it's 1.14am and i have just finished half my vectors 2 tutorial and planned out my schedule for the next 3 weeks or so.
i know it's been a while since i've last written, but i've been so caught up at school i can hardly find breathing space.
much has taken place, and i guess i'll just write about the various aspects of my life.
i shall start of with something that's of high importance but not of utmost priority to me, and that is my academics.
yes so my studies - i can't even find a single word to describe it, i guess i have mixed feelings.
well it's not that i am indifferent towards my tests or that i don't value my results, but it's just that sometimes - my best is all that matters.
i study hard, sit for the test, get the grade and just think hmmm, "it's okay."
sometimes i ought to understand that people are different, and unique in their own way.
and that god didn't give me the smartest brains for a reason.
it can't be helped that i am, let's face it - stupid or slow in catching up in lectures/tutorials.
i do try my best to give my fullest attention but sometimes it's just in vain.
so far i've failed almost every single test/quiz we've sat for.... failed my math lecture test, econs lecture test, functions pop quiz.. i only managed to pass gp.
i guess this is really the norm of jc life - failing all your tests ahhhh.
maybe i'm not trying hard enough, and yeah that could be the reason why i'm doing so badly now.
but well, i know myself best.
sometimes i work too hard that i tire myself out physically and start to fall ill.
i don't want this sort of nightmare to happen again.
obviously i myself know i am not working as hard as i did during the period nearing o's, but i don't think i should work this hard because i'm afraid it's only going to backfire.
so i'll just let nature take its course, i'll give my best in whatever i can, and if that's the result of my best effort, i accept it and know deep down, i tried, genuinely.
barely getting by each day, but it's ok, i'll cross the bridge when i come to it.
anyway did i mention i am really grateful for our subject tutors.
i'm actually quite happy with 1sr20's tutors, especially math.
i am really really really lucky to have such a dedicated math tutor, who's spirit of continuous improvement has really inspired me.
his dedication is really one-of-a-kind, and his patience never runs dry.
how he would always make time for us to have consultations, how he would personalize all our consolidations topically, how he would never fail to help the weaker ones (like me) to improve, how he is ever-understanding.
his unwavering passion to teach us math is huge enough to make me feel guilty whenever i can't do my tutorials or even fail my lecture tests.
the effort he puts in and seeing the results we achieve in return, is really, utterly disappointing.
that's why i want to work hard for math.
i don't want to let our tutor down.
i am sure my class sees the amount of time and effort he has spent on our class, updating our facebook page everyday with tutorial hints, worked solutions to problems etc. etc.
so so grateful for 1sr20's math tutor!!!!
i will work hard for my mid-years.
and at the same time be motivated by :) as much as i can!!!
i guess that pretty much sums up the academic segment of my life.
now here's something more important (to me), and personal, and that is my relationships with the people around me.
1sr20, my class of year 2013.
this class, has really taught me quite a bit despite only being together for what, 2 months plus?
i have made really nice friends here, and i'm happy with where i am now.
though i still find it difficult to let go of my secondary school, the friends i've made in class, is really the reason why i look forward to school everyday.
this class is always full of joy and laughter.
i love the warmth of the class everytime i step in - the jokes we crack, the laughter we share, the silly things we do.
such is the positive side of my jc life.
but as much as i know i can't keep clinging on to the past and that i've got to move on, i sometimes can't help but feel stuck in the middle.
i feel strangely empty inside, because i always feel there's no one i can completely trust/tell everything to.
i know my secondary school friends would have moved on with their current peers and classmates, and so do i have to learn to do so.
but obviously the bond and trust in them is still there, and it's not something that can be built overnight with my jc mates.
don't get me wrong, i do trust my mates but the bond with my secondary school friends is really, irreplaceable.
anyway back to the present (yes i need to stop harping on the past), i've learnt much from just the mere 2-month interaction with my class.
in life, you really, win some and lose some.
life is never going to be easy on you, and you can never have the best of both worlds.
you win some one, but you also have to let go of another.
and this involves decisions, decisions and decisions.
sigh.
i've also learnt much about myself, my strengths and my weaknesses.
after all the interaction with my friends i truly found out more about myself.
my strengths - and how it can be brought out in appropriate times.
my weaknesses - and how i know my actions can bring hurt to others, so i try my best to hold it in.
i did not entirely discover so much about myself by myself (HAHA), but some are which people have told me, and i'm thankful you all did.
this is why i believe in the value of friendship, it's not about just having common topics and interests to bind us together, but it's really about how we learn from one another because we never fail to meet each day!
after saying this, it brings me on to the point about how i need to learn how to manage my time better.
because i am such a friend/people-oriented person, sometimes my priorities are skewed and it's not exactly doing me much good.
like what my mom has said, i do need to cut down the time i spend going out to have dinner with my mates/slacking around after school etc.
i'm not getting sufficient rest (average of 5hours per night ok i know some people get lesser), and i'm finding it hard to cope with the rigour of the jc curriculum.
and yet i'm still gallivanting outside???
yes, life's little pleasures are that of spending time with your friends and building up bonds, but i need to know where to draw the line.
i'll try to reduce the time i spend doing unproductive shit and instead coming back home to rest/revise.
everyone in class has their own unique personality, and it's cool how we can accommodate one another well. (just something i've observed for it being my first time in a mixed school)
yeah so that's my friends in jc, my classmates and my cca mates, really thankful to have crossed paths and be granted the opportunity to know more about one another.
hope that through the friendships i forge i will contribute to a pleasantly memorable 2 years here in srjc!
ok on a more relaxed and less reflective mode, i would like to say that i have put on weight hahahaha.
it's true ah, the first few weeks of formal curriculum (when we just started out), were really days of nothing but pigging out and not exercising.
we had mad jack as a class, seoul garden, ajisen ramen etc.
and the fact that there was the canteen, the good news cafe, the crossroads cafe and the student service centre made the choice of food so wide we had to try almost everything.
oh goodness, and the weight i've gained is immense...... T_T
this started to worry me quite a bit so i do push-ups and sit-ups every night.
did i mention that i'm the most unfit girl in class?
hahahah i do care about that, and i hope i can become fitter for will run and for srgce nepal!
need to start training.... (oh the dreadful days ahead!)
hahaha~!
so yes this has been my thoughts and feelings about the past 2 months and i doubt i'll be able to blog like this anytime soon.
mid-years are in 19 days, and i will have to get serious about my work!!! (Y)
i only have one goal in mind - and that is to promote.
YES I JUST WANT TO PROMOTE!!!
i know i can do this!
work hard jamie!
let's goooooooooooooooo
