it's been a really long while since i updated my blog and it seems like if i don't do so soon, i'm going to lose touch with this avenue of writing, which i obviously don't want to happen.
i really like to write about things that i feel strongly about but then again i'm generally a really lazy person so it takes me a lot of willpower to get down to doing something.
a month has passed since a levels ended and i'm not sure if my post-a's euphoria and ecstasy was something i imagined to be like this.
i never pictured freedom to be something so.... bitter-tasting as this.
it is not exactly bitter, but rather a tasteless drug that occasionally releases bouts of bitterness.
post-a's hasn't been the most exciting and neither has it been the most anticipated moment of my life.
sure, i'm free from my studies but life never comes easy as always.
it is so much less enticing now given the whole irony of a "quiet freedom".
my life is pretty much revolving around nothing but running man, maple, work, and occasional movies.
i rarely go out now or meet up with friends despite my level of freedom after the exams right now.
call me lazy or what but i don't like to initiate things so i guess this passiveness is going to kill me someday somehow hahaha.
i feel like i'm gradually becoming a boxed-up introvert cum couch potato who is gradually losing touch with all her friends one by one.
it's sad that our generation relies on whatsapp so much that i'm losing the human touch.
call me heartless but i don't exactly look forward to any outings of any sort anymore. (any has been repeated purposely for emphasis)
i no longer feel the happiness inside of me that i once did; the times when i got to hang out with the people i really loved.
all i wish is to stay at home (which i clearly know i will degenerate into a useless piece of trash soon and hence isn't beneficial for me) and do absolutely nothing.
somehow, i am craving for something less sought after - and that is prized family time.
after starting work, not only has it taught me that you gotta slog your guts out for money, but also how precious time is.
time is such a confusing concept.
it's funny how time passes really slowly when you're bored (at work), but during times like these my mind wanders off to think about all the precious family time that has diverged away towards a commitment of holding a job.
and it definitely makes me miss home a little more.
never will you find the same warmth and sense of acceptance at home anywhere else and neither will you ever find a greater source of comfort and love elsewhere.
sometimes i think humans are really silly creatures for everything we do is done in comparison.
only when we are put outside of our comfort zone will we realize how blessed we are.
only when we are thrown into a worse-off place will we understand what a good life we lead.
i'm currently standing on the edge and contemplating over certain matters (no definitely not suicide) but i hope i'll think through things and not act upon my emotions like i always do.
sometimes i also can't believe i'm already 18, or should i say, i'm only 18.
i'm already 18 - i've been through so much. i've seen so much of this world i'm starting to lose faith in humanity as i grow in age. 18 years of a roller-coaster ride that is life has definitely put me through the best and worst times. but i guess the best part of it all is knowing that i'm never alone though sometimes i fail to realize that.
but then again, i'm only 18.
the world is only slowly unravelling itself to me. 18 years have passed but i have a long life ahead of me to lead, just when i think the world is already as ugly as it is, things start tumbling downhill and they just get even uglier. i know i still have a lot to learn and see, i've a really long way to go. but i guess the best part of it all is knowing that i'll meet new people and new faces who will probably change my perspective on things or impact me in some way or another.
it's terrifying, isn't it?
that we are living in this cold, contemptuous world filled with so much of greed and hatred.
it's scaring so much that sometimes i feel i'm losing myself and who i really am.
a year ago, or at least a month ago, i loved doing things for others and basked in our shared happiness.
but the now me suddenly just wants some alone time, for myself to just barely stay alive (figuratively).
don't know if i'm growing old or growing up but i am lacking so much in passion right now i don't think it's really healthy for me.
what is a life devoid of love and fiery passion.
for now, i guess i'll just take things as they come and let that inner passive voice of mine from within overwhelm me for the time being.
until the time when i figure is right for me to emerge from my shell, renewed in strength and vigour.
on a really irrelevant and somewhat utopian side note, i am still dreaming about my not-too-impossible getaway to korea for 30 days.
really hoping that i'll get the chance to do the above stated.
that's one to go on my bucket list.
okay i seriously need to end this post soon.
it's flooding with so much negativity i don't know if it's within one's capacity to take.
since i don't like to end off posts on a sad note, here's to hoping for better days ahead. xx
(happy belated christmas to all you random people out there reading this (^・ω・^ ))
