^ i guess these truly reflect how i feel and what i want to say
well well.
another point in time when i just feel or crappy and reflective.
it's been almost 6 months since change has pervaded its way through my life.
i honestly do not want to know what change has morphed me into, but whoever i am now, i guess it is all evident and perceptible now.
why is change so cruel?
they say that a broken heart is what changes people.
i've loved and lost, loved those who were really dear to me, but lost it all again because of change.
since the only constant in life is change, i guess i've got to deal with it somehow, in one way or another right?
i think i've handled change poorly, but i honestly can't help it.
as much as i hate new environments, trying to settle in and feel comfortable all over again, it takes time.
but sadly i do not have the patience to wait for time to do its job.
am i bipolar or something???
one part of me says (i feel and know it) that i have accepted, and adapted to change already.
however another part is somehow telling me i am far from settled snugly in change.
screw it, so what is it???
yes no doubt, on the surface it seems like i'm all "yes i'm okay" "i like things the way they are now", i'm certain there's a very small part of me that still cannot let go of the past.
and i guess this is the reason why i've been in such a foul mood the past few days.
i don't want anyone/anything to evoke the nostalgia within me; it's like this chapter in life that i have already closed but yet things just can't move on.
please, just leave me alone will you!!
stop rocking the boat to and fro, will you just let the boat come to a standstill on its own?!
stop, just stop.
ugh.
idk why i am feeling all angst now but i think change has transformed me into someone i can barely recognize, myself.
just let me do what i think is right for now.
eventually when things reach a deadlock i will find my way back to reality okay?
i think whatever i've posted here sounds nonsensical.
see this is the problem with me, the thoughts are all in my head but i can never seem to express myself well enough for people to understand.
it's okay, guess i'll keep trying, get better at this, and one day maybe people will finally understand me...
Life changes every minute of the day. You lose friends. You gain friends. You realize your friend wasn't ever really your friend. And that person you used to hate can make a really good friend. You look for love. You find love. You lose love. You realize that all along you've been loved. You laugh. You cry. You laugh so hard that you cry. You do this. You do that. You really wish you hadn't done that. You learn from that and are glad that you did. You have your ups. You have your downs. You see good movies. You see bad movies. You look at others and wish you were them. You then realize who they are and are glad you're you. You love life. You hate life. In the end, you just find yourself to be living life no matter what's thrown at you.
^ this, is so beautifully true.
