9 months

we are 4 days away from the month of October.
it scares me to see how time has flown so quickly over the course of this year.
how come 2013 is less than a 100 days away?
i guess for this past 9 months, i have really learnt quite a lot.

2013 was indeed the year of change, which took me hell long to get used to.
like i've mentioned before i hate change.
it is my worst enemy in life because i just simply hate the fact that i have to step out of my comfort zone to do things that i am absolutely uncomfortable with.
since promos are about 80% over, i finally have the time to sit down and think about what i have done for the past 9 months.
i guess everything that's happened over this time really got me thinking hard.

sometimes i don't know whether i am too nice a person or not.
i feel like i am too much of a giver, and it freaking pisses me off how i hate it when my niceness offends people.
it's not that i'm being all narcissistic here but wtf, i get really sick when shit happens.
am i just too nice to people?
why do i always end up screwing things upside down inside out and from others' perspective i guess it kinda looks like my fault?!
to think that i used to anticipate coming to college because i believed it would help me escape from all the childish bitchy fights that used to happen in secondary school.
but i was proven wrong right away in my first year in college.
so much shit has happened in less than a year, and i honestly don't know what the hell went wrong.
sometimes i really think i deserve better.
i deserve better things.
truth be told, i guess that after these 9 months all that feeling of whole happiness was just a facade.
i shan't hide the truth anymore.
to be honest, i can't help but feel even more empty than i felt in secondary school.
i feel even more lonely than i was before.
i feel even more uncertain of everything that is happening around me.
you may say that i lack trust/faith, but i guess too much shit's got to my head i can't even think straight now.
i guess if there was one thing i could wish for right now, i would really yearn for someone who could really listen to me here in college.
i think i have become even more reclusive than i used to be, which i guess is bad because i hardly open up anymore.
i never really try to depend on others for anything anymore simply because i don't want to be a burden to anybody.
i can say surely that i have grown less attached to friends because that feeling when things end; when change steps into your life again, that feeling of departure and distance is something too much for me to take.
so i guess i learnt this the hard way - being overly attached is seriously painful.
well i wish i could have a listening ear to lean on whenever life gets me down.
my old friends are too busy catching up with life and everything, they obviously won't have time for me.
argh again my thoughts aren't expressed sequentially but rather it is arranged in order of whatever comes to my mind first.
i really don't know what else i can find solace in.
sometimes i feel that life gets too tiring i don't even know where i can turn to.

why is life such a bitch? why are you such a bitch?
when you are too nice, shit happens. when you are too mean, shit still happens.
so wtf do you want me to be?
i hate it when people take my kindness for my weakness.
yes i may not be the best person who can retaliate or reject but why do people like to take things for granted?
really, the thought of all shit just makes me so damn angry inside.
i obviously do not want to ignite the sparks of these remnants but i can't help but feel indignant at everything that was said.
k you know what, forget it.
i'm not going to bring up the past because it is absolutely unnecessary and irrelevant right now.

getting a bit lazy to blog already so i guess i will just end here.
i'll let the pictures do the talking because tumblr has amazing photos that can really express my thoughts well.
so here goes.

k end of raging.

bye.

as much as i want to cry right now i wish i could really find my nintendo ds charger because i want to play my ds so bad...

oh well.

back to reality and back to my music that i love. :)

this is my happy pill :')

just this close.

we are just slightly more than 24 hours to the start of the promo exams.
how did time pass this quickly seriously?!
well, obviously if i could turn back time i would have seized the days to study even better.
but which student can say that they are 100% prepared the day before the exams?

spammed nothing but bio today.
this is probably my weakest subject and to be honest i kinda regret taking it.
h2 bio is hell i swear.
the details and the legions of new facts i have to remember every damn lecture is no joke.
are you sure i didn't take rocket science or something?
so today i tried my best to understand viruses and bacteria especially.
though it took me quite awhile i'm glad i finally understand most of the lectures now :-)
but since i've already made the choice to take h2 bio, i can't back out at this point in time right?
so even if i fare poorly for bio again this time round, i wouldn't feel guilty because i know i've tried.
i have finally understood some blurred concepts i had since mid-years and also did try & help myself by organizing my notes better.
so yeah, as much as i'm worried for bio, i know i have tried and thus there shall be no regrets :-)

well well well.
the gp papers fall on the same day as bio paper 2 too.
haven't exactly started memorizing my examples for gp....
but i hope what i've done in tuition progressively helps!

okay it's getting late i should get to bed soon.

anyway, as the promos are drawing nearer, i still feel unduly worried for some reason ahahahaha.
good job.
not that i have mastered every single bits of shit in every subject but i daresay that i have been doing something each day for the month of september at least.
okay this is an absolutely boring post meh but idc.

did i mention i fell in love with before you exit today and how cute this band of brothers is? :)))
i shall blog about them soon!
in the meantime, farewell for now! :)

10 fun facts about myself

let's hope i can finish this blog entry before 1.45am...
targeting to sleep by then hmm.
decided to blog because i got all frustrated with math (vectors) and promos preparation and whatnot.
time to seek comfort in blogging 10 facts about myself! (reduced from 15 because promos is coming oops and i need to study)
trying to find more new stuff about myself that could prove to be somewhat intriguing...
sorry i couldn't resist taking a sneak peek at my list of "post-promos daily blog challenges" ;)
so i shall embark on one today.
let's begin!

1) I am a boring person (on the outside).

no kidding bro. i'm being totally serious right here. it's like everyone does have a favourite drama they are bound to be catching up on every weekend, or like a strong interest in a certain something like catching action movies, or a favourite actor because he is that hot with the six-pack and exploding biceps. me? nah i have none of the above listed. i am honestly a boring girl with a boring life. no wait. let me take that back. i am a boring girl, but i don't lead a boring life! well, i don't exactly find interest in watching tv shows or movies unless i am asked to (ok i mentioned this on my instagram). i don't find ANY celebrity really eye-catching or worth my attention. i don't like getting on roller coasters. i don't like adventure. meh. okay this is starting to become 100 sub-facts about myself under 15 facts oops. but yeah anyway i am a boring person. i don't laugh at hilarious scenes... yeah it's just hard to bring out the laughter in me. i guess probably because i have a different sense of humour and can't really appreciate what's ongoing on screen. but i guess when you get to know me better, i am not a boring person at all (i hope). truth is, i genuinely enjoy talking. i love talking to people. i love making new friends but i suck at it. i like to see people laugh at what i say, it just gives me this great sense of satisfaction and i feel happy inside, too. i am obviously not the most friendly face around because people say i carry this black face everywhere i go... sorry if i come across as an unfriendly bitch of some sort. but honestly i enjoy meeting new people, it's a great experience. and when that time comes, trust me, i am not a boring person ;)

2) When I am unhappy over text, I tend to spam punctuation marks (... especially) or either that I end my sentences with a single full-stop.

yup that's what i noticed recently. when i get upset/angry/disappointed, my text lingo shows it. i use many many short forms and i suddenly use appropriate punctuations such as the full-stop at the end of every whatsapp message. that's just me i guess? i don't know. i guess this kinda shows how easily run i am by my emotions. my emotions take control of me, and it's hard the other way round. sigh guess i gotta learn. hmm. well ok this is a pretty boring fact, just fyi.

3) I am a sexist when it comes to music.

yeah i guess everyone knows this by now. female artistes are a complete turn-off to me, really. the only female singer i can actually appreciate is katy perry, avril lavigne and occasionally taylor swift. can't appreciate demi lovato, paramore, little mix and whatnot. my list of "anti-female artistes" goes on. it's not that i'm being a cynical little bimbo here but i really hate the way ladies sound on audio. my ears just aren't receptive at all to them. i've always felt guys made better singers than girls because personally i feel they have much stronger vocals and can reach a wider range of notes (more pleasantly too). maybe because we've also come across multiple female artistes who can't sing live. have you heard of any guy who is merely a pretty face who can't sing live? hmm not that i have, or not that i choose to agree hahaha. so yes i am a complete boyband (fan)girl! well, not vocalist groups like one direction... hmm i used to adore them until they kinda changed recently... it's quite scary how they grew so much. the boybands i frequently listen to are simple plan, boys like girls, backstreet boys, we the kings, fall out boy, before you exit, the all-american rejects, all time low... yes this is in order of frequency and how much i love them ;)

4) I cry a lot.

(used a pikachu gif twice... sorry not sorry)

think my eyes aren't even eyes, they're water taps. i cry way too easily - it's bad. i tear over the slightest things regardless of my emotion. be it the fact that i'm overjoyed at some shit ok sorry can't think of examples off-hand, be it the fact that i am raging.... i cry. there's been a few times when i've just been so angry i've raged till i cried. ugh. made me feel like some wimp though hahaha. tears well up to when my parents always encourage me to just "do your best" or when they are really nice and loving to me :') i cry at commercials or even short video snippets. when the principal showed a 2-minute ah boys to men snippet (about the recruits receiving letters from their loved ones), i actually teared... so embarrassing omg. in secondary school when i couldn't take the stress from everything (esp. sec 2) i often went to the toilet alone to hide and cry in a cubicle. ugh i need to strengthen my emotional self because this can't keep going on. one day people are going to laugh at me. grow up, jamie, grow up. it's time to do away with the emotions.

5) I hold my character in high esteem and take such things seriously. (don't even try messing with me on these)

i absolutely hate it when someone doubts my character/the things i do. bloody hell. i take pride in being a morally good person and how dare you doubt my personal set of values?! gnd. actually the first and only time someone actually did that to me was this year in college. screw you and your prejudice. you DO NOT EVER call me a "terrible influence" to my friends because i have never been and you don't have the rights to anyway - only my parents can scold/discipline me. not you. so to whoever wants to doubt me of my morals please withhold. i can very firmly say that pl(pb) has moulded me into someone of fine character. so don't be surprised if i take what you say about my morals with offence. screw off.

6) I play the piano, but I'm not musically inclined or anything like that.

i guess the thing that i lack is passion, i don't really like to practice. i never ever practise my songs unless the exam date is drawing near, because i find that it is such a nuisance to be playing the same horrible line 20 times and probably irritating the shit out of your neighbours. meh. if i were rich enough i would build a soundproof room in my house just so that i can make all the noise i want with the piano and not get judged for what i want to play. sometimes i feel my pop songs annoy people (both my neighbours and parents hahaha) 'cos the chords are just so repetitive... hmm. but i like pop songs.

7) I hate being alone.

yes i hate it, and i guess the reason why is because i am very dependent on my friends, which is a hell of a bad thing. i enjoy company especially when i'm in school and i'd feel lonely/outcasted if i didn't have someone to talk to... the sensitive me returns lol. maybe because when i'm alone my thoughts run wild. but actually i enjoy being alone at home because i feel "free" in a sense... yupppp so friends please don't leave me roaming around in school alone T_T

8) I will never ever tell a guy I like him, first. (at least for now)

omg no way in the world will i ever confess my feelings to a guy first. no matter how much i "like" him it is way too embarrassing especially if he says no. plus i'm not exactly very pretty so obviously you can't have hopes too high right... anyway i think it's sweet for the guy to the chasing instead, it is SO weird for a girl to confess. and guys are more easygoing so if they face rejection they wouldn't take it too hard right... they'd probably get over it after a week while girls will just whine about it for the whole month maybe? hmmm this is a really random fact but i guess because it's my first year being in a mixed school after being in a girls' school for 10 years, just some random thoughts about it. and if you ask me whether i like any guy in school..... maybe...? ;)

9) I would consider myself as a gamer girl.

i think for a girl, i have quite a flair for games hahahahaha. truth be told i enjoy playing games more than watching television/shows/movies (duh look at point 1). as a kid i grew up playing with my cousins (guys majority) a lot, and i guess watching them play games has made me interested too. i would often play ps2 with my dad too, but sadly that childhood game console of mine died.... T_T i loved it so much though. ok so let me list some of the games i've played. they're pretty old school because i obviously don't have time for games right now. well i've played fps games like counter strike, sudden attack (is it? that asiasoft shooting game i played ONCE), silent scope (this was on ps2 and it was really fun!!!). i like fighting games too like tekken tag, little fighter 2 errrr k can't remember. love maplestory too (still playing to date during holidays hahaha), tried rakion (is it? the one with the blue and red things ok wtv). racing games like bomberman on ps2 (omg my ultimate fave), mario kart, ridge racer meh. grand theft auto, nba on ps2, pangya (THAT GOLFING GAME THAT CLOSED DOWN T_T), getamped, audition, pokemon (OMG I LOVE POKEMON IT IS MY CHILDHOOD)... did i mention i was a pro at counter strike when i was young? my cousin said before i was a whiz and could win all of 'em hahaha. not that i remember myself being the counter strike champ or what but hmm, that was a nice remark yay. i would have continued if not for the lack of time ah well. but the only game i will never appreciate is dota and warcraft i guess (ok wait i think they're the same thing). miss my ps2 console a lot sigh rest in peace my childhood. :( and yeah i would think that i catch onto games pretty well. like i learn the basics fast and i'm not too bad at them. take shotzombie for now for example hehehe my high score is worthy of mention okay (yes yes i take pride in my high scores), it's comparable to some guys' high score! ;) and yeah i used to play tiny tower very actively i think i had like 140 floors or some shit like that. but it's a cute game no doubt! yup so as you guys can see i am a pretty avid gamer :)

10) I hate milk chocolate.

yes it is disgusting. let me tell you the reason why i hate milk choc. like every child would, i loved nutella. i loved nutella so much that i ate it right out from the jar with a tablespoon. i think i could eat like half the jar in a day or something. yes i loved it that much. until one day my stomach decided that it had enough and out came everything from my mouth :/ i felt so sick that i actually missed a day of school. i used to hate tomatoes too because (yes don't judge me) i cut them up into cubes last time and ate it with soya sauce hahahahaha. tbh that combination was quite good. but no no i ate too much again and now the thought of both the tomatoes and sauce together and the nutella out of a jar just makes me cringe... so kids, lesson learnt, don't ever overeat something. don't let what you love become what you hate. don't let your best friend turn into your worst enemy.

yup so those are my 10 fun facts!
i just saw the post title and it says "fun" facts.
well i hope these were fun enough!
in the meantime it's time to work my ass off for promos!
see you soon!