quick update

75% done with a's and hence i'm back for a quick while.

i'll try to keep this short.

i don't know why but i feel like i've been thinking a lot recently.

despite a's being my biggest priority now, when darkness falls and it's past midnight, that's when the weird thoughts start creeping in.

i've always been a night-person, i love staying up late.

be it to talk to others, to play games or to watch shows (studying is an exception), night time is always the best.

so recently i found a quote on twitter that said:
"you have to find the right distance between people. too close, and they overwhelm you, too far and they abandon you."
many people have said that i'm a "sociable" person, that i have a really wide social circle and i have many good friends.

to be honest i personally feel otherwise.

honestly, i'm not the nicest kind of person you'd first meet because i always give off this bloody long fml face. 

neither am i a social butterfly who says hi to the people i kinda know but then again don't know.

but i would seek comfort in the fact that i have quite a few close friends whom i am entirely comfortable with.

however i don't know how long these friendships will last, because from past experience, i'm never good with sustaining relationships with others.

not that i don't want to, and in fact i really want to develop long-term relations, but sometimes i just don't know how to go about doing it.

not that i am doubting my friends as individuals but sometimes i feel i can't handle things well enough for a long-term friendship to develop.

coming to jc made me realize what a bitch i am actually. 

how is it that my friendships with guys and girls fail to turn out nicely in the end?

does the fault lie with me?

i don't know but sometimes i really doubt myself.

and i hate it that sometimes my impulses get the better of me.

just when i thought things became better, there are just some things about a person that will never change huh?

control, jamie, control.