own desires.
i'm sorry that i haven't been spending a lot of time at home, but really, studying outside is really the best for me.
i'm sorry that i have always been such a letdown as much as i try. i know you never blame me for not producing results and even just affirm me for simply doing my best, but honestly the amount of time and devotion and encouragement you have lavished on me isn't proportional to the kind of results i am producing and seriously i can't help but feel like i am a letdown.
i'm sorry to my friends if i haven't been the best one around, that i haven't been someone worthy of your time and company.
i'm sorry that i don't know how to help you all when you guys need help, i myself am at a loss, if i can't even save myself how am i going to help you?
i'm sorry for being this much of a failure in life, i don't even know what i'm good at.
there are people out there who are capable at something; they can dance, they can sing, they can cook, they can draw, they can play an instrument, they can do something at least, with their lives.
and then you have me over here who doesn't seem to have a direction in life.
there's really nothing i can do exceptionally well.
i don't know what is hampering my footsteps in dreaming big and achieving it.
i guess i lack some confidence and that i am always held back by my emotions.
i am TT__TT so much right now i don't even know where to begin again.
but i will always bear this in mind.
let this be the hope that shall anchor my soul.
Saturday, June 7, 2014
concert and cafes
it has been a really hectic month but i have finally cleared mid-years!!!
nothing much to be happy about because the results are pretty damn shit and so is the mood right now.
oh well.
nonetheless i had a great week of post-exam de-stressing sessions and i must say it was a good break that followed from the mye crazies.
this week i visited about 4 cafes and i'm definitely one happy kid now.
really putting the 'hopping' into the much-raved-about 'cafe-hopping' ;)
REAL FOOD
so i visited this place on monday after our holiday lessons with vanessa!
as its name suggests, real food is a place that serves nothing but the best foods because it is prepared with a great deal of passion all in the effort of healthy/green eating.
what makes this place stand out from the rest is that it is a meat-free place, and everything is healthily and carefully prepared with vegetables or flour-based ingredients.
this is the place to visit if you are a conscious eater or either that you want to try eating cleanly for a meal! ;-)
i must say that this place is pretty good because the menu still offers a wide variety of different options ranging from all-day breakfast to sandwiches to main courses like pasta and pizza!
i decided on the kombu shiitake soup with udon while vanessa had dumpling soup with brown rice.
the price was rather pocket-friendly as there was no service-charge (or was it gst ahahaha i forgot) so we paid less than $10 each for what we ate :-)
my soup was pretty bland but i guess that's what you get for wanting to eat really healthily.
but the dumplings were really good and for something that does not contain meat i swear, the juice from the 10-over ingredients in the dumplings just makes it oooh-la-la!!!
and i am not even a fan of dumplings...
so go ahead and pop by real food if you'd like to dine out because this is really a healthier option!
LOLA'S CAFE
not my first time here but tuesday was my virgin try at its desserts and appetisers there with nigel and xiaohui!
ordered their iced mocha; nothing impressive but it was okay because i didn't like my coffee too strong and this one was pretty chocolate-y and bitter rather than aromatic.
so don't try this if you like your coffee thick and strong!!!
the honey wings we shared were so damn good i'm not even exaggerating, it was something unique that i've never tried before and they were pretty generous with the honey so yay!!! :)
the bangers & mash were cooked to perfection especially the potatoes because they were so fresh you could even taste the real potato bits in 'em!
tried the seasalt chocolate tart with coffee cream and yeah this was pretty good because the tart crust and the bitter chocolate went really well together. the cream wasn't too frothy and thick and gross so yay for that!
the lemon meringue tart was rather ordinary to me and i'm not exactly a sucker for those dried lemon peels on top hahaha. tasted pretty weird to me.
popped by again the next day during our 4.5h break to have brunch with jennee, vanessa and gina here!
pretty annoyed because we waited for an hour or so just to get our seats...
but it was rather amusing because we got to judge the people who were sitting outdoors hahaha. #meanshit
wanted to try the mushroom melt for a very long time already so i finally ordered this!!!
LOOK AT THE MUSHROOM, CHEESE AND BRIOCHE BREAD GOODNESS.
i swear the brioche bread is amazing and in fact amazing is an understatement.
the natural sweetness of the brioche accompanied by the salty mushroom and cheese made it so perfect.
the portion is pretty generous and it kept me full for really long and that i didn't even have dinner!
this is really a to-die-for must-try item on the menu and i will definitely return to order this again!!!!!
super super super lip-smacking that you can't get enough.
dreaming of the brioche now.....
BACKSTAGE CAFE
this has become my new favourite place after a long and hard hunt for this!!!
always wanted to try this because i've read really good reviews about it and yay the day finally came!
the menu laid out such a wide spread for us and we were all spoiled for choice.
i ordered the chicken burger thing (top right, can't remember the exact name) for $13 and it seriously exceeded my expectations.
anyway recently i don't know why but i keep ordering burgers though i don't like 'em and the fries but meh i think i'm starting to fall in love with burgers simply because of the bread. :P
so, with the mindset of i-just-want-to-eat-bread-so-i-will-just-buy-the-burger i did not expect that the chicken fillet inside was so tender and delicious!!!!
it was not like the kind of cheap, ground-up meat you'd usually get but i could taste the sweet sauces exploding from the careful marination of the meat!!!
shan't comment on the fries because all fries taste the same to me...
had dessert and tried their rainbow cake as well as the oreo cheesecake.
i really really enjoyed the oreo cheesecake omg it is too good beyond description.
however i feel that the rainbow cake was too dense, or should i say it's aesthetic appeal overran the texture of real sponge cake.
it was a tad too moist and tbh i think any amateur baker can bake a cake better than that.
but yeah, maybe that's what rainbow cakes are; pretty-looking but average-tasting.
definitely going to come back because the place is so peaceful and quiet and actually i didn't wanna write about this place because i secretly don't want it to become popular and lose its ambience ahahahahaha oops.
SETTLER'S CAFE
(okay the photo is inverted but who cares)
tried this on friday in place of shoebox canteen because it was unknowingly closed :(
was a little disappointed because i really wanted to try the shoebox canteen!
settled (ha ha ha) with this alternative; settler's cafe and honestly i didn't regret it anymore ;)
the prices are mad-cheap and students get additional discounts!!!
we paid $25 for 3 people and this was including a main course, soup and drink each.
it's actually a gaming cafe with 600 over games to choose from but the games come at a different rate.
service was thumbs-up as the guy was really friendly and patient with us as we were placing our orders :)
the only setback here is that they don't have much desserts and if they served something like waffles or cakes or tarts i'm sure the sweet-tooth will come flocking in!
overall i really enjoyed this place as the food was really good (the mushroom soup is seriously heaven) and the service was really warm.
going to come back here again on monday!!!!
super good place to just chill-out and catch-up with your pals!
so that's about it for my cafe review.
moving on to the much-anticipated concert that i've been awaiting since mye's!!!
WE THE KINGS - THE ART OF TOUR
decided to buy tickets for the art of tour because i really loved their new album.
art of war never gets old, find you there is my happy pill, sad song is for the times when you are seriously feeling sad, say it now is my occasional need-to-listen-to song and etc.
glad that i managed to here those songs live along with any other way and i like it ;)
they played classics like check yes juliet and skyway avenue too omg :)))
but personally i felt that my $88 was not as well-spent as i thought it would be.
firstly, too much of the singing was left to the crowd.
not a personal attack to the band or anything but, honestly they could do with so much more of their powerhouse vocals rather than leaving it to the audience to spoil by singing it off-pitch.
seriously they have super good voices live but the frequent pauses and amplification of the audience's mesmerized chanting was just too much.
i swear check yes juliet, half the singing was done by the crowd and it was pretty much a big bummer.
really annoying as heck too because the crowd was a piece of rowdy shit.
the people were generally of a younger age group than ours and some were rude as shit and shouted like a bitch at the people around.
oh hell no this is a concert it is so not normal for the pushing to happen -_-
i swear i wanted so much to slap some of these people...
furthermore i was just this close to witnessing a physical cat fight between a group of girls who were fighting over the drumstick that they threw.
yeah i know you are a diehard crazy fan and that i'm not, but seriously all that pushing and shouting was seriously uncalled for.
all your reputation has gone down the drain, girl.
secondly, the acoustics were LEGIT SHIT.
the venue was quite crappy (it was at the coliseum) and also i think because the sound crew screwed up a lot.
so much for trying to fine-tune the drums and guitars but honestly it was quite pissing because the drums and bass were way too heavy.
it completely drowned out the vocals and the videos i recorded, you can't even hear travis singing.
i know you shouldn''t record videos as it'll spoil the mood but seriously, you can't even hear travis' voice live.
all you can hear is the overweighted pounding of the drums which seriously gave me a headache.
sighpie.
maybe because i've been to simple plan's concert (which was bloody bloody good) that's why i've raised the bar for my expectations this concert.
oh well.
nonetheless i do not mean any offence but honestly if the acoustics were better balanced the concert would have been perfect.
not depriving we the kings of their amazing talent live, but really, everything dampened all thanks to the poor sound management.
but i still had a good time anyway, and thank you we the kings for being here in singapore to deliver the best concert that you could have :-)
nothing much to be happy about because the results are pretty damn shit and so is the mood right now.
oh well.
nonetheless i had a great week of post-exam de-stressing sessions and i must say it was a good break that followed from the mye crazies.
this week i visited about 4 cafes and i'm definitely one happy kid now.
really putting the 'hopping' into the much-raved-about 'cafe-hopping' ;)
REAL FOOD
so i visited this place on monday after our holiday lessons with vanessa!
as its name suggests, real food is a place that serves nothing but the best foods because it is prepared with a great deal of passion all in the effort of healthy/green eating.
what makes this place stand out from the rest is that it is a meat-free place, and everything is healthily and carefully prepared with vegetables or flour-based ingredients.
this is the place to visit if you are a conscious eater or either that you want to try eating cleanly for a meal! ;-)
i must say that this place is pretty good because the menu still offers a wide variety of different options ranging from all-day breakfast to sandwiches to main courses like pasta and pizza!
i decided on the kombu shiitake soup with udon while vanessa had dumpling soup with brown rice.
the price was rather pocket-friendly as there was no service-charge (or was it gst ahahaha i forgot) so we paid less than $10 each for what we ate :-)
my soup was pretty bland but i guess that's what you get for wanting to eat really healthily.
but the dumplings were really good and for something that does not contain meat i swear, the juice from the 10-over ingredients in the dumplings just makes it oooh-la-la!!!
and i am not even a fan of dumplings...
so go ahead and pop by real food if you'd like to dine out because this is really a healthier option!
LOLA'S CAFE
not my first time here but tuesday was my virgin try at its desserts and appetisers there with nigel and xiaohui!
ordered their iced mocha; nothing impressive but it was okay because i didn't like my coffee too strong and this one was pretty chocolate-y and bitter rather than aromatic.
so don't try this if you like your coffee thick and strong!!!
the honey wings we shared were so damn good i'm not even exaggerating, it was something unique that i've never tried before and they were pretty generous with the honey so yay!!! :)
the bangers & mash were cooked to perfection especially the potatoes because they were so fresh you could even taste the real potato bits in 'em!
tried the seasalt chocolate tart with coffee cream and yeah this was pretty good because the tart crust and the bitter chocolate went really well together. the cream wasn't too frothy and thick and gross so yay for that!
the lemon meringue tart was rather ordinary to me and i'm not exactly a sucker for those dried lemon peels on top hahaha. tasted pretty weird to me.
popped by again the next day during our 4.5h break to have brunch with jennee, vanessa and gina here!
pretty annoyed because we waited for an hour or so just to get our seats...
but it was rather amusing because we got to judge the people who were sitting outdoors hahaha. #meanshit
wanted to try the mushroom melt for a very long time already so i finally ordered this!!!
LOOK AT THE MUSHROOM, CHEESE AND BRIOCHE BREAD GOODNESS.
i swear the brioche bread is amazing and in fact amazing is an understatement.
the natural sweetness of the brioche accompanied by the salty mushroom and cheese made it so perfect.
the portion is pretty generous and it kept me full for really long and that i didn't even have dinner!
this is really a to-die-for must-try item on the menu and i will definitely return to order this again!!!!!
super super super lip-smacking that you can't get enough.
dreaming of the brioche now.....
BACKSTAGE CAFE
this has become my new favourite place after a long and hard hunt for this!!!
always wanted to try this because i've read really good reviews about it and yay the day finally came!
the menu laid out such a wide spread for us and we were all spoiled for choice.
i ordered the chicken burger thing (top right, can't remember the exact name) for $13 and it seriously exceeded my expectations.
anyway recently i don't know why but i keep ordering burgers though i don't like 'em and the fries but meh i think i'm starting to fall in love with burgers simply because of the bread. :P
so, with the mindset of i-just-want-to-eat-bread-so-i-will-just-buy-the-burger i did not expect that the chicken fillet inside was so tender and delicious!!!!
it was not like the kind of cheap, ground-up meat you'd usually get but i could taste the sweet sauces exploding from the careful marination of the meat!!!
shan't comment on the fries because all fries taste the same to me...
had dessert and tried their rainbow cake as well as the oreo cheesecake.
i really really enjoyed the oreo cheesecake omg it is too good beyond description.
however i feel that the rainbow cake was too dense, or should i say it's aesthetic appeal overran the texture of real sponge cake.
it was a tad too moist and tbh i think any amateur baker can bake a cake better than that.
but yeah, maybe that's what rainbow cakes are; pretty-looking but average-tasting.
definitely going to come back because the place is so peaceful and quiet and actually i didn't wanna write about this place because i secretly don't want it to become popular and lose its ambience ahahahahaha oops.
SETTLER'S CAFE
(okay the photo is inverted but who cares)
tried this on friday in place of shoebox canteen because it was unknowingly closed :(
was a little disappointed because i really wanted to try the shoebox canteen!
settled (ha ha ha) with this alternative; settler's cafe and honestly i didn't regret it anymore ;)
the prices are mad-cheap and students get additional discounts!!!
we paid $25 for 3 people and this was including a main course, soup and drink each.
it's actually a gaming cafe with 600 over games to choose from but the games come at a different rate.
service was thumbs-up as the guy was really friendly and patient with us as we were placing our orders :)
the only setback here is that they don't have much desserts and if they served something like waffles or cakes or tarts i'm sure the sweet-tooth will come flocking in!
overall i really enjoyed this place as the food was really good (the mushroom soup is seriously heaven) and the service was really warm.
going to come back here again on monday!!!!
super good place to just chill-out and catch-up with your pals!
so that's about it for my cafe review.
moving on to the much-anticipated concert that i've been awaiting since mye's!!!
WE THE KINGS - THE ART OF TOUR
decided to buy tickets for the art of tour because i really loved their new album.
art of war never gets old, find you there is my happy pill, sad song is for the times when you are seriously feeling sad, say it now is my occasional need-to-listen-to song and etc.
glad that i managed to here those songs live along with any other way and i like it ;)
they played classics like check yes juliet and skyway avenue too omg :)))
but personally i felt that my $88 was not as well-spent as i thought it would be.
firstly, too much of the singing was left to the crowd.
not a personal attack to the band or anything but, honestly they could do with so much more of their powerhouse vocals rather than leaving it to the audience to spoil by singing it off-pitch.
seriously they have super good voices live but the frequent pauses and amplification of the audience's mesmerized chanting was just too much.
i swear check yes juliet, half the singing was done by the crowd and it was pretty much a big bummer.
really annoying as heck too because the crowd was a piece of rowdy shit.
the people were generally of a younger age group than ours and some were rude as shit and shouted like a bitch at the people around.
oh hell no this is a concert it is so not normal for the pushing to happen -_-
i swear i wanted so much to slap some of these people...
furthermore i was just this close to witnessing a physical cat fight between a group of girls who were fighting over the drumstick that they threw.
yeah i know you are a diehard crazy fan and that i'm not, but seriously all that pushing and shouting was seriously uncalled for.
all your reputation has gone down the drain, girl.
secondly, the acoustics were LEGIT SHIT.
the venue was quite crappy (it was at the coliseum) and also i think because the sound crew screwed up a lot.
so much for trying to fine-tune the drums and guitars but honestly it was quite pissing because the drums and bass were way too heavy.
it completely drowned out the vocals and the videos i recorded, you can't even hear travis singing.
i know you shouldn''t record videos as it'll spoil the mood but seriously, you can't even hear travis' voice live.
all you can hear is the overweighted pounding of the drums which seriously gave me a headache.
sighpie.
maybe because i've been to simple plan's concert (which was bloody bloody good) that's why i've raised the bar for my expectations this concert.
oh well.
nonetheless i do not mean any offence but honestly if the acoustics were better balanced the concert would have been perfect.
not depriving we the kings of their amazing talent live, but really, everything dampened all thanks to the poor sound management.
but i still had a good time anyway, and thank you we the kings for being here in singapore to deliver the best concert that you could have :-)
"without you i feel broke, like i'm half of a whole.
without you, i've got no hand to hold.
without you i feel torn, like a sail in a storm.
without you, i'm just a sad song."
xoxo
Saturday, May 24, 2014
halfway through midyears // pinterest is love
so yes today marks the end of week 2 (or should i say 1) of the mid-year exams!!!!
i'm already semi-partying hahaha.
it doesn't really feel like the exams because ever since conquering 3 in a day last friday (gp x2 and bio paper 2) i felt like i could do anything in the world hahahahaha.
and also most of my papers are in the afternoon so... the fact that there's the mornings free for you to study or slack or sleep makes you feel like a chill.
so yeah this week is down and another full subject (chem), math paper 2 and bio paper 1 next week to fight head-on with!
i will work hard and do my best, but then saying that comes with potential risks because i keep finding new addictions to feed my boredom...
firstly it was doodle find, which i finally broke my record by 1000 points after like a year.... YAY.
but the thing is that i am always this close to a new high score by like one damn doodle away.
so i'm getting quite frustrated at myself hahahaha.
time to chuck that damn game aside and make way for my newfound-love....... pinterest!!!!
ah. that motto quintessentially captures the essence of pinterest.
anyway, so what on earth is pinterest?
well basically to me it's like tumblr, twitter, instagram and weheartit all-in-one!
instagram for it's aesthetically appealing visuals minus the meaningless low-quality shots that occasionally appear on your feed.
twitter for it's rapid sharing and networking characteristic because it links from soooooo many websites out there on the net.
tumblr for it's quality photos accompanied with beautiful quotes without the mainstream-ness.
and weheartit for its super user-friendly application that allows you to save pictures to your camera roll etc.
i think what makes pinterest so addictive (for me) is because of it's customization.
your profile is really what you are, because it showcases photos that pander to your interest or even on a more profound level, speak to your heart.
you get to pick what you want to show the world, and because this proliferation of social media has made us become even lazier people, the very edge that pinterest has over the rest of the social media networks is that you are not compelled to post anything to "keep up with your follower count" (like instagram).
being a 4-hour old pinterester, what i've been doing is that i'm merely "stealing" people's pins and pinning them to my own boards, and that other people can actually follow my boards if they like my "collection" too.
haven't uploaded anything worthy of mention on it yet, and correct me if i'm wrong, but honestly i feel it doesn't matter whether you post anything or not.
okay maybe because i'm a newbie and i follow no one and neither does anyone follow me.
anyway back to the point of customization, you get to choose from the categories that pique your interest, and for me that would be quotable quotes, flowers, bread, ummm trivia, home & decor etc. etc.
and once you start pinning such photos to your boards pinterest filters your homepage for you such that you get to view similar images.
pinterest is so darn amazing i can't even; it's like your online camera roll where you store all your favourites simply because your phone just doesn't have all the space to do so.
this is really a one-stop place for great inspiration and ideas to your next project, as it's advert tagline suggests.
i really really really enjoy using pinterest (and have been for the past 4 hours) and obviously there is some risk of such pronouncements because mid-years are obviously nowhere near from its end...
oh well.
let's hope (no wait i shall) put the next two days to good use and do my best to prepare for chem!!!!
was supposed to finish up chemical bonding today but meh those 4 hours were diverted to pinning photos down sigh.
but oh well, at least my eyes are satisfied now :-)
hello to the pinterest creator if you ever chance upon this just know that i am really thankful and amazed at the development of this awesome site!!!!!! (will you pay me for this advertisement ok i am obviously kidding hahahahaha but yes this is all done out of love and appreciation ahahahaha thank you!!!)
^ i sound like some diehard fan going crazy over some boyband. oops.
i'm already semi-partying hahaha.
it doesn't really feel like the exams because ever since conquering 3 in a day last friday (gp x2 and bio paper 2) i felt like i could do anything in the world hahahahaha.
and also most of my papers are in the afternoon so... the fact that there's the mornings free for you to study or slack or sleep makes you feel like a chill.
so yeah this week is down and another full subject (chem), math paper 2 and bio paper 1 next week to fight head-on with!
i will work hard and do my best, but then saying that comes with potential risks because i keep finding new addictions to feed my boredom...
firstly it was doodle find, which i finally broke my record by 1000 points after like a year.... YAY.
but the thing is that i am always this close to a new high score by like one damn doodle away.
so i'm getting quite frustrated at myself hahahaha.
time to chuck that damn game aside and make way for my newfound-love....... pinterest!!!!
ah. that motto quintessentially captures the essence of pinterest.
anyway, so what on earth is pinterest?
well basically to me it's like tumblr, twitter, instagram and weheartit all-in-one!
instagram for it's aesthetically appealing visuals minus the meaningless low-quality shots that occasionally appear on your feed.
twitter for it's rapid sharing and networking characteristic because it links from soooooo many websites out there on the net.
tumblr for it's quality photos accompanied with beautiful quotes without the mainstream-ness.
and weheartit for its super user-friendly application that allows you to save pictures to your camera roll etc.
i think what makes pinterest so addictive (for me) is because of it's customization.
your profile is really what you are, because it showcases photos that pander to your interest or even on a more profound level, speak to your heart.
you get to pick what you want to show the world, and because this proliferation of social media has made us become even lazier people, the very edge that pinterest has over the rest of the social media networks is that you are not compelled to post anything to "keep up with your follower count" (like instagram).
being a 4-hour old pinterester, what i've been doing is that i'm merely "stealing" people's pins and pinning them to my own boards, and that other people can actually follow my boards if they like my "collection" too.
haven't uploaded anything worthy of mention on it yet, and correct me if i'm wrong, but honestly i feel it doesn't matter whether you post anything or not.
okay maybe because i'm a newbie and i follow no one and neither does anyone follow me.
anyway back to the point of customization, you get to choose from the categories that pique your interest, and for me that would be quotable quotes, flowers, bread, ummm trivia, home & decor etc. etc.
and once you start pinning such photos to your boards pinterest filters your homepage for you such that you get to view similar images.
pinterest is so darn amazing i can't even; it's like your online camera roll where you store all your favourites simply because your phone just doesn't have all the space to do so.
this is really a one-stop place for great inspiration and ideas to your next project, as it's advert tagline suggests.
so guys please do try out pinterest because i seriously think it will change your life!!!!!!
usability: 10/10
sociability (since it is well after all a social networking site): 8/10 (though there's this comment section but hardly anyone uses it i guess so there's lesser connectivity)
addictiveness: 1000/10 (warning: i am a current living example of a distracted individual)
follow me on pinterest if you can too ;) @jellytrucks
i really really really enjoy using pinterest (and have been for the past 4 hours) and obviously there is some risk of such pronouncements because mid-years are obviously nowhere near from its end...
oh well.
let's hope (no wait i shall) put the next two days to good use and do my best to prepare for chem!!!!
was supposed to finish up chemical bonding today but meh those 4 hours were diverted to pinning photos down sigh.
but oh well, at least my eyes are satisfied now :-)
hello to the pinterest creator if you ever chance upon this just know that i am really thankful and amazed at the development of this awesome site!!!!!! (will you pay me for this advertisement ok i am obviously kidding hahahahaha but yes this is all done out of love and appreciation ahahahaha thank you!!!)
^ i sound like some diehard fan going crazy over some boyband. oops.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
losing focus
i swear this is me right now.
i. cannot. freaking. focus.
i don't even know why!!!!!
it's like i would do anything but study.
i can just nua on my bed doing nothing, or stare into blank space at nothing.
i would do anything and everything, i even went to play icy tower on facebook because i was just so freaking tired of studying (which was when i found out that there is no more restaurant city on fb too).
my attention span is like less than 3 minutes before i pick up my phone again.
so damn tired of studying already omg, i know it's the mid-year exam period and i shouldn't be losing my motivation at times like this, but really i cannot help it.
i think coming to jc has really made me develop a hate for studying.
i used to not mind mugging in secondary school, but now in jc it's a whole different story.
jc makes you feel really stupid, like a pea.
gross.
aiya i just hope i get through mid-years and improve a little from common tests.
mye's start this friday with gp and freaking bio omg????!!!!!?!?!?!!?
there's study leave tmrw, but i'm not sure if i should go to the airport to study?
but if yes that means i have to lug all my bio crap over there and that includes one fat file of lecture notes + books plus the damn ten-year series which i think is at least 500 pages thick.
omg how how how or should i go for half a day and come back home after lunch to memorize content b'cos i can't do it outside?
but i cannot focus at home i swear omg.
sucks to be me.
how how how how what should i do tmr/where should i study tmr!!!! :(
Saturday, May 10, 2014
two thirty-nine a.m.
because i will get through this.
with mid-years in a week, and all these weird hazy feelings coming out of nowhere...
i will survive.
Friday, April 25, 2014
random midnight rant like as though there is no school tomorrow
sometimes people really annoy me.
not that i am infallible and perfect, but seriously people really have issues.
i can't believe i was once intrigued by the study of human behaviour and psychology.
now i'm just like seriously screw you okay, i don't give a damn about anything related to humans and people and mankind and homosapiens because i freaking swear i hate people.
you get it?
i don't HATE anyone in particular okay, but people in general.
how people do things.
how people behave.
how people respond.
how people talk.
how people treat others (of their kind).
how people act.
i swear we humans are nothing but problems.
so much for being the most civilized group of living creatures that inhabit this earth.
sometimes i think even a dog knows how to behave better than humans when given the command.
we prestige ourselves to be the most sophisticated, mannered, poised and whatnot but just look at the kind of behaviours we exhibit ourselves as humans.
first and foremost i think we are seriously selfish.
selfish in the sense that we are so accustomed to thinking that "this world revolves around me and me alone so i am not going to care about the others because as long as i survive that's all that matters".
we can never seem to put others before ourselves (even while typing this very sentence i screwed up the order of typing by accident and out came "put ourselves before others", just proved my point).
nor do we actually make the effort to.
so much for raising ourselves on a pedestal and crowning ourselves with the titles of kindness and compassion when we don't even spare a thought for others when we do things.
it's not entirely radical in that sense, but think about it.
how much are you willing to forgo for someone?
how much are you going to sacrifice for someone?
each person has their own boundaries depending on the person in context, but undoubtedly there is still a line drawn between the distance we will go for someone, no matter how important they are to us.
secondly humans lack respect.
and when i mean respect i mean basic manners like "good morning", "hello", "please" and "thank you".
i admit that i myself am not entirely well-mannered nor am i some prim and proper princess who curtsies to everyone i see out there.
i don't understand why and this is the one thing that infuriates me most about people - the fact that you show no due respect to your own kind.
i mean seriously, i think animals exhibit better behaviour than we do.
do you ever see a puppy barking (or whimpering for that matter) back at its mother?
obviously not right.
i don't know where we got our defiance from, but seriously we are not that cool if you think about it.
being human and humane are so close yet so far apart.
i mean who can't be human? we are ALL human anyway.
but being humane, merely requires the addition of just an 'e', is something we are far from attaining as humans.
our words cut each other like knives slitting through our throats, our actions hurt each other like open wounds after a battle.
who cares a hoot about how we all feel?
"as long as i can live, i will fight my way through, fight for it and fight against them.." - this has become the modern-day adage of humans.
we are so self-centered and disrespectful it disgusts me.
so much for reverence.
thirdly humans are far too extreme.
we come in so many different forms it's never possible to reach a conclusion.
some are too domineering and some are too quiet.
let the domineering bitch conquer you? no way in hell can you ever command the respect of your peers.
let the softspoken little girl conquer you? no way in hell can you ever get things done.
so what??????????
who do i choose?
the fact that it is the natural convention of two extreme sides "yes" and "no".
and in the human world you can only say yes or no with no intermediate in between accepted as an answer.
lastly humans are hypocrites through and through.
and this revolves back to the fact that we are all selfish.
we care about superficial things like our image and all rather than bothering to strengthen the inter-personal bonds.
it's like how friends are just people with common interests.
after you know what it feels like to not have each other for so long you just give up and move on and find someone else new.
sometimes friends are never true friends simply because we depend on each other for that moment in time when we just need "anyone" to be there.
i have such a warped perception of friendship now but who the hell cares.
anyway today i've also learnt that there are some things that are just meant to be.
it's fate you can say, and we shouldn't force things to go against its natural flow.
i believe that what is yours will rightfully be yours.
personally i'm the kind to fight for what i believe is right but not for the things that i think i deserve.
contradictory and sad at the same time.
doesn't really matter i guess because i believe my life has already been planned out for me (i'm not christian btw) and i will just accept, learn, and grow in whatever way i can. xx
not that i am infallible and perfect, but seriously people really have issues.
i can't believe i was once intrigued by the study of human behaviour and psychology.
now i'm just like seriously screw you okay, i don't give a damn about anything related to humans and people and mankind and homosapiens because i freaking swear i hate people.
you get it?
i don't HATE anyone in particular okay, but people in general.
how people do things.
how people behave.
how people respond.
how people talk.
how people treat others (of their kind).
how people act.
i swear we humans are nothing but problems.
so much for being the most civilized group of living creatures that inhabit this earth.
sometimes i think even a dog knows how to behave better than humans when given the command.
we prestige ourselves to be the most sophisticated, mannered, poised and whatnot but just look at the kind of behaviours we exhibit ourselves as humans.
first and foremost i think we are seriously selfish.
selfish in the sense that we are so accustomed to thinking that "this world revolves around me and me alone so i am not going to care about the others because as long as i survive that's all that matters".
we can never seem to put others before ourselves (even while typing this very sentence i screwed up the order of typing by accident and out came "put ourselves before others", just proved my point).
nor do we actually make the effort to.
so much for raising ourselves on a pedestal and crowning ourselves with the titles of kindness and compassion when we don't even spare a thought for others when we do things.
it's not entirely radical in that sense, but think about it.
how much are you willing to forgo for someone?
how much are you going to sacrifice for someone?
each person has their own boundaries depending on the person in context, but undoubtedly there is still a line drawn between the distance we will go for someone, no matter how important they are to us.
secondly humans lack respect.
and when i mean respect i mean basic manners like "good morning", "hello", "please" and "thank you".
i admit that i myself am not entirely well-mannered nor am i some prim and proper princess who curtsies to everyone i see out there.
i don't understand why and this is the one thing that infuriates me most about people - the fact that you show no due respect to your own kind.
i mean seriously, i think animals exhibit better behaviour than we do.
do you ever see a puppy barking (or whimpering for that matter) back at its mother?
obviously not right.
i don't know where we got our defiance from, but seriously we are not that cool if you think about it.
being human and humane are so close yet so far apart.
i mean who can't be human? we are ALL human anyway.
but being humane, merely requires the addition of just an 'e', is something we are far from attaining as humans.
our words cut each other like knives slitting through our throats, our actions hurt each other like open wounds after a battle.
who cares a hoot about how we all feel?
"as long as i can live, i will fight my way through, fight for it and fight against them.." - this has become the modern-day adage of humans.
we are so self-centered and disrespectful it disgusts me.
so much for reverence.
thirdly humans are far too extreme.
we come in so many different forms it's never possible to reach a conclusion.
some are too domineering and some are too quiet.
let the domineering bitch conquer you? no way in hell can you ever command the respect of your peers.
let the softspoken little girl conquer you? no way in hell can you ever get things done.
so what??????????
who do i choose?
the fact that it is the natural convention of two extreme sides "yes" and "no".
and in the human world you can only say yes or no with no intermediate in between accepted as an answer.
lastly humans are hypocrites through and through.
and this revolves back to the fact that we are all selfish.
we care about superficial things like our image and all rather than bothering to strengthen the inter-personal bonds.
it's like how friends are just people with common interests.
after you know what it feels like to not have each other for so long you just give up and move on and find someone else new.
sometimes friends are never true friends simply because we depend on each other for that moment in time when we just need "anyone" to be there.
i have such a warped perception of friendship now but who the hell cares.
anyway today i've also learnt that there are some things that are just meant to be.
it's fate you can say, and we shouldn't force things to go against its natural flow.
i believe that what is yours will rightfully be yours.
personally i'm the kind to fight for what i believe is right but not for the things that i think i deserve.
contradictory and sad at the same time.
doesn't really matter i guess because i believe my life has already been planned out for me (i'm not christian btw) and i will just accept, learn, and grow in whatever way i can. xx
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