5 things i am thankful for (being) in sr

no, just to clarify, i am not doing this in conjunction with sr's 25th anniversary.
and no i was also not bribed by the school to do anything like that (ha ha ha oops).
but because i am on a writing streak after finishing a thousand-and-three-hundred word essay on media bias (which i have covered much ground for research and read about how bloggers are "amateurish" for their spelling and grammatical mistakes, wow thanks i choose to think otherwise though) and talking to sheryl (after ages) about her life in ny just made me feel compelled to post something here.
not the most apt time i know, considering that i have a math test tomorrow, but i feel this pressing need to update this online space of mine which i know i will have to bid temporary farewell to soon.

sometimes we moan, or at least i moan, about life in sr.
yes to be honest, we are not the coolest school with the smartest policies around, and neither are we a school with much to brag about maybe with the exception of some of our niche sport ccas.
sr is a commonplace, neighbourhood school that you might expect nothing from.
before you entered, you felt a sense of condemnation towards everything about the school.
i'd constantly berate myself for "doing badly" in o levels, i'd incessantly whine about the "bad decision" i've made coming to sr, i'd relentlessly moan about how "lousy" the school is, basically.
that was me before i entered the school, and even when i am still schooling here right now.
i would not deny the fact that i still have a whole list of disparaging complaints towards the school culture, but i've decided to set that aside for another time and focus on the positive of being in sr.
i can't say that my regret coming here has disappeared altogether, but i can say that it has faded slightly and at least that's a good thing?
i rather i be objective and emotionless towards the school than to be a completely lifeless and desiccated soul that never seems to run out of dissatisfaction.
anyway, back to the point, it seems like i have relatively "enjoyed" (there is an obvious risk with such pronouncements so i shall put them in inverted commas) my almost-2 years in srjc and yeah so here are just 5 things i am thankful for in sr. :-)
i am not going to go all "omg thank you sr i love you muacks muacks so grateful for you", but i just somehow found the good in all the bad that i used to perceive and maybe after all my life isn't that bad.

1) the fact that i learnt to be thankful myself
sounds like inception huh?
to be honest, coming to sr was a very refreshing experience and a pleasant eye-opener.
well i wouldn't say it has been entirely a bed of roses, but it really opened up my eyes to the people around me, that i was once living in the sheltered walls of pl where i never got to experience these first-hand.
so many ordinary people are living their lives so well you don't even notice they come from dysfunctional families and whatnot.
i don't know if it's good acting or just plain ignorance but honestly i learnt never to judge a book by it's cover too.
seeing the people around me struggle to cope with jc life, or even just grappling to survive makes me realise how thankful i am to come from a blessed family.
in the past all i'd see were rich girls who had the world and nothing to worry about.
now what i see are superficially happy people who seem to be getting by with life pretty well, but deep inside you know they are struggling.
and all you can do is watch.
i guess the least i can do is to really, be thankful for everything that i am blessed with everything.
my life might not be perfect but it's great!

2) the friends i have made 
this is going to sound so cliche but honestly i am thankful for the friends that i have made in sr.
i might not have the most friends or a relatively wider social circle like i did back in secondary school, but i guess coming to sr/jc has taught me the value of independence.
the meaning to "having few but true friends" suddenly becomes reality.
though we've only known one another for 1 or 2 years, i am still grateful for the people that i have interacted with so far.
1sr20, 2sr19, the guitarists, srgce friends and even some hi-bye friends i have made along the way.
i think people really play an important role in our school life right now because they will be the solace of comfort, the source of strength and joy, the reason to keep going.

3) the teachers
this is going to sound even more cliche but the teachers in sr (majority) are really worthy of my gratitude.
one thing i know for sure is that the culture of care in sr is real when it comes to the teachers.
seeing them work so hard for us j2s makes me feel like they are more uptight about us taking the exams than we are.
you can see the effort that they've put in to the revision lectures and tutorials, and all the consultations, star lessons and night study sessions and basically everything in the curriculum.
thank you for being the one to give me direction when i myself feel at a loss and don't know what to do, teachers.
i might not show it but yes honestly, thank you.

4) my firsts
i sound like a baby but, sr was honestly, the first time i made guy friends (like legit friends that talked), the first time i had an eye candy, the first time i actually felt self-conscious (because guys), the first time i reached home at 11pm, the first time i felt like i was GENUINELY going to die of fatigue (because i only had 3 hours of sleep once), the first time i actually learnt to let go (of my studies), the first time i understand how eyebags feel like, the first time i actually started running on my own accord, the first time i understand how it feels to put on weight (SUCKS), the first time i danced with a guy (college dance ahahahahahaha not some fancy clubbing), the first time i ran a 10km marathon, the first time i yolo-ed etc etc.
the list goes on, but these are the (first) memories i will never forget. :')

5) srjc all for you
yeah getting the u's in your result slip doesn't really seem to matter much anymore.
getting a u grade here is pretty much the norm and i guess it has taught me something - that failure isn't everything.
i've failed countless of times that i've become immune to it already.
i guess this is a good thing because it really teaches me to be resilient and not to give up easily.
used to be so, so, so afraid of failure in pl but now i guess i've grown quite a bit in sr.
so yup let's turn the u's into a's and b's soon!!!!


ok gotta go sleep now
12.40am already and i gotta last till 10pm tmrw for tuition.
cya

busy

so i've been busy recently

clearing my sleep debt
taking one/two-hour naps
sleeping before midnight (wow)
basically just sleeping a lot

i feel so complete and so much better now
to hell with headaches and feverish chills

sleep
is
good

life

i don't even know what to title this post... hence life.

it's been a pretty long while ago since i've last blogged - i don't even know what to blog about now.

i don't know if i'm actually losing touch with this medium of writing especially since there are few surviving blogs of teens today...

i hope i don't ever give this up because i find a certain accomplishment and joy in writing about my life.

well it seems rather self-centered doesn't it.

but i guess i do have SOME readers, both expected and unexpected, so well, thank you for popping by my little blog of nothingness!!!

appreciate the few but significant readers i get, though i won't get to find out who you are unless you tell me personally... :-)

so yeah thank you!

anyway here are just 5 random facts about the happenings in my life right now.

i think i should do this more often since i won't be finding the time to blog in the near future (thank a levels).

this was actually inspired by a blog that i've been keeping up with since secondary school.

though you will never know who you are, but i actually really admire the way your life turns out and how honestly you put it into words.

you are one amazing blogger!

1) recently been going on an online retail therapy session.... my dad's been introducing me to cheap stuff online. i mean it's not that i'm being a cheapskate or what but somehow or rather i enjoy being thrifty (especially with my dad) because i know money isn't easy to come by and if we can save, we will save together. so my recent purchases were a rucksack at $14, two pullovers both less than $10 each and a giraffe phone cover (which was obviously inspired by kwangsoo) for $3... cheap would be an understatement. i kinda really like online shopping but the cons is that it is ABSOLUTELY time-consuming because you browse like there is no tomorrow and that there's no refund if the sizes don't fit. learnt my lesson from previous experiences of online purchases and i vowed never to buy a piece of clothing online anymore.

2) my mid-year results are worrying but not worrying. i don't even know how to put my results across here and how i ought to feel about them. true that i've made some improvement since the common tests but i'm still below average in the cohort. i've been working hard, or at least trying my best, but somehow deep inside i feel that i am working hard emptily. like i'm studying for the sake of studying while getting nowhere and everything i'm trying to internalise coming to naught. jc has really made studying a farce for me. how nasty.

3) been listening to a lot of (korean) music recently. i don't know why but i've been DYING to find songs that i fall in love upon my first listen or either that just something new that is kpop. getting pretty sick with my current playlist but i'm glad i found more new music of related genres through shazam!!!! so thankful for technology these days i don't even know what i'd do without 'em. so to those who enjoy pop/rock and a little bit of alternative, here's my recent additions to the music library:

air balloon by lily allen - this one's for those who like a little pop and upbeat to their songs but if you are totally against artificially overtuned vocals maybe it'll be a nay. give it a try though since i'm an anti-female-artiste but still like it anyway!!!! it's a bit like kesha + katy perry...

rhythm of love by plain white t's - for those who really like acoustic guitar accompaniments. this is the one song for relaxation. put this song on play and close your eyes; imagine yourself on a sandy beach with blue skies. it's the perfect summer song! classic plain white t's genre!

parallel by heffron drive - it's a pretty fantasy-like song but i love the accompaniment!!! the duo's vocals are really good and i love the pre-chorus 'cos his voice is like whoa-oh!!!!! on fire!!!! okay i sound overly excited but yeah the lyrics are quite sweet so do give it a listen!

how to save a life by the fray - yeah this is an old song, but recently found it through shazam and finally knew how this song sounded like. only heard of the song title before but not the song - and i now know why it is so damn amazing. super the-fray-ish but that's what you gotta love them for; their perfect blend of piano and emotional vocals. thumbs up x1000 for this please go and listen to this!!!!

jamie all over by mayday parade - heard this song at cotton on in tampines one on a day out with my family. it is a really good song!!!!!! (probably not a coincidence that the song title has my name) the chorus is really catchy and mainstream though hahaha the lyrics are everywhere on tumblr if i'm not wrong... seen 'em around a lot. irony is that there is no mention of the name jamie in the song anyway hahaha. mayday parade is just mayday parade and similar artistes: we the kings plus a bit of all time low!!

(below onwards: korean)

peter pan by exo -  this is the best korean song i have ever listened to (yes it has overtaken dbsk's balloons and picture of you) thanks wanrou hahahaha. the upbeat electric guitar really gives the song a fairytale edge to it. love this so much it's 2nd most played in my itunes!!!! (first is art of war) i think love would be an understatement. don't even know when i'd grow tired of this song.

busan vacance by haha and skull - i don't know if this song was actually written in aim of promoting korean tourism or something but it has kinda worked its potential charm.... the song's rhythm is so catchy and cute + the music video of korea's landscape just makes you want to visit the place even more!!!! i can't wait to fly to the land of kimchi after a's if time/parents/money permit!!!!!!! so damn excited i cannot even contain.

4) my attachment/addiction to running man has returned recently. been watching at least 1 at most 2 episodes in my free time during the june holidays and though week 2 of school is over i think i am barely getting over my daily dose of running man.... it really kinda sucks that i still am unable to catch up with the most recent episodes because that's where the hype is but it's okay i can always speed-watch after a's!!!!!! on a side note that has been repeated countless times i seriously cannot wait for a's to end.

5) kinda gave up this entire dieting/weight loss plan though i am still conscious of what i eat. it is so hard to focus on shedding all that extra pounds i gained from coming to jc and i guess i'll leave all that hardcore cardio and healthy dieting to post-a's... during the june holidays i actually picked up a 28-day pilates challenge which i stuck to until day 20 or so because it was hurting my back and every single joint in my body. i tried running 2/3x a week to burn the fat and i guess i really felt the difference upon returning to school. my lower stomach is still as fat fml, but i can feel my skirt and berms getting looser. think i have an easily bloated tummy or either that a very weak stomach and it is rare for days that i actually feel comfortable in my school bottoms. kinda sucks to be me because i've got the weirdest body shape ever but whatever. i shall worry about that after a's. plenty of time then.

sorry that my 5 things ended up to become some 500 word essay about my life.

gotta stop being so naggy and get straight to the point though sometimes i feel details are really important.

so it is the 12th of july and we are almost 3 months away from the a level exams.

this sickening piece of shit is really sucking me dry of my life.

i don't know why but i feel like we are all slaves of a revolution that is bound to wipe us all out.

i cannot even put my lack of life into words.

we're all so devoid of passion and honesty, we've all been sucked up into this black hole of competitive academics and this big monster also known as the a levels.

it's quite sad rather, to see the people around me conceding defeat to the clutches of this monstrous national exam.

a levels is really a monster; i can't help but feel that its immensity is weighing everyone around me down and crushing their fragile beings.

physically, mentally and psychologically, i feel that we're all losing this battle, one by one.

seeing the people around me fall ill, being hit by one of the worst psychological warfares, staging an unnecessary war with this thing called stress, everything.

i admit that i myself am so tired that sometimes i really feel like giving up too.

but no i gotta press on, for the sake of the people who love me and care about me.

anyway i am not having it the worst, i know it.

i know.

the most i can do and will do for the people around me is to keep up optimism, because i believe that if you keep hope alive it will keep you alive.

don't lose faith or sight in anything that might seem bleak up ahead.

instead, always believe in yourself and that is already half the battle won.

can't promise that i'll be here 24/7 but my blog will always be here for comfort.

i hope this post of advice and my previous posts of heartfelt emotions will serve as a good respite from reality and an antidote to current problems.

till then,

xxxx

see y'all soon!