well it all started because i encountered a couple (maybe they aren't romantically together but nonetheless) today at the bistro while working.
they were a normal couple who popped by the place for a drinking session, and were in high spirits in the early evening.
they were a normal couple who popped by the place for a drinking session, and were in high spirits in the early evening.
even all the way as the day came to a close, the amount of beer they ordered was proportional to their level of happiness.
they seemed really engaged with each other's conversations and treated me really politely too. (hehe thank you i appreciate customers like that)
however when midnight fell, they suddenly got into a heated argument and raised voices at each other every so often.
i don't know what they were bickering over but i only knew that what i witnessed was something so drastic - a happy day that ended off on an ugly note.
but the catch is that the guy at the table was pretty calm and collected and he kept quiet most of the time.
while i was wiping the cutlery dry, i thought to myself - love is burdensome.
i definitely do agree that women are unpredictable creatures, like we have sporadic temperaments that explode unexpectedly.
even we can't predict when our inner bomb would explode. (at least for me)
so what does love encompass? finding the other half who will appease you is definitely not easy.
i'm quite curious as to how sparks fly between two individuals honestly.
is there an unexplained scientific theory that i'm unaware of?
even i find my own temper unbearable, what more a guy out there who will tolerate all my tantrums?!
as my friends all know i've always wanted to marry but not have kids.
putting the point of having children aside, staying single was primarily my greatest fear that i ever so feared would happen to me when i grow older.
i didn't want to be left on the shelf (as they always say), and find someone whom i could entrust my life to.
but then now i feel like getting married is something i would fear completely now.
maybe not completely, but you get the idea that the tables have turned for me.
a girl who was once engulfed by the fear or singlehood is now secretly wishing that she wouldn't get married in the future.
i don't know, i think i've built so many barriers around myself that it's hard to get to really know me and who i am.
through my constant introspection on an almost daily basis, i notice how i don't click with guys that easily.
i notice how i can barely sustain a conversation for more than 2 minutes with a guy.
i notice how i always keep to myself whenever i'm thrown into a place full of guys.
is the girls' school upbringing getting into me too much?
i don't know.
somehow i recently just don't like the idea of being tied down by someone, and the thought of marriage somehow scares me because i am forced (or should i say because of chemistry) to leave my life in the hands of another human being whom i have... not exactly known all my life.
how do sparks fly so instantly when two people of mutual affection meet????
this is something i would not understand.
call me young and raw, but honestly love is something that i will never get to understand unless i experience it myself (which i have semi-given up on my hopeless love life and decide to be a fatty couch potato who is single for life)
somebody please enlighten me, how do you know you love someone?
is it when you are exceptionally nice to him? but i treat all my guy friends around me the same as how i treat my girl friends. (gender equality advocate here yo)
some people have told me that because i am this nice to the people in my social circle that guys may often misinterpret my actions as a subtle romantic interest.
but well... that's just how i am.
i just feel a subconscious need to treat everyone around me wholeheartedly.
if i give a 100% to a friend i will do the same to the others too.
so when i say i mail out letters to my guy friends for my pre-enlistment i do it for ALL my (closer) guy friends.
hahahaha love is so complicated it's funny.
definitely something i won't understand lol.
but for now - the only form of love i know is:
YES YOU R MY QTPIE FOREVER HOHOHO 3 MORE DAYS BEFORE I GET TO STEP INTO YOUR HOMELAND OH YEAH BB
^ my jam for the day hehe enjoy
^ my jam for the day hehe enjoy
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