love and marriage and other unimportant crap

i questioned myself a little bit deeper today about the idea of love and being in a relationship.

well it all started because i encountered a couple (maybe they aren't romantically together but nonetheless) today at the bistro while working.
they were a normal couple who popped by the place for a drinking session, and were in high spirits in the early evening.

even all the way as the day came to a close, the amount of beer they ordered was proportional to their level of happiness.

they seemed really engaged with each other's conversations and treated me really politely too. (hehe thank you i appreciate customers like that)

however when midnight fell, they suddenly got into a heated argument and raised voices at each other every so often.

i don't know what they were bickering over but i only knew that what i witnessed was something so drastic - a happy day that ended off on an ugly note.

but the catch is that the guy at the table was pretty calm and collected and he kept quiet most of the time.

while i was wiping the cutlery dry, i thought to myself - love is burdensome.

i definitely do agree that women are unpredictable creatures, like we have sporadic temperaments that explode unexpectedly.

even we can't predict when our inner bomb would explode. (at least for me)

so what does love encompass? finding the other half who will appease you is definitely not easy.

i'm quite curious as to how sparks fly between two individuals honestly.

is there an unexplained scientific theory that i'm unaware of?

even i find my own temper unbearable, what more a guy out there who will tolerate all my tantrums?!

as my friends all know i've always wanted to marry but not have kids.

putting the point of having children aside, staying single was primarily my greatest fear that i ever so feared would happen to me when i grow older.

i didn't want to be left on the shelf (as they always say), and find someone whom i could entrust my life to.

but then now i feel like getting married is something i would fear completely now.

maybe not completely, but you get the idea that the tables have turned for me.

a girl who was once engulfed by the fear or singlehood is now secretly wishing that she wouldn't get married in the future.

i don't know, i think i've built so many barriers around myself that it's hard to get to really know me and who i am.

through my constant introspection on an almost daily basis, i notice how i don't click with guys that easily.

i notice how i can barely sustain a conversation for more than 2 minutes with a guy.

i notice how i always keep to myself whenever i'm thrown into a place full of guys.

is the girls' school upbringing getting into me too much?

i don't know.

somehow i recently just don't like the idea of being tied down by someone, and the thought of marriage somehow scares me because i am forced (or should i say because of chemistry) to leave my life in the hands of another human being whom i have... not exactly known all my life.

how do sparks fly so instantly when two people of mutual affection meet????

this is something i would not understand.

call me young and raw, but honestly love is something that i will never get to understand unless i experience it myself (which i have semi-given up on my hopeless love life and decide to be a fatty couch potato who is single for life)

somebody please enlighten me, how do you know you love someone?

is it when you are exceptionally nice to him? but i treat all my guy friends around me the same as how i treat my girl friends. (gender equality advocate here yo)

some people have told me that because i am this nice to the people in my social circle that guys may often misinterpret my actions as a subtle romantic interest.

but well... that's just how i am.

i just feel a subconscious need to treat everyone around me wholeheartedly.

if i give a 100% to a friend i will do the same to the others too.

so when i say i mail out letters to my guy friends for my pre-enlistment i do it for ALL my (closer) guy friends.

hahahaha love is so complicated it's funny.

definitely something i won't understand lol.

but for now - the only form of love i know is:

YES YOU R MY QTPIE FOREVER HOHOHO 3 MORE DAYS BEFORE I GET TO STEP INTO YOUR HOMELAND OH YEAH BB



^ my jam for the day hehe enjoy

kyungsoo gif appreciation post

^ last one because the bib was cute

praying so damn hard that the 237 photos of kyungsoo/kai photos i've just saved can all fit into my (low memory) phone

but they deserve the space y'know

post-prelims

so thankful for the days of post-prelims.
i finally got a chance to relax, unwind and just, take a good break from all that studying.
not that this was a well-deserved break but i guess it was a good temporary escapade from the reality of a levels.

brunch at lola's that morning after chem paper 1 and i finally ate my mushroom brioche again :-)
i was rather disappointed though because the bread was a tad too burnt and the portion size shrinked a little (but i was still really full)...
:(
maybe i'll learn to make brioche on my own after a's to save on the costly meals at lola's!!!!!

after the shittiest bio paper 1 ever sr20 kids changed out after executing our mission take-bag-run.
had dinner at settlers' and had a great time chatting over dinner and taking selfies with fish-eye lenses.
headed down in the direction of city hall after buying my favourite hokkaido ice cream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
stopped by the oldest church in sg (chijmes is it?) and was pretty amazed by the sounds that were produced when the lights were shone on to the flowers!
walked on to armenian street and stopped by the peranakan museum!
was totally excited about the instant prints and the whole museum experience all over again! :)
loved the whole atmosphere along armenian street also because of the live brass band that we followed down the street to sing 'when the saints go marching in'!
there was this whole london feel to it omggggg :)
watched the earth harp too and wow that guy is amazing!
love the whole accompaniment of the drums and synthetic piano!!!
overall it was a great night with the best company i could ever ask for.
shall now let the pictures do the talking :)

at settler's while playing with fisheye lens and complaining about charles' drug-peddler bag HAHAHA

these were taken while we were waiting for the traffic light to turn green...................

only to find that there was no pedestrian crossing for us HAHAHAHA.

so we decided to jaywalk and took a selfie while crossing midway because the traffic was just too heavy hahahaha.

yolo man.

beanie vanvan and i hehehe so cute right 

happy patz and i with our hokkaido ice cream that melted within 5 minutes so we drank it like soup hahahaha

we got 'dem wefies!

while taking family portraits...

you've got the fierce family.

and the fun family.

HAHAHAHA

xoxoxoxoxo

another one of our attempts at group shots so as to have our instant print photos heheh.

we're gonna be the next fashion models yo hahahaha. #ootd

and yes this was my record-breaking post for the number of likes lol i sound so materialistic but who cares.

deal with it, kids.

us after making the paper hats lulllll i bet the whole world was judging us

-

thanks guys for such a wonderful night.

you don't even know how much i miss 1sr20 and sigh it would have been so much fun if we were still together.

love you guys to the moon and back; thank you all for being my strongest pillar of support and my deepest source of encouragement throughout this tumultuous journey of shitty exams.

x 

5 things before i want to accomplish before i turn 25

typical cliche post that has been the hottest topic raved about at school (by the school) that has never seemed to entice me.
i mean, me turning 25 is so far away, say about 7 years?
that's still a long way to go.
-
but then again i pause, and think. 7 years ain't very far away isn't it?
7 years ago i was listening to the click five's jenny and fall out boy's thnks fr th mmrs. (yup i was a hipster kid back then ok no jk hahahaha)
so suddenly this "things you want to do before you turn 25" suddenly resonated with every vein in me.
my future-sighted self had been called to the forefront for this random long-term vision interpretation.
and after questioning myself for a day, i kinda found the 5 things i want to achieve before 25, with the last one being more like a wish rather than something that i'd make happen.
oh well, hopefully this post will turn out interesting, so here goes!

1) choose passion over money



this would be the perfect diagrammatic representation of my thoughts that i am about to pen down.
at a young (?) age of 18 i wouldn't exactly say i've found my life purpose or interest.
things are still so transient i don't even what is going to stay and what is going to go.
when i was younger i once wanted to be a teacher so bad i actually invested in a whole load of whiteboard markers and an ikea easel-cum-whiteboard and pretended to set questions and photocopied a few sets of worksheets for my "invisible" class.
derived so much joy from it, which i don't even know how.
kids will be kids.
anyway after that i moved on from my "teacher-teacher!" aspirations to a counsellor.
like the kinds that you see in school that are pretty much slacking off in a cosy room, oops.
i believed in my great big ego that i was an excellent "advice-giver" and that i could solve any emotional problems with a few "pieces of my priceless advice".
utter bullshit because i realised how painstaking it would be to bear with all the shit you get from random outsiders you don't even know.
not as if you don't get enough bullshit in life yourself.
with that being said i would actually like to express my admiration for these counsellors/psychologists who have patience levels that never run dry eternally.
after getting over that crazy idea of venturing into counselling or psychology (which is probably one of the most cliche careers i've ever heard around), food came into the picture and ta-dah!!!!! nutritionist.
to be honest i don't even know if i'll ever make it as a scientific foodie out there because i'll probably just be cooped up in my own office raving about all the sweet treats i would be baking during the weekends.
anyway i really love food and i honestly believe in the power of it, how it can shape lives and transform people.
haven't completely abandoned this idea of nutrition as a career; the only thing stopping me is probably the fact that i won't make it big locally simply because the industry's too small.
so to date, what my current interest is probably journalism and writing.
i honestly adore the english language and it would be great if i could pursue something in the field of media.
editing and publishing maybe?
everytime i accomplish a piece of writing i always feel so accomplished and there is always that sense of joy when you find interesting viewpoints or complicated words to put into your writing.
writing is so much like cooking, except the fact that you will never burn yourself hehe.

okay back to the topic of passion over money. (i need to stop telling grandmother-long stories before touching on the main topic because at this rate i'll never be able to finish before 1am and there's school tomorrow)
so yeah i honestly don't want to be the airy-fairy pragmatic workaholic that slugs her guts out at a really shitty company that although pays well, doesn't give me happiness at all.
imagine going to work everyday and facing a pile of let's say...... something you really don't like. for me that would probably be analysing graphs depicting economic growth and writing shit-long reports on them.
oh my life, what meaning would there be anymore????
that would be like going to school now....
though the cost of living is rapidly rising and that this phenomenon is unseemly retarding, as much advice the sapient, prudent ones are going to offer me, i really hope i can land myself at a job that i enjoy.
even if the pay isn't as bountiful i guess the long-term rewards of enjoying what you do and having a good internal equanimity and mental wellness is probably a lot more satistfying :)

2) pick up 2 other languages



this was inspired by my inquisitiveness towards english i guess.
it would honestly be really amazing if you could hear me converse in a foreign language by the time i turn 25.
i mean, what harm would there be to pick up a new language?
really want to learn korean (thank running man), but i have yet to think about the other language that i want to master.
german and french could be likely possibilities because i've learnt a teeny bit about their language when studying history back in secondary school, but it's quite fascinating, especially the funny dots and lines that come along with the conventional alphabet!
hopefully i get into linguistics in uni (i pray so hard i do) and maybe i'll discover what i really really want to learn!!!!! :-)

3) start a food funding programme for needy children



i think this picture really struck me because of the numerous hands that are extended in fervent and desperate hopes of feeding their hungry stomachs.
a photograph of countless bare hands stretched out that clearly translates into the number of empty stomachs there are to satisfy.
singapore is such a blessed country with barely anything to worry about besides secondary issues of homework and stress levels.
the difference is that we worry about not being able to get what we WANT to eat, while they worry about not being able to get what they NEED.
i believe it won't hurt to fork out a little bit of my salary every week to fund a child a meal.
such a cliche project that's started by countless individuals and philanthropists out there, but i guess the feeling's different when you yourself really play a part by funding a meal for a kid.
won't say that i'd begin by reaching out to the kids living in the slums of india, but to start small, funding the needy children in singapore itself would be a positive beginning in itself.
as much as food is important to me, i strongly believe in the importance of adequate nutrition and that "3 meals a day" are the bare minimum for a child.
i think i'm kinda rubbing off jamie oliver and his meal plans for children hahahaha.
#teamjamie

4) pick up a weekly sport to keep fit and maintain an ideal weight



no i am not talking about the kinds that you play as mario and your opponent as bowser and you try in vain to burn calories by whacking around clumsily with a remote control.
i'm talking about the getting down to sweating on the court and stuff.
i actually really want to keep fit and it would be perfect to devote my sundays to playing a sport with some good old friends, just like how my dad plays badminton every thursday night and fusionball (a modified version of tennis for older folks) every sunday afternoon.
absolutely detest running so never will that happen (though i actually considered putting "accomplishing a 10km marathon under 1 hour" in this list of 5 things but obviously my lazy self retreated and even cringed at this ludicrous idea)
swimming sounds good but i'm really self-conscious of my body so no thanks.
considering badminton, golf or frisbee so yes my fellow sports-enthusiast friends please include me in some of your leisure games!!!! *raises hand really high with eagerness*

5) find someone who loves me more than i love him



yes this is in italics because i obviously cannot control this kind of prophetic fate.
was really inspired by this article on thoughtcatalog.
pretty fairytale-like and utopian but, i guess there is some truth in the words of the author.
it will be rare, so rare to find a guy who loves you more than you do to him.
i guess i am someone who's really committed when it comes to relationships with others be it platonic or romantic.
i like to believe that i give my all in every friendship i keep and nothing less when it comes to romantic relationships too.
so on my part i guess i won't shortchange him in any way because i know i will be there to keep the relationship alive!!!

i'll let the article do the talking and yes, off to sleep i go!!!
school tomorrow, exams in 3 days.
*insert all enervated facial expressions possible in this universe*

"Date a man who loves you more. Meet him young, at a time when you’re not old enough to realize how precious he is. Fall in love carelessly. Start to think he must be the one, begin building a life with him. Become entangled with his family and him with yours, believe he will be the father of your children in later years. Date a man who loves you more because he will love everything you hate about yourself. The man who loves you more will rub your feet when you’re tired and take your cousins out for ice cream because he is simply that kind of man. He will abandon his plans to come rub your back when you’re sick without you ever having to ask. The man who loves you more will allow you to grow as a person without taking space. He will be patient, kind; he will know when to apologize and when to be quiet. He will never yell. He will laugh at your jokes and find you beautiful, even at your worst. The man who loves you more will love you entirely, unconditionally; he will follow you anywhere and do anything for you.
As you grow with the man who loves you more, ignore the creeping sense of boredom. Ignore it because it is selfish, it is unbecoming, and you know you should be satisfied with this perfect man. Ignore it because you watch the women around you, your friends, your sisters, your co-workers, and you know they all long for the man you have. Ignore the melancholia and the longing you feel every time you watch a couple fight with passion, with anger, with fire. Count on your fingers the number of fights you’ve had over the years, and consider yourself lucky without really believing it. Ignore the nostalgia you feel for moments that have never existed. Ignore it because you know passion is fleeting, passion is mercurial; passion is not something you build a life on. Passion will not raise your kids, it will not pay your mortgage. When passion fades, you tell yourself, you are left with nothing but regret. Ignore the slow leak of emptiness filling your gut when you kiss him, because it does not belong in your life. It does not belong with this perfect man who loves you more. He is dependable and with him, you know you will lead a lifetime of contentment. You will travel with him, you will push him towards his goals. You will have wonderful memories and photo albums. You will celebrate milestones with pride, you will grow old holding his hand and raise balanced children with him. When your children fall in love, you will smile and hope they find someone who loves them more, because it will guarantee them the satisfied life you have led.
Do not date the other man because the other man will never give you the stability you know you need. Stay away from the other man because with him, you are unreliable. The other man will never be there for you with the same dependability you have come to expect. He will challenge you and push you to question everything you think you know about yourself. The other man will love you, he will love you in ways that make you abandon every certainty you have ever had, but he will not help you keep your balance. Just when you think you have figured that man out, he will disorient you, you will be winded, you will not be able to breathe. Date the man who loves you more because the other man will never need you. He will miss you when you’re gone, he will secretly be broken, but he will go on without you because he does not depend on anyone. This man is treacherous, you cannot trust yourself with him.
When things are good with this man, you will be euphoric. You will be the best version of yourself. You will look in the mirror and find you are beautiful. You will be the luckiest woman in the world, and you will believe it. You will tell him you love him and the words will explode out of your heart because it will be the first time you have ever encountered such irrevocable truth. He will say it back and mean it, and you will feel like you can never be close enough to him. You will lose yourself in him, and he will lose himself in you. Stay away from this man because your happiness will be fleeting. When things are bad with him, he will fight back. He will not be patient, he will not soothe you. The other man will be infuriating. He will be selfish, careless with his words and at times even cruel. He will try to inflict as much pain on you as he himself is feeling. He will not apologize and he will push you to your limits. With this man, you can expect the dizzying agony of passion, the blurred oblivion of apathy, the delicious comfort of despair, the addictive misery of loneliness. You will tell yourself that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but in that moment of utter hopelessness, you will not believe it with absolute conviction.
Date a man who loves you more because while he can never be quite enough, the other man will always be too much. The other man will leave you thirsty for more, parched for him, panicked like a drunk who has finished his last bottle. Date that man who loves you more, fall for him in a slow and steady way, build a foundation with him and consider, truly consider, how lucky you are to have found him. Do all this, because with the other man, you will never know anything but a frenzied hunger and all-encompassing madness. With that man you will burn bright and fast, and you will be invincible until you are not. Find the man who loves you more and keep him because the worth of happiness cannot be measured in days and months and years, and those fleeting few memories of pure, unadulterated bliss will never measure up to the lifetime of contentment you will have with the man who loves you more. Tell yourself this over and over, let it become your mantra, and condition yourself to believe it. Forget the other man, or at least try to, ignore the smells, the sounds and the things that remind you of him, ignore the way he made you feel, because you are better off apart. Together you make the world explode, but you cannot survive in it after. Date the man who loves you more, choose him and never let him go, because you are wise enough to know that stories of true love never have a happy ending, and with this man at least you will die knowing someone loved you more. "

goodnight my fellow sweethearts, have a great week ahead xx

concert and cafes

it has been a really hectic month but i have finally cleared mid-years!!!
nothing much to be happy about because the results are pretty damn shit and so is the mood right now.
oh well.
nonetheless i had a great week of post-exam de-stressing sessions and i must say it was a good break that followed from the mye crazies.
this week i visited about 4 cafes and i'm definitely one happy kid now.
really putting the 'hopping' into the much-raved-about 'cafe-hopping' ;)

REAL FOOD



so i visited this place on monday after our holiday lessons with vanessa!
as its name suggests, real food is a place that serves nothing but the best foods because it is prepared with a great deal of passion all in the effort of healthy/green eating.
what makes this place stand out from the rest is that it is a meat-free place, and everything is healthily and carefully prepared with vegetables or flour-based ingredients.
this is the place to visit if you are a conscious eater or either that you want to try eating cleanly for a meal! ;-)
i must say that this place is pretty good because the menu still offers a wide variety of different options ranging from all-day breakfast to sandwiches to main courses like pasta and pizza!
i decided on the kombu shiitake soup with udon while vanessa had dumpling soup with brown rice.
the price was rather pocket-friendly as there was no service-charge (or was it gst ahahaha i forgot) so we paid less than $10 each for what we ate :-)
my soup was pretty bland but i guess that's what you get for wanting to eat really healthily.
but the dumplings were really good and for something that does not contain meat i swear, the juice from the 10-over ingredients in the dumplings just makes it oooh-la-la!!!
and i am not even a fan of dumplings...
so go ahead and pop by real food if you'd like to dine out because this is really a healthier option!

LOLA'S CAFE



not my first time here but tuesday was my virgin try at its desserts and appetisers there with nigel and xiaohui!
ordered their iced mocha; nothing impressive but it was okay because i didn't like my coffee too strong and this one was pretty chocolate-y and bitter rather than aromatic.
so don't try this if you like your coffee thick and strong!!!
the honey wings we shared were so damn good i'm not even exaggerating, it was something unique that i've never tried before and they were pretty generous with the honey so yay!!! :)
the bangers & mash were cooked to perfection especially the potatoes because they were so fresh you could even taste the real potato bits in 'em!
tried the seasalt chocolate tart with coffee cream and yeah this was pretty good because the tart crust and the bitter chocolate went really well together. the cream wasn't too frothy and thick and gross so yay for that!
the lemon meringue tart was rather ordinary to me and i'm not exactly a sucker for those dried lemon peels on top hahaha. tasted pretty weird to me.

popped by again the next day during our 4.5h break to have brunch with jennee, vanessa and gina here!
pretty annoyed because we waited for an hour or so just to get our seats...
but it was rather amusing because we got to judge the people who were sitting outdoors hahaha. #meanshit

wanted to try the mushroom melt for a very long time already so i finally ordered this!!!

LOOK AT THE MUSHROOM, CHEESE AND BRIOCHE BREAD GOODNESS.
i swear the brioche bread is amazing and in fact amazing is an understatement.
the natural sweetness of the brioche accompanied by the salty mushroom and cheese made it so perfect.
the portion is pretty generous and it kept me full for really long and that i didn't even have dinner!
this is really a to-die-for must-try item on the menu and i will definitely return to order this again!!!!!
super super super lip-smacking that you can't get enough.
dreaming of the brioche now.....

BACKSTAGE CAFE



this has become my new favourite place after a long and hard hunt for this!!!
always wanted to try this because i've read really good reviews about it and yay the day finally came!
the menu laid out such a wide spread for us and we were all spoiled for choice.
i ordered the chicken burger thing (top right, can't remember the exact name) for $13 and it seriously exceeded my expectations.
anyway recently i don't know why but i keep ordering burgers though i don't like 'em and the fries but meh i think i'm starting to fall in love with burgers simply because of the bread. :P
so, with the mindset of i-just-want-to-eat-bread-so-i-will-just-buy-the-burger i did not expect that the chicken fillet inside was so tender and delicious!!!!
it was not like the kind of cheap, ground-up meat you'd usually get but i could taste the sweet sauces exploding from the careful marination of the meat!!!
shan't comment on the fries because all fries taste the same to me...
had dessert and tried their rainbow cake as well as the oreo cheesecake.
i really really enjoyed the oreo cheesecake omg it is too good beyond description.
however i feel that the rainbow cake was too dense, or should i say it's aesthetic appeal overran the texture of real sponge cake.
it was a tad too moist and tbh i think any amateur baker can bake a cake better than that.
but yeah, maybe that's what rainbow cakes are; pretty-looking but average-tasting.
definitely going to come back because the place is so peaceful and quiet and actually i didn't wanna write about this place because i secretly don't want it to become popular and lose its ambience ahahahahaha oops.

SETTLER'S CAFE



(okay the photo is inverted but who cares)
tried this on friday in place of shoebox canteen because it was unknowingly closed :(
was a little disappointed because i really wanted to try the shoebox canteen!
settled (ha ha ha) with this alternative; settler's cafe and honestly i didn't regret it anymore ;)
the prices are mad-cheap and students get additional discounts!!!
we paid $25 for 3 people and this was including a main course, soup and drink each.
it's actually a gaming cafe with 600 over games to choose from but the games come at a different rate.
service was thumbs-up as the guy was really friendly and patient with us as we were placing our orders :)
the only setback here is that they don't have much desserts and if they served something like waffles or cakes or tarts i'm sure the sweet-tooth will come flocking in!
overall i really enjoyed this place as the food was really good (the mushroom soup is seriously heaven) and the service was really warm.
going to come back here again on monday!!!!
super good place to just chill-out and catch-up with your pals!

so that's about it for my cafe review.
moving on to the much-anticipated concert that i've been awaiting since mye's!!!

WE THE KINGS - THE ART OF TOUR



decided to buy tickets for the art of tour because i really loved their new album.
art of war never gets old, find you there is my happy pill, sad song is for the times when you are seriously feeling sad, say it now is my occasional need-to-listen-to song and etc.
glad that i managed to here those songs live along with any other way and i like it ;)
they played classics like check yes juliet and skyway avenue too omg :)))
but personally i felt that my $88 was not as well-spent as i thought it would be.
firstly, too much of the singing was left to the crowd.
not a personal attack to the band or anything but, honestly they could do with so much more of their powerhouse vocals rather than leaving it to the audience to spoil by singing it off-pitch.
seriously they have super good voices live but the frequent pauses and amplification of the audience's mesmerized chanting was just too much.
i swear check yes juliet, half the singing was done by the crowd and it was pretty much a big bummer.
really annoying as heck too because the crowd was a piece of rowdy shit.
the people were generally of a younger age group than ours and some were rude as shit and shouted like a bitch at the people around.
oh hell no this is a concert it is so not normal for the pushing to happen -_-
i swear i wanted so much to slap some of these people...
furthermore i was just this close to witnessing a physical cat fight between a group of girls who were fighting over the drumstick that they threw.
yeah i know you are a diehard crazy fan and that i'm not, but seriously all that pushing and shouting was seriously uncalled for.
all your reputation has gone down the drain, girl.

secondly, the acoustics were LEGIT SHIT.
the venue was quite crappy (it was at the coliseum) and also i think because the sound crew screwed up a lot.
so much for trying to fine-tune the drums and guitars but honestly it was quite pissing because the drums and bass were way too heavy.
it completely drowned out the vocals and the videos i recorded, you can't even hear travis singing.
i know you shouldn''t record videos as it'll spoil the mood but seriously, you can't even hear travis' voice live.
all you can hear is the overweighted pounding of the drums which seriously gave me a headache.
sighpie.
maybe because i've been to simple plan's concert (which was bloody bloody good) that's why i've raised the bar for my expectations this concert.
oh well.

nonetheless i do not mean any offence but honestly if the acoustics were better balanced the concert would have been perfect.
not depriving we the kings of their amazing talent live, but really, everything dampened all thanks to the poor sound management.
but i still had a good time anyway, and thank you we the kings for being here in singapore to deliver the best concert that you could have :-)

"without you i feel broke, like i'm half of a whole.

without you, i've got no hand to hold.

without you i feel torn, like a sail in a storm.

without you, i'm just a sad song."

xoxo

count your blessings

it's been so long since i've been here.
amidst the downs of life it is only human to say thank you and be grateful for the little things and the great people who have been there for you throughout.
it might not be anything big but yes it's always these things that matter the most :-)

1) gold for gef 2014

we are so so so blessed :')
no amount of thanks can i put into this because our hard work as individuals and a group have really paid off.
seeing the section practise so hard and coming to where they are today really makes me feel so heartened and growing together as one really made me feel like the hard work for the ensemble is worth it.
especially everytime i think of my section i feel like a proud mom lol.
weird, long-overdue feels but yeah.
exco deserves all the love and appreciation too, for all the effort that they've put in to make gef a success.
our student conductors nigel & jasley deserve great recognition too :-)
and rouz for getting by all sorts of weird happenings during practices (i.e.: STANDards, playing wrong notes etc.) with me :)

^ this is to date my favourite exco photo *inserts hearts for all of you*

thanks guys i love y'all so so so so much :)

it's that same feeling how i know i will always have my excofam behind me whenever i am feeling disheartened.

it's the constant reassurance that i get from you guys that really keep me going in jc despite all the shit that i'm facing (mainly academics).

thank you guys i really appreciate it a lot :')

2) the pl-sr morning gatherings

it may not be big, but thank you guys for starting my mornings right.

it feels weird not to gather with y'all, it's like as though you guys are the last bit of my memories of secondary school.

life really sucks but then again you always know that the fond reminiscence of the past will always ignite that little warmth in your heart to fuel you to get through the daily motions of mundaneness.

i hope these little morning meet-ups mean quite a lot to you guys too - especially since we still celebrate each others birthdays and (used to) fight for our morning bench but failing so we ended up getting displaced eh.

3) my family

i really have the best family one could ever ask for.

i have really understanding parents and an intelligent and talented younger sister.

they are the ones who keep me going at times when my school life gets tough.

the encouragements don't cease despite doing so badly for common tests.

thanks mom and dad, though i might not say it but i really am very thankful for you all.

i know i can be temperamental and snappy and that at times i don't say much but really, nothing can replace family in this world because your love for me goes way beyond the mere superficial needs.

it's sad how our car rides and dinner tables have turned a lot quieter (especially because i'm in this growing up phase), but please know that i am not any less than thankful for you both and jan. :-)

you both are really the role models of my life and seeing you all work so hard for the family and grandparents only deepens my respect for you.

thanks mom and dad you are the best :')

and then there's my grandparents who've taught me so much this month.

first, the value of life.

seeing my grandpa struggle to battle multiple illnesses for a whole month but yet conquered and is now on the road to speedy recovery makes me cherish them even more.

seeing my parents rush over to the hospital day in day out to visit him and yet i could only visit once a week and merely ask them everyday "how's grandpa?".

seeing my grandpa on a sunday afternoon barely able to open his eyes with all the tubes wired around him and being in no position to read the get-well card i wrote for him.

all these little heart-wrenching moments over this past month has really taught me to cherish life, and my grandparents too.

they're not young anymore, and i ought to show my appreciation while i can :-)

so so so so thankful that grandpa is well on his way to recovering!!!!

:')

second, love.

my grandma, immediately upon hearing that my grandpa was well enough to eat solid foods again, cooked up a simple yet lovely meal for him and brought it to the hospital.

and how she would make him finish the food even though he claimed he was "full" and had to feed him the remaining mouthfuls.

they might bicker on a daily basis and there's always this "aggressive" scoldings my grandma gives but then again you know that's love.

nothing big, but so beautiful and priceless :')

4) my playlist

music is really food for the soul.

i love listening to music all day every day.

so grateful for the latest/mentionable additions to my baby: sweater weather, come back home, charlie brown, treasure, find you there, art of war, demons, learning to fall.

thanks for keeping me going especially when i'm faced with giants like freaking organic chemistry or like bloody foreign exchange rates that don't make much sense to me at all.

5) pw results

not that i was very happy with my pw results or anything like that.

but i am quite thankful that it happened because it taught me that sometimes in life hard work just doesn't pay off.

you might be the slackest ass in the world but yet something good to you happens.

and vice versa.

meh i'm not that affected anymore but i would just like to say that life is seriously unfair????!!!!!

and we just have to accept it.

screw it, screw those that didn't deserve it.

what matters the most is you know you did your best and don't despair because this is obviously not the end :-)

being able to meet maria for that short 30mins or so really lifted my spirits nonetheless.

but then again it just rekindles a sadness in me that i didn't cherish the times when she was still in school enough.

hope life is doing you some good this year :)

will blog again soon if i can find the time.

countdown to myes: 26 days left

HOLY.

damn k bye.