9 months

we are 4 days away from the month of October.
it scares me to see how time has flown so quickly over the course of this year.
how come 2013 is less than a 100 days away?
i guess for this past 9 months, i have really learnt quite a lot.

2013 was indeed the year of change, which took me hell long to get used to.
like i've mentioned before i hate change.
it is my worst enemy in life because i just simply hate the fact that i have to step out of my comfort zone to do things that i am absolutely uncomfortable with.
since promos are about 80% over, i finally have the time to sit down and think about what i have done for the past 9 months.
i guess everything that's happened over this time really got me thinking hard.

sometimes i don't know whether i am too nice a person or not.
i feel like i am too much of a giver, and it freaking pisses me off how i hate it when my niceness offends people.
it's not that i'm being all narcissistic here but wtf, i get really sick when shit happens.
am i just too nice to people?
why do i always end up screwing things upside down inside out and from others' perspective i guess it kinda looks like my fault?!
to think that i used to anticipate coming to college because i believed it would help me escape from all the childish bitchy fights that used to happen in secondary school.
but i was proven wrong right away in my first year in college.
so much shit has happened in less than a year, and i honestly don't know what the hell went wrong.
sometimes i really think i deserve better.
i deserve better things.
truth be told, i guess that after these 9 months all that feeling of whole happiness was just a facade.
i shan't hide the truth anymore.
to be honest, i can't help but feel even more empty than i felt in secondary school.
i feel even more lonely than i was before.
i feel even more uncertain of everything that is happening around me.
you may say that i lack trust/faith, but i guess too much shit's got to my head i can't even think straight now.
i guess if there was one thing i could wish for right now, i would really yearn for someone who could really listen to me here in college.
i think i have become even more reclusive than i used to be, which i guess is bad because i hardly open up anymore.
i never really try to depend on others for anything anymore simply because i don't want to be a burden to anybody.
i can say surely that i have grown less attached to friends because that feeling when things end; when change steps into your life again, that feeling of departure and distance is something too much for me to take.
so i guess i learnt this the hard way - being overly attached is seriously painful.
well i wish i could have a listening ear to lean on whenever life gets me down.
my old friends are too busy catching up with life and everything, they obviously won't have time for me.
argh again my thoughts aren't expressed sequentially but rather it is arranged in order of whatever comes to my mind first.
i really don't know what else i can find solace in.
sometimes i feel that life gets too tiring i don't even know where i can turn to.

why is life such a bitch? why are you such a bitch?
when you are too nice, shit happens. when you are too mean, shit still happens.
so wtf do you want me to be?
i hate it when people take my kindness for my weakness.
yes i may not be the best person who can retaliate or reject but why do people like to take things for granted?
really, the thought of all shit just makes me so damn angry inside.
i obviously do not want to ignite the sparks of these remnants but i can't help but feel indignant at everything that was said.
k you know what, forget it.
i'm not going to bring up the past because it is absolutely unnecessary and irrelevant right now.

getting a bit lazy to blog already so i guess i will just end here.
i'll let the pictures do the talking because tumblr has amazing photos that can really express my thoughts well.
so here goes.

k end of raging.

bye.

as much as i want to cry right now i wish i could really find my nintendo ds charger because i want to play my ds so bad...

oh well.

back to reality and back to my music that i love. :)

this is my happy pill :')

just this close.

we are just slightly more than 24 hours to the start of the promo exams.
how did time pass this quickly seriously?!
well, obviously if i could turn back time i would have seized the days to study even better.
but which student can say that they are 100% prepared the day before the exams?

spammed nothing but bio today.
this is probably my weakest subject and to be honest i kinda regret taking it.
h2 bio is hell i swear.
the details and the legions of new facts i have to remember every damn lecture is no joke.
are you sure i didn't take rocket science or something?
so today i tried my best to understand viruses and bacteria especially.
though it took me quite awhile i'm glad i finally understand most of the lectures now :-)
but since i've already made the choice to take h2 bio, i can't back out at this point in time right?
so even if i fare poorly for bio again this time round, i wouldn't feel guilty because i know i've tried.
i have finally understood some blurred concepts i had since mid-years and also did try & help myself by organizing my notes better.
so yeah, as much as i'm worried for bio, i know i have tried and thus there shall be no regrets :-)

well well well.
the gp papers fall on the same day as bio paper 2 too.
haven't exactly started memorizing my examples for gp....
but i hope what i've done in tuition progressively helps!

okay it's getting late i should get to bed soon.

anyway, as the promos are drawing nearer, i still feel unduly worried for some reason ahahahaha.
good job.
not that i have mastered every single bits of shit in every subject but i daresay that i have been doing something each day for the month of september at least.
okay this is an absolutely boring post meh but idc.

did i mention i fell in love with before you exit today and how cute this band of brothers is? :)))
i shall blog about them soon!
in the meantime, farewell for now! :)

10 fun facts about myself

let's hope i can finish this blog entry before 1.45am...
targeting to sleep by then hmm.
decided to blog because i got all frustrated with math (vectors) and promos preparation and whatnot.
time to seek comfort in blogging 10 facts about myself! (reduced from 15 because promos is coming oops and i need to study)
trying to find more new stuff about myself that could prove to be somewhat intriguing...
sorry i couldn't resist taking a sneak peek at my list of "post-promos daily blog challenges" ;)
so i shall embark on one today.
let's begin!

1) I am a boring person (on the outside).

no kidding bro. i'm being totally serious right here. it's like everyone does have a favourite drama they are bound to be catching up on every weekend, or like a strong interest in a certain something like catching action movies, or a favourite actor because he is that hot with the six-pack and exploding biceps. me? nah i have none of the above listed. i am honestly a boring girl with a boring life. no wait. let me take that back. i am a boring girl, but i don't lead a boring life! well, i don't exactly find interest in watching tv shows or movies unless i am asked to (ok i mentioned this on my instagram). i don't find ANY celebrity really eye-catching or worth my attention. i don't like getting on roller coasters. i don't like adventure. meh. okay this is starting to become 100 sub-facts about myself under 15 facts oops. but yeah anyway i am a boring person. i don't laugh at hilarious scenes... yeah it's just hard to bring out the laughter in me. i guess probably because i have a different sense of humour and can't really appreciate what's ongoing on screen. but i guess when you get to know me better, i am not a boring person at all (i hope). truth is, i genuinely enjoy talking. i love talking to people. i love making new friends but i suck at it. i like to see people laugh at what i say, it just gives me this great sense of satisfaction and i feel happy inside, too. i am obviously not the most friendly face around because people say i carry this black face everywhere i go... sorry if i come across as an unfriendly bitch of some sort. but honestly i enjoy meeting new people, it's a great experience. and when that time comes, trust me, i am not a boring person ;)

2) When I am unhappy over text, I tend to spam punctuation marks (... especially) or either that I end my sentences with a single full-stop.

yup that's what i noticed recently. when i get upset/angry/disappointed, my text lingo shows it. i use many many short forms and i suddenly use appropriate punctuations such as the full-stop at the end of every whatsapp message. that's just me i guess? i don't know. i guess this kinda shows how easily run i am by my emotions. my emotions take control of me, and it's hard the other way round. sigh guess i gotta learn. hmm. well ok this is a pretty boring fact, just fyi.

3) I am a sexist when it comes to music.

yeah i guess everyone knows this by now. female artistes are a complete turn-off to me, really. the only female singer i can actually appreciate is katy perry, avril lavigne and occasionally taylor swift. can't appreciate demi lovato, paramore, little mix and whatnot. my list of "anti-female artistes" goes on. it's not that i'm being a cynical little bimbo here but i really hate the way ladies sound on audio. my ears just aren't receptive at all to them. i've always felt guys made better singers than girls because personally i feel they have much stronger vocals and can reach a wider range of notes (more pleasantly too). maybe because we've also come across multiple female artistes who can't sing live. have you heard of any guy who is merely a pretty face who can't sing live? hmm not that i have, or not that i choose to agree hahaha. so yes i am a complete boyband (fan)girl! well, not vocalist groups like one direction... hmm i used to adore them until they kinda changed recently... it's quite scary how they grew so much. the boybands i frequently listen to are simple plan, boys like girls, backstreet boys, we the kings, fall out boy, before you exit, the all-american rejects, all time low... yes this is in order of frequency and how much i love them ;)

4) I cry a lot.

(used a pikachu gif twice... sorry not sorry)

think my eyes aren't even eyes, they're water taps. i cry way too easily - it's bad. i tear over the slightest things regardless of my emotion. be it the fact that i'm overjoyed at some shit ok sorry can't think of examples off-hand, be it the fact that i am raging.... i cry. there's been a few times when i've just been so angry i've raged till i cried. ugh. made me feel like some wimp though hahaha. tears well up to when my parents always encourage me to just "do your best" or when they are really nice and loving to me :') i cry at commercials or even short video snippets. when the principal showed a 2-minute ah boys to men snippet (about the recruits receiving letters from their loved ones), i actually teared... so embarrassing omg. in secondary school when i couldn't take the stress from everything (esp. sec 2) i often went to the toilet alone to hide and cry in a cubicle. ugh i need to strengthen my emotional self because this can't keep going on. one day people are going to laugh at me. grow up, jamie, grow up. it's time to do away with the emotions.

5) I hold my character in high esteem and take such things seriously. (don't even try messing with me on these)

i absolutely hate it when someone doubts my character/the things i do. bloody hell. i take pride in being a morally good person and how dare you doubt my personal set of values?! gnd. actually the first and only time someone actually did that to me was this year in college. screw you and your prejudice. you DO NOT EVER call me a "terrible influence" to my friends because i have never been and you don't have the rights to anyway - only my parents can scold/discipline me. not you. so to whoever wants to doubt me of my morals please withhold. i can very firmly say that pl(pb) has moulded me into someone of fine character. so don't be surprised if i take what you say about my morals with offence. screw off.

6) I play the piano, but I'm not musically inclined or anything like that.

i guess the thing that i lack is passion, i don't really like to practice. i never ever practise my songs unless the exam date is drawing near, because i find that it is such a nuisance to be playing the same horrible line 20 times and probably irritating the shit out of your neighbours. meh. if i were rich enough i would build a soundproof room in my house just so that i can make all the noise i want with the piano and not get judged for what i want to play. sometimes i feel my pop songs annoy people (both my neighbours and parents hahaha) 'cos the chords are just so repetitive... hmm. but i like pop songs.

7) I hate being alone.

yes i hate it, and i guess the reason why is because i am very dependent on my friends, which is a hell of a bad thing. i enjoy company especially when i'm in school and i'd feel lonely/outcasted if i didn't have someone to talk to... the sensitive me returns lol. maybe because when i'm alone my thoughts run wild. but actually i enjoy being alone at home because i feel "free" in a sense... yupppp so friends please don't leave me roaming around in school alone T_T

8) I will never ever tell a guy I like him, first. (at least for now)

omg no way in the world will i ever confess my feelings to a guy first. no matter how much i "like" him it is way too embarrassing especially if he says no. plus i'm not exactly very pretty so obviously you can't have hopes too high right... anyway i think it's sweet for the guy to the chasing instead, it is SO weird for a girl to confess. and guys are more easygoing so if they face rejection they wouldn't take it too hard right... they'd probably get over it after a week while girls will just whine about it for the whole month maybe? hmmm this is a really random fact but i guess because it's my first year being in a mixed school after being in a girls' school for 10 years, just some random thoughts about it. and if you ask me whether i like any guy in school..... maybe...? ;)

9) I would consider myself as a gamer girl.

i think for a girl, i have quite a flair for games hahahahaha. truth be told i enjoy playing games more than watching television/shows/movies (duh look at point 1). as a kid i grew up playing with my cousins (guys majority) a lot, and i guess watching them play games has made me interested too. i would often play ps2 with my dad too, but sadly that childhood game console of mine died.... T_T i loved it so much though. ok so let me list some of the games i've played. they're pretty old school because i obviously don't have time for games right now. well i've played fps games like counter strike, sudden attack (is it? that asiasoft shooting game i played ONCE), silent scope (this was on ps2 and it was really fun!!!). i like fighting games too like tekken tag, little fighter 2 errrr k can't remember. love maplestory too (still playing to date during holidays hahaha), tried rakion (is it? the one with the blue and red things ok wtv). racing games like bomberman on ps2 (omg my ultimate fave), mario kart, ridge racer meh. grand theft auto, nba on ps2, pangya (THAT GOLFING GAME THAT CLOSED DOWN T_T), getamped, audition, pokemon (OMG I LOVE POKEMON IT IS MY CHILDHOOD)... did i mention i was a pro at counter strike when i was young? my cousin said before i was a whiz and could win all of 'em hahaha. not that i remember myself being the counter strike champ or what but hmm, that was a nice remark yay. i would have continued if not for the lack of time ah well. but the only game i will never appreciate is dota and warcraft i guess (ok wait i think they're the same thing). miss my ps2 console a lot sigh rest in peace my childhood. :( and yeah i would think that i catch onto games pretty well. like i learn the basics fast and i'm not too bad at them. take shotzombie for now for example hehehe my high score is worthy of mention okay (yes yes i take pride in my high scores), it's comparable to some guys' high score! ;) and yeah i used to play tiny tower very actively i think i had like 140 floors or some shit like that. but it's a cute game no doubt! yup so as you guys can see i am a pretty avid gamer :)

10) I hate milk chocolate.

yes it is disgusting. let me tell you the reason why i hate milk choc. like every child would, i loved nutella. i loved nutella so much that i ate it right out from the jar with a tablespoon. i think i could eat like half the jar in a day or something. yes i loved it that much. until one day my stomach decided that it had enough and out came everything from my mouth :/ i felt so sick that i actually missed a day of school. i used to hate tomatoes too because (yes don't judge me) i cut them up into cubes last time and ate it with soya sauce hahahahaha. tbh that combination was quite good. but no no i ate too much again and now the thought of both the tomatoes and sauce together and the nutella out of a jar just makes me cringe... so kids, lesson learnt, don't ever overeat something. don't let what you love become what you hate. don't let your best friend turn into your worst enemy.

yup so those are my 10 fun facts!
i just saw the post title and it says "fun" facts.
well i hope these were fun enough!
in the meantime it's time to work my ass off for promos!
see you soon!

thanksgiving (delayed) / promos in 30 days

lazy to blog in text so i'll just spam this post with photos meh.

on a side note, promos are in 30 days time.

so farewell for now!!!

xoxo

random past-midnight post

so yes i presume that the rest of the world is asleep right now because no one has replied me on whatsapp hmmph.
it's okay, i enjoy the solitude and comfort the night has to offer.
well, so i just finished a session of sunday night baking again.
i don't know why but it has become a ritual for me this year.
to bake on sunday nights, well not every, but just, when i am in the mood to.
since there was only one day of school this week, i decided to switch on my work mode and did as much revision as i could without over-tiring myself.
so yes i dedicated my four-day break to some revision, and left my sunday night for a good baking therapy session.
tonight i baked jam-filled vanilla cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and a strawberry halve on top x

not bad an attempt huh? :)

obviously these 3 cupcakes are the prettiest, there were some where the icing just smeared badly while some of the strawberries were just really ugly hahaha.

spent a great deal of effort trying to wash up (especially the damn piping bag, urgh took me so much effort to scrub the remaining icing left...) but nonetheless it's always a good time :-)

whoa oh we don't even have to try it's always a good time~

okay sorry getting back on track.

guess i only have about 5 weeks left to promos, and that's when my fate of promotion or retention will be determined.

all i can do now is put in my best effort and let my results lead me where to go.

i honestly am not the least worried (or at least, not yet) about promos..

i don't know if it's a good or bad thing, but to me i choose to look at it on the bright side.

though i wouldn't dare to think about where i'd be next year, i wouldn't give myself the option of retaining so i'll just work hard for now :)

yup school life. boring bullshit. meh.

following this will just be a random thought or two i've had for the past few days of break.

you know, if there were one person i could choose to come to sr with me too so i'd feel less alone, i guess it'd be janice.



yes janice.
well i am quite certain she wouldn't see this, but anyway let me continue.
i would admit that we aren't the closest of friends or the best of buddies, but the fact that we were lab partners for 2 years.... well there'd be some bond right?
she's someone whom i really look up to, because she never seems to have a temper.
maybe you could say i don't know her well enough, but at least that's the vibe she gives me.
through my interaction with her in labs for the past 2 years, i am really thankful for someone who was always there for me during lessons everytime i was in a state of panic during experiments (i hate lab sessions btw).
janice, being the totally calm girl she is, would always be there to help me whenever i was in doubt.
and not to mention the time i broke her test tubes.
thank you for helping me with the clean-up too sigh guilt x1000.
ok that's besides the point.
the reason why i'd want her to be here in sr with me is because i really find her a great person to talk to.
she's just like the older sister i never had.
one who would always listen to everything i wanted to say, one who would give me great advice on almost anything.
well at least that's what i felt from that short whatsapp conversation we had a month back.
she's like my confidante, someone who was ever-so caring and was always there to just... listen.
i don't know why but all the more because she's currently in tpjc's guitar ensemble, all the more i feel that she should have been here in sr too.
i really really really wished she were here with me.
though we wouldn't be classmates, we'd probably be in the same cca and at least i feel comfortable enough to be there.
i honestly love her company because she's someone i can really be free with but at the same time, have a real serious talk.
well i guess it's fate that we wouldn't be in the same school, but at least i know we are bonded together by a common aspect and that is our cca.
maybe another reason why i'd love for us to be in the same school is probably because i want to repay all her kindness hahaha she's been too nice to me over the past 2 years i feel so bad T_T

nonetheless, i hope you're doing well janice!
since i can't make it up to you through actions, i guess i'd do it here over a short blog post, because i truly am, very thankful for you and all that you've done :-)
hope you're having fun in school too, catch up soon ok~

xoxo your last lab partner of your life since you don't step into labs anymore hehe

will run 2013

today, 3rd august, was a such a memorable day.
today was the day that i took part in my first 10km marathon.
it was a personal challenge for me, considering that i am not a physically fit person.
to have only run a maximum distance of 5km at one go, to challenge 10km would be a difficult task...
but i did it, and i even ran 11km under the stipulated time of 1h 30min!
i'm sure i wouldn't have been able to complete this arduous journey if not for the help of my friends and my dad, who came down to run 10km too :-)
thank you for always being there every step of the way and for the times i actually wanted to give up.

well, the first 2 rounds weren't too bad...
i started walking after i finished my third, i just couldn't find the motivation to carry on running.
however i managed to regain my pace at the spectators' area because there was just simply too many boys watching.....
pressurizing eh.
and i made sure i ran the whole stretch from the fitness corner until the concourse..
ran with gina and yueenn for about the 4th or 5th round but lost them closely after T_T
so i was alone pretty much the whole time... until i saw maria and jennee like 200m ahead of me.
then i sprinted like crazy to catch up with them and i finally did hahahaha but then that drained me dry of my energy.
managed to keep up with them throughout till the end!
however at the 6th/7th round my ankles were really sore, like there was this sharp acute pain stinging both my ankles arghhhh.
it hurt real bad but what could i do? run. press on.
i stopped for water every round because it rly gave me that burst of energy i needed and boy it sure was good!
thanks to all the supporters of 1sr20 and other ppl who cheered for me hahahha.
when it came to the boys' race, jennee and i were roaming around and cheered for every boy/male teacher that we knew!
it was really fun giving out random high-fives to the male runners as a class!
there was this boy who was approaching us at a walking pace and after i high-fived him he picked up speed again and went on running!
this happened twice even hahah glad to have made you run faster woohoo!
i think those random people who high-fived us back are really cool!
though we didn't know them, but they spontaneously fived us back and that was awesome! :)
everytime a boy from sr20 ran past, all the girls were just like "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *name*!"
i swear we could win the most enthusiastic class award hahah :')
it's rly cool how we had so much energy to sustain cheering and high-fiving for 1hr+ even after we ran our 10km.
and yay 3 is the magic number!!!! :)
so happy aww hahah.

yup so here are today's photos!!

srjc will run 2013 xoxo