count your blessings

it's been so long since i've been here.
amidst the downs of life it is only human to say thank you and be grateful for the little things and the great people who have been there for you throughout.
it might not be anything big but yes it's always these things that matter the most :-)

1) gold for gef 2014

we are so so so blessed :')
no amount of thanks can i put into this because our hard work as individuals and a group have really paid off.
seeing the section practise so hard and coming to where they are today really makes me feel so heartened and growing together as one really made me feel like the hard work for the ensemble is worth it.
especially everytime i think of my section i feel like a proud mom lol.
weird, long-overdue feels but yeah.
exco deserves all the love and appreciation too, for all the effort that they've put in to make gef a success.
our student conductors nigel & jasley deserve great recognition too :-)
and rouz for getting by all sorts of weird happenings during practices (i.e.: STANDards, playing wrong notes etc.) with me :)

^ this is to date my favourite exco photo *inserts hearts for all of you*

thanks guys i love y'all so so so so much :)

it's that same feeling how i know i will always have my excofam behind me whenever i am feeling disheartened.

it's the constant reassurance that i get from you guys that really keep me going in jc despite all the shit that i'm facing (mainly academics).

thank you guys i really appreciate it a lot :')

2) the pl-sr morning gatherings

it may not be big, but thank you guys for starting my mornings right.

it feels weird not to gather with y'all, it's like as though you guys are the last bit of my memories of secondary school.

life really sucks but then again you always know that the fond reminiscence of the past will always ignite that little warmth in your heart to fuel you to get through the daily motions of mundaneness.

i hope these little morning meet-ups mean quite a lot to you guys too - especially since we still celebrate each others birthdays and (used to) fight for our morning bench but failing so we ended up getting displaced eh.

3) my family

i really have the best family one could ever ask for.

i have really understanding parents and an intelligent and talented younger sister.

they are the ones who keep me going at times when my school life gets tough.

the encouragements don't cease despite doing so badly for common tests.

thanks mom and dad, though i might not say it but i really am very thankful for you all.

i know i can be temperamental and snappy and that at times i don't say much but really, nothing can replace family in this world because your love for me goes way beyond the mere superficial needs.

it's sad how our car rides and dinner tables have turned a lot quieter (especially because i'm in this growing up phase), but please know that i am not any less than thankful for you both and jan. :-)

you both are really the role models of my life and seeing you all work so hard for the family and grandparents only deepens my respect for you.

thanks mom and dad you are the best :')

and then there's my grandparents who've taught me so much this month.

first, the value of life.

seeing my grandpa struggle to battle multiple illnesses for a whole month but yet conquered and is now on the road to speedy recovery makes me cherish them even more.

seeing my parents rush over to the hospital day in day out to visit him and yet i could only visit once a week and merely ask them everyday "how's grandpa?".

seeing my grandpa on a sunday afternoon barely able to open his eyes with all the tubes wired around him and being in no position to read the get-well card i wrote for him.

all these little heart-wrenching moments over this past month has really taught me to cherish life, and my grandparents too.

they're not young anymore, and i ought to show my appreciation while i can :-)

so so so so thankful that grandpa is well on his way to recovering!!!!

:')

second, love.

my grandma, immediately upon hearing that my grandpa was well enough to eat solid foods again, cooked up a simple yet lovely meal for him and brought it to the hospital.

and how she would make him finish the food even though he claimed he was "full" and had to feed him the remaining mouthfuls.

they might bicker on a daily basis and there's always this "aggressive" scoldings my grandma gives but then again you know that's love.

nothing big, but so beautiful and priceless :')

4) my playlist

music is really food for the soul.

i love listening to music all day every day.

so grateful for the latest/mentionable additions to my baby: sweater weather, come back home, charlie brown, treasure, find you there, art of war, demons, learning to fall.

thanks for keeping me going especially when i'm faced with giants like freaking organic chemistry or like bloody foreign exchange rates that don't make much sense to me at all.

5) pw results

not that i was very happy with my pw results or anything like that.

but i am quite thankful that it happened because it taught me that sometimes in life hard work just doesn't pay off.

you might be the slackest ass in the world but yet something good to you happens.

and vice versa.

meh i'm not that affected anymore but i would just like to say that life is seriously unfair????!!!!!

and we just have to accept it.

screw it, screw those that didn't deserve it.

what matters the most is you know you did your best and don't despair because this is obviously not the end :-)

being able to meet maria for that short 30mins or so really lifted my spirits nonetheless.

but then again it just rekindles a sadness in me that i didn't cherish the times when she was still in school enough.

hope life is doing you some good this year :)

will blog again soon if i can find the time.

countdown to myes: 26 days left

HOLY.

damn k bye.

holidays are ending

i can't believe that this one-week break is coming to an end already.

it's ridiculous - the amount of work we are given to do.
how do you expect us to revise???
screw it, screw cts.
i can barely finish my holiday homework oh bummer.
on a side note i just broke a personal record this holidays.
i watched 3 movies over a span of 6 days.... and i usually watch 3 movies a year.
wowww.
sometimes i amaze myself.

watched the first 2 in cinemas with the excofam and yes they were good!!!

mr. peabody and sherman was my first 3d movie ever.

totally didn't regret it omg, the animations really came to life hehe.

non-stop was probably the first thriller in my life and i guess that's why it got me slumped all the way into my seat.

i was so frightened at what was going to happen next i could barely breathe.

i just kept squealing away and hiding under my hoodie.

i guess cartoons are still more suitable genres for me.

and werewolf boy on oovoo with the exco.

cried like a baby after the last scene.

honestly i didn't think the plot was good, but it was just the last seen that had this long-lasting impact on my emotions.

ouch.

the thought of it is really heart-wrenching.

on a side note they all saw me weep like there was no tomorrow.

as described i was hugging my pillow with a persistent frown and a literally lopsided smile with tears rolling down my face.

:(

sigh #congratsonyourface already.

maybe, just maybe, i'm starting to like watching movies. :)

^ kwangsoo is so damn adorbz omg too cute

orientation blues

 

i. really. miss. orientation.

:'(

insert a million sad faces here.

and the exco.

yeah, it's great how we're close, and i love that, but i think it's kind of a bad thing that i'm so attached to them.

it's the same thing happening again.

i find it hard to detach myself from these people and then after that a whole series of "misery coupled with a little sadness and anger" follows suit.

oh well.

brace yourself for the days, weeks and months ahead jamie.

we are nowhere near a's.

focus on studies, focus!!! 

think about your dream course in uni girl.

you can do it. :-)

the rest can wait till post-a's!

先苦后甜

suffer now, enjoy later

sick sick sick sick

so guess what guys?

i'm sick.

and this time it's for real.

i'm down with tonsillitis and i swear it does not feel good at all.

swallowing every drop of saliva hurts the crap out of my throat, the left side of my neck is so tender and painful, my persistent headaches that just won't go away after weeks, the occasional giddy spells that i get from moving about too much or laughing too hard, the crazy sporadic abnormal chills i get when i step into air-conditioned places, the fever that i've been running for days that is there but doesn't feel like it is...

argh.

all this must have accumulated from my cough that started in nepal and until now; i've never fully recovered.

that's it.

time to rest well for the next 1 or 2 days and come back in full physical strength (well that's the least i can do because i'm not well-prepared academically at all) for next week's common tests!

random thoughts

(not of much relevance but this photo is so pretty!!!!)

feeling socially, emotionally, and physically empty right now.

so thankful that i don't need to attend school tomorrow, really in need of a desperate break from all the hubbub of school life.

i know that i shouldn't be missing school, but i cannot watch myself fail an exam worth $400.

i will try my best to pass by practising tomorrow morning though deep down i know last-minute work doesn't really help but at least i tried...

anyway.

back to the point.

suddenly my life feels really different in year 2.

i don't think it is because i haven't adapted well to my new surroundings and people, but more of because i have detached myself from most social circles.

i used to believe that it was always good that you were surrounded by company all the time.

it's like you know that there'll always be this group of people who will have your back everytime you fall.

it's like that comforting feeling of solace when you feel socially included.

it's like those moments of heartfelt talks and spoken feelings all spill out because that is just the joy of sharing.

but then now things have changed, or well at least, i have changed.

i would no longer like to believe that being surrounded by people is an ideal situation.

over the course of my college life, my priorities have shifted away from being that someone who was "everyone's friend" to just an ordinary girl.

i used to love socializing, but now i hate it.

i used to love making new friends, but now i hate it. (or rather because i'm bad at it)

i used to love being the "people-person", but now i hate it.

sometimes when they say that when you let more people into your life you are merely inviting in more trouble for yourself, which i can't help but think is true.

problems never exist, they're created by people themselves.

i've actually come to a point in life whereby i finally realize how tiring and dreary it is to actually be the one who tries and makes everyone feel comfortable, to be the one that was 'always there', to be the one who made everyone happy.

call me a selfish person, but i think i am not.

it's just this point in your life whereby you find yourself caught in the middle but now you've made the decision whether to turn left or right.

and i guess that what i've chosen is something that suits my personality.

well i am not the most outgoing person on earth and i lack initiative when it comes to social events.

i'm never the leader, i'm always the follower.

i'm never the active being, i'm always the passive one.

i guess this is really who i am, and i honestly am so tired of being there for everybody all the time.

i can't live up to societal expectations like that all the time, i mean, i'm only human too, right?

maybe i'm growing old and i'm losing all that enthusiasm that i once had, which is pretty sad because i think it came a little too early.

people are going to ask me "why so serious?", but i have an answer for them - circumstances.

it is the circumstances and the experiences that i have undergone that have changed my personality a whole lot i guess.

i mean, i would admit that i still stand firmly by my unwavering morals of being genuine and honest, but i guess the extrovert side of me has taken a step back.

seems like my extrovert and introvert have been fighting a damn war all my life and finally one of them is retreating.

i am really tired of going through the same old vicious cycles that have already been recurring since god-knows-when.

like they always say; fights make friendships stronger, and i always tell myself this:

(which makes a damn lot of sense)

but i can't help it, i have to admit i'm ridiculously tired everytime things go wrong.

i've had enough - and so i've decided for real that no more am i going to be overly attached to people.

in life you only have got yourself to depend on, and no one else.

the road may be tough, and people can walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.

so what's the point of having all the friends around you whom you know will leave you one day?

just stand strong, alone.

i can do it.

i must look like a horrible loser to everyone out there because i don't interact with others well anymore (for the simple reason that i don't like to be in the crowd).

oh well, solitude isn't that bad an idea either.

i like the peace and quiet i get though i feel strangely empty on the inside because i still long for someone i can click perfectly with.

where's my soulmate...

ah well, that's not my priority for now.

but sometimes i am so bloody insecure i can't even.

it takes SO MUCH for me to open up right now.

on a side note i really miss being a kid.

i can't believe i am turning legal this year.

18. the big eighteen. seriously?!

so i am almost two decades old and seriously, growing up is incredibly scary.

deep down i actually feel really sad how my time spent with the family is really minimal.

and that everytime i reach home at least one family member of mine is asleep.

growing up... life becomes so hectic you don't even have time for the ones around you.

i missed how i would always spend time at home during the weekends playing board games/going downstairs to the playground/swim/have a simple meal and shop with my family.

kids have all the time in the world and yet they don't know how blessed they are with time.

i guess time is the greatest gift of any age.

with more time i could do so much more - spend time with my family, my friends, sleep, study and just, yeah, accomplish so much more.

i think it's a sad truth that we all have to bring ourselves to accept as we move along with life.

we're spending so much more time with friends rather than family because we take the latter for granted, for we know that they will be there for us all the time.

so we procrastinate, we just shrug off the idea of how important family is to us, and neglect them.

but yet they are the ones who have done everything for you.

oh the irony of it all.

sigh all this blogging and emotional duress is weighing me down literally; having a headache after typing that all.

guess i'll end here and head to sleep.

i made a promise this month that i would turn in before midnight everyday.

and i am trying my best :-)

amidst all the struggles i am facing/will face, i will tell myself to press on because they will only make me wiser and stronger :)

sometimes i really love the positive vibes i get off tumblr

in a mess

i don't even know where to begin blogging.

sorry that i haven't blogged for the past month, really just couldn't find a time to sit down and chill with my laptop.

to say that so much has happened over the past month would be an understatement.

i feel like i just exhausted 10 years of my life because school has been way too tiring i'm barely coping.

it's only been 2 months of school (ok wait for a second i thought it was still january) and i feel like i am on a treadmill working out...

not that i am physically drained but school is so packed i can't even.

i guess the worst part of these 2 months of school is that i am losing focus.

i can barely keep awake for the full hour of any lecture or tutorial i don't even know why.

every lesson i will nod off without fail.

seriously i don't know what is up with me, i just can't pull myself back to reality and the fact that i am already in year 2 is scaring the daylights out of me.

i can't even imagine what is going to happen to me if i continue nodding off.

in year 1 i've already learnt that i should not let things snowball, because in the end i'll be the one suffering.

and it's going to be painful.

but somehow i just can't bring myself to concentrate in class.

all the more that this is my a's year i should be fully awake, but i really really really can't help it.

even people are telling me that all i am either doing in class is "eating sweets (to keep awake)" or "nodding off".

and this is bad.

i've never been this tired before.

i know it is typical of every student to feel like a zombie during lectures and tutorials, and that when it comes to break they're like damn awake.

but in my case it's really bad.

i am obviously absorbing nothing from lectures and tutorials because i am struggling so hard to keep awake. so, so hard.

sometimes i wonder if it is because of the fact that i've been sick and coughing for the past 3 months that's why it is taking a toll on my body now.

my voice is still deep and manly btw hahaha thanks to orientation and all that screaming and cheering.

so i finally resigned to my fate of seeing the doctor tomorrow after sr picnic.

i think this will be my first step to getting back on track with my studies. :)

and hopefully it'll work out well.

with a little discipline and self-control i will do this.

somebody please motivate me :(

anyway tomorrow is our last day of orientation and honestly i'm sooooo sad it's going to be over!!!
5 days of enthusiasm, fun and laughter have passed way too quickly.

would love to have extended orientation but no, the opportunity cost incurred is going to be way too huge i cannot pay for it.

anyway on a side note, i think coming to jc has made me realise much.

everyone here is so caught up with their own issues they barely have time for you.

yeah they say that you come to jc to mug, but honestly, that's quite sad.

even i myself have a load of shit to deal with, i admit i barely have time for the people around me.

my friends and especially my family.

i'm sorry if i've neglected anyone of you all, just give me time to adapt and cope with this stress.

i am terrible at socializing maybe because i have relatively low self-esteem or that i am a natural introvert.

sometimes i really wonder what is with me.

i used to value friendships a lot but now i guess it has taken a backseat.

to be honest now i am confused about my own priorities.

just what exactly is most important to me now?

studies? no, i can't even focus in class and i am doing rly badly for all my pop quizzes lololol because i just don't have the heart to study.

rest? no, i can't even find the time to finish my tutorials and it is worrying to know that i have so much to catch up with because of orientation... how am i going to make up for that 5 hours of bio omg.

argh i don't know.

friends? no. tbh in jc i feel like i am the most unfriendly person on earth. i think i make a really bad ogl/cgl because i'm just so bad at striking conversations or just dancing or just making friends.

sorry if i don't possess the outward qualities a ogl/cgl/friend should, but deep down i really mean nothing but good.

please don't ever doubt me or anything i do because it's done with good intentions.

i'm sorry i can't be perfect or just a little bit friendly because somehow i can't help but think everyone hates me.

#selfesteemissues

i don't even have the mood to do anything now - and i obviously can't get to sleep with all these thoughts bugging me at this hour.

when will i ever sort my life out again?

maybe all i need is a good day off to settle down from all this hustle and bustle and that is life.

time to get some sleep tonight for the final of day of orientation tomorrow!

so excited yet sad that it's all coming to an end.

kudos to everyone for their hard work the past 5 days and the council for all the planning too :-)

#lovesrjc25

yes i can do this.

i will do this.

because music always keeps the soul alive.

thank you simple plan.

exco yolo (part 2)

cycling part 1

so i practically spent 99.9% of my holidays with the beloved exco hahaha!
we met up to cycle 2 tuesdays ago and here's how it went.

started the day off with lunch at the marine parade market and then we walked to ecp to cycle :-)
i guess the highlight of the day was probably how our supposedly planned leisure cycling turned out to be a complete cardio workout :P
we cycled from area's c bike shop all the way to changi beach? yeah somewhere there.
and apparently it was a whopping distance of at least 30km!!!
omg i can't even. #excoyolo
anyway thanks freda for biking me around 70% of the time :-)
i swear i have been so much of a burden (like literally because of my weight)...
but yeah nevertheless you still biked me around with no complaints at all :)
lovelove! ;)
and then the other 30% of the time it was nigel hahaha.
it was actually quite funny how nigel had to be "deep in concentration" everytime he was riding.
he seemed so lost in his own thought he nearly didn't see the oncoming bicycle oh my...
but yeah though the bike made a weird "clack" everytime we tried to find our balance but thanks for biking me around too nigel!!
and then the remaining 500m back to the bike shop with gary on the bike was as good as hell....
he kept on swerving violently left and right to scare me tsk omg...
just imagine my endless screams.
ahahahahaha gary you die.
anyway after biking we bus-ed down to the airport because david wanted to get his gary plushie hahaha.
lepak-ed at t3's cbtl and i bought mocha frapp again (better than heaven)...
walked around in the shops and played with this giant globe which we had decided our holiday destination as excofam.
picked out the most random location ever; hawaii.
HAHAHA let's go the beach-each-each guys.
kidding; it'll probably be too expensive and far...
anyway, played monopoly deal at the viewing gallery and xiaohui managed to catch the game...... a little slower than the rest.
hahahaha oops too funny.
so in order for david to buy his gary plushie at $3 we had to spend like $60 at the airport...
ate astons' for dinner to make up his expenses to $60 while he bought a $20 dinner voucher hahahaha.
and the moment when he got his plushie omg his face totally lit up...
like a small kid!
on the train ride back home it was the same situation too :P

that day's photos!

stopped by for ice-cream at a shop while waiting for xiaohui to catch up with us hahah!

yay for the red grape ice cream omg ultimate fave

while waiting still.... more photos :)

as they all started streaming in and catching up... :-)

AND YAY!

full group shot after everyone caught up :-)

this is what you do again while waiting for people to catch up hahahaha keep calm and take pictures.

it was damn shiok to actually be able to ride hands-free while holding on to a speaker to blast music :-)

thanks freda :*

after the 30km cycle we had lunch at burger king and omg wow all that cycling was in vain...

calorie intake x1000 hahaha oops.

but it's okay food doesn't matter; it's the company that does ;)

occasional study meet-ups inbetween

yup so we did meet up for 2 days in between to study at nlb!
productivity wasn't too bad but i had to leave early both days thanks to tuition ugh :/

these were taken at kinokuniya during our lunch break while slacking and looking at books hahaha.

tried to take an artsy-fartsy shot of me reading a book but no it failed 'cos 1) i didn't look studious enough and 2) i looked fat hahahaha.

cycling part 2

so we went back to ecp for a canopy biking competition exactly a week later on the eve of christmas because we signed up for it when we returned our bikes the other time.

went "early" to reccee the place hahaha ended up just sitting there and talking because we arrived way too "early".

we were the first to flag off for the competition and omg it was really funny.

so xiaohui, jasley, gary and i were on one canopy bike while wanrou, nigel, david and freda were on the other.

we had to split paths and find our respective numbers at the allocated areas, but apparently the organisation was quite screwed and they actually swapped a lot of the numbers.

cycled back and forth like some retard and we kept screaming and laughing LOL.

our bike was probably 10x slower than the others'.

while awaiting the results we played heads up and had a lot of fun hahaha!

the emcee had organised some games for us such as who has the... and guess the song.

pretty funny how everytime we sent out a representative we couldn't help but laugh at the crazy things they did.

like hearing freda attempt the highest-pitched scream (and won yay!), gary and wanrou attempting to hold the longest note, jasley and david for smallest eyes (is it?) and nigel and i for the biggest biceps but obviously the both of us automatically walked back to our seats upon hearing the criteria hahaha.

#goodmemories

later to our surprise we discovered we actually won 7th place and a hamper and free dinner!!!!

considering our super delayed timing, we were seriously damn taken aback hahaha!
our other team of 4 won 2nd prize and got a bike and free dinner!

omg the bike's worth like $500?

time to sell for some kaching-kaching!

had a buffet spread for dinner and omg it was probably one of our quietest times together LOL i guess we were all too hungry to speak.

had some song dedication thing and we requested for tonghua and some kpop thing that got wanrou and nigel totally crazy hahahaha.

walked back and forth for at least 1.5hours finding a bike shop thereafter to sell off the bike for $.

but one of them said our bike was only worth "$50".

seriously dude, who you tryna' kid.

but after what seems like forever we also found out that our bike would probably be worth about $300-$400 'cos it's not new-new like, super first-hand, and plus there's no warranty.

but that was good information too though :-)

sigh then again we ain't sure if winning the bike was a good thing or not.

it was such a freaking burden #burdenpatrick

lepak-ed around marine parade while waiting for david's dad to arrive and went crazy with photos and talking too.

went to download oovoo that night and guess what... our countdown to christmas turned into a stay-up-all-night-till-sunrise-at-7.03am video call :O

though there was only me, jasley and gary left but still... #excoyolo #excosuperyolo

MERRY CHRISTMAS XX

while waiting in burger king!

played with david's crazily cool apps like cycloramic omg coolest shit ever!

fredaaaa

rouuuuz

us on the canopy bike thing ahahaha.

nigel was like "wah you all still got time for photo ah! we chiong like mad sia!"
hurhur, you don't say, this is why our bike was 7th place :'D

us with the hamper woohoo yay for 7th place!

there's a truckload of food in the hamper i swear they have all sorts of chips and drinks and weird flour-tasting bebe hahahaha i shall talk about that later!

and that's the 2nd place bike! :)

congrats guysss :)

i look like i have a beer belly here -_-

jasleyyyy

nigeeeeeel

xiaoooohui

garyyyy

that night's oovoo club woohoo! :)

david and his lights hahahaha

at 3:24am with only us 3 left

4.53am

6.39am

WE ARE CRAZY.

secret santa revelation (boxing day)

ran last-minute errands in the morning for ahem.

met xh, david, huixian, gary and jasley for the secret life of walter mitty!!!

bought a small box of popcorn to share and sneaked in the rest of our food from the hamper we won that day into the theatre.

and david actually liked the plain-flour-tasting bebe omg hahahaha srsly!

it was a really cute and adventurous show aww hahaha.

the photography is damn good btw!

not bad a movie ;)

met up with nigel and wanrou after the show and since it was raining we lepak-ed outside the sentosa express gantry area.

played give me rhythm ready go and catching mice but sigh it was pretty much a flop :(

it's okay!!!

geared up for marche at about 5pm hehehe we beat the dinner crowd. (no joke omg the amount of people that came after we left, crowd-bringers hohoho *hairflick*)

shared a rosti and a crepe with jasley and omg their crepes are my absolute favourite :-)

sneaked out my victorian sponge cake and freda's apple crumble for dessert mmmm so good!

revealed secret santa thereafter but sadly my santa joelyn didn't come :(

well anyway, gary's my mortal!

hope you liked all the gifts yeah, from the biscuits to the hot cocoa to the wallet! :)

#nicesantame HAHAHAH.

hope the rest of the exco liked the planners and cards too :)

love y'all!

did some crazy shit there such as k-pop dancing and hiding xh's phone hahaha.

guess i was kinda tired so i didn't talk much...

but yeah the day ended well anyway, thanks exco for making my day so amazing :-)

on a side note my tribal romper came but no it is too small for me omg i'm soooooo sad.

oh well.

photos.

g1 is awesome ;)

booya hahahaha.

#creeps

night-time photo-taking is hard because we had to on our own flashlights or borrow the light emitted from the nearby lampposts argh hahaha sucks

the second photo looks nice though :-)

'cos we all look so happy :)

a collage of all the selfies of freda and i hahaha too many to post individual so yeah hehe collage for freda! :)

idk what's with the gradient of dark to light though LOLOL.

david and his modelling days hahahaha omg super epic i swear

i like this photo!! ^^

probably because we have symmetrical hair hahah!

too qt for you hahahaha

like this photo too heheh damn cute the hammer!!!

playing with the props we found behind the booths LOLOL

love this one too but my face is so small :( :P

"ohana means family" ♥

oovoo part 2

had an oovoo session again last night and sigh we stayed up to break our record by a minute hahaha!

7.04am #excoyolo

oovoo, where all the stories are told and our secrets unfold ;)

our ceremonious sunrise photo ;)

xoxo exco yolo

on a side note again, i am super in love with we the kings' latest album somewhere somehow.

can't keep my ears off the tracks ahhh.

even put one of the tracks on my blog ^^v

enjoy!