Enough is enough.

it's been accumulated for a week.
i've had enough, so i decided to let it all out here.

kind of decided that i'm going to make it known.
i'm not being attention-seeking or anything, but i really want to let you all know how i feel.
firstly, i have already come to accept reality, that i will always be different from every single one of you. EVERY ONE.
i have also come to realise that it'll never be possible to try and stop you all, and try to make everyone of you perfect.
who am i even to try and make people perfect?
i'm not that noble and great either, but i'm just doing my job.
sometimes i feel that you all know how i would feel if i saw you all like that, but just do it on purpose to provoke me...
i try so hard, but what do i get?
not only do you repeat it over and over again, but all i earn is your hatred, your annoyance and your cold shoulders.
though i've learnt to shut one eye at times, it just irks me to see it happening over and over again.
do you know why i scold you all except her?
that's because i care! I CARE!
i care as a close friend and that's why i want to help you change for the better.
if not, i would just leave you in the lurch.
shouldn't friends care for one another, tell you off strictly when you're wrong, and always be there for one another?
friends, are supposed to help you.
remember?
but you seem to take the criticism too hard.
why?
i guess all my effort's wasted.

secondly, there's one thing i completely dislike about odd numbers.
friends? cliques?
yes, there's bound to be some sort of division and pairing when it comes to that.
you have you, you have you, you have you and me?
to be honest i really feel like nothing but a stray dog that follows people home.
and i feel like an intruder, who cuts in and tries to fit in with any of your conversations.
i really wish you all could be more sensitive, or myself to try and be less sensitive.
i really feel lonely and left out.
and what i do, no one ever appreciates.
i've never seen any of you do a thank-you note for anything, or something encouraging when i've done countless of these for you all.
only when i be a thick-skinned person and ask from you all then will you do so.
come to think of it, i feel like i've sacrificed too much.
i am just being honest with myself, no offence intended.
i'm trying so hard to keep things together, but i'm the only one falling apart now.
none of you guys actually ever bother to start a conversation with me, and always scout off to some other place w/o even asking me.
always creating personal inside jokes that i will never understand or know of.
and when i don't look okay, what do you all do?
nothing.
just a casual question, i choose to say no, and you think i'm fine.
i've tolerated enough, and i think it's really about time i had let it all out.
do i ever mean anything to you guys?
or am i just some annoying, bossy, PMS-ing nobody to you?
after all that i've done, and if i'm that annoying and worthless in your eyes, then i'm sorry i think you don't deserve me.
well, if you care for me, then show it, okay!
just in case you can't understand how, some people build a wall around themselves to see who cares enough to tear them down.
i'm beyond my limits already.

i just wanna let you all know that i care a lot for you guys, but it's a constant one-way sacrifice that i've been making, and i'm very sick of that.
please, i really can't take it any longer.
if you really care for me as a friend then prove it through your actions.
i'm tired of all this drama.

my arms are tired of being the only one piecing back the fragments of our memories back together.

friendship's a two-way issue, and since one doesn't care, the other remaining party is going to experience nothing but heartaches.

.
.
.
.
.

maybe a song would better describe how i feel right now.
well, i've found one.
enjoy.



i hope you guys will understand.

It's been long.

hello my dear readers.
though i think i have none but still, i just felt like blogging today.
i mean like, yeah it's been ages.
well, term 3 started off like this.



and



and it got worse.
hahaha.
innoweek on the first week was pretty fun, cos' it was probably one of the most meaningful ones we've done so far.
the past years was just.....
bleh.
accomplished cos' we had 391 likes and counting :)
ultimate yay.
yes and my results for term 2 turned out to be terrible.
gotta buck up alot this term.
hope i don't get too busy with harp and pb stuff.

i'll be mia till............

O'S ARE OVER.
HAHAHAHAHA.
we'll see.

We're pilgrims on the journey of a narrow road.

hi everyone!
i know my blog's super dead but i'm here to revive it with something that changed my life :)
and that is service learning @ cambodia.
i'm really proud to say that i've been there and touched the lives of people, leaving footprints of faith and hope.

Day 1, 28 May



we all met at the airport at about 5.45am. seriously? it was so damn early. but anyway after the admin procedures like checking-in and so on, we took off for cambodia and reached at about 10+? we took a bus to pacific hotel, checked in, and had lunch at a restaurant that served singapore food. it was pretty good, cos' i expected we'd be having cambodian food the next couple of days. next we headed for a city tour and stopped by at a killing field. it was quite a horrifying sight, where there were excavated old clothes and skulls of the victims that died under the pol pot regime. :( it was a great eye-opener and i've learnt that we're very blessed to have a good government leading the country. after visiting the killing site, we headed off to the tuol sleng genocide museum. this really made my stomach flip, because what we saw was very unpleasant. there were portraits of the victims who were tortured, the actual equipment that was used for torture, and even dried up blood stains from the murderous torture on the floor tiles... it was really terrifying. after the not-so-pleasant sites, we headed off to the royal palace, a more cultural side of cambodia. the silver pagoda and the palace itself were absolutely stunning. at night we shopped at this place called supermall, where i bought ice-cream and pink shades! :D i <3 my pink shades ttm! after a long day we had team reflections and a small party, then headed off to dreamland! but while i was in the bathroom, gillian suddenly screamed and i got the shock of my life! she said there was a flying cockroach in the hotel room!!!! :O i came out with my shirt on and a towel wrapped over my butt hahahaha and tried to kill the roach with her.. i bet we made a ruckus ;) what drama!

Day 2, 29 May



awoke at 6am and went to the hotel lobby for breakfast. took a 3hr long bus ride to the homestay at baray district. it was a long and slowwww ride, but i managed to catch some sleep. no, actually alot. haha. when i woke up, the bus stopped for a toilet break and that was when i realised this was true village life. there were big empty and even barren fields, animals roaming around freely, and children with no clothes. when we arrived at the homestay, it was something i completely didn't imagine. we lived in huts with big big big big mosquito nets, and it was just... hmm. we met at a shelter and packed basic neccesities for the villagers then headed for lunch. then we had the pony cart ride!!! super duper fun! shared a cart with sheryl and madeline and the road was so bumpy my butt had a free massage teehee! it was really very touching cos' the kids would wave to you super enthusiastically even though you're a foreigner. we stopped by the fields and a boat-making area. a super fun and memorable ride :) <3 had dinner then night interaction! we taught the teens english, played many games with them. though there was a language barrier, nevertheless we still had loads of fun! :) team reflections then bedtime. it was gross cos' it was our first night there and we weren't used to the roaches, bugs, crickets and flies all around the toilets and everywhere. we were so scared of the 2 flying roaches in our hut too!!! but we still had a peaceful sleep :)

Day 3, 30 May



woke up for breakfast at solar cafe then headed out to the school to conduct our lessons! the kids were really very very enthusiastic in learning, and responded eagerly to everything we said. though there was a huge language barrier, the kids were really cute and repeated everything we said :P i had a terribly hard time coaching a boy sitting at the back on multiplication and division... i told him to group up 2 circles but he ended drawing me 2 circles instead. but i felt my efforts paid off seeing their enthusiasm to learn :') in the afternoon we took the packed items to the villagers where we could ask them any questions. for the first two houses it was pretty awkward cos' we didn't know what to ask. at the third house, we went up to view it and discovered much. the woman took only one month to build her house!!! we were done pretty early, so we spent pretty long waiting on the bus. had dinner and another session of night interaction and played even more games hehe! our group became pretty bonded :))) it was long and tiring day and again i slept very peacefully HAHAH.

Day 4, 31 May



breakfast @ solar cafe once again and today was hard work! headed off to pave a well right after breakfast and it was tough work. we carried heavy rocks to and fro, mixed the cement and sand together and scooped water up from the well. though i was drenched in sweat, i felt really good about myself because i felt like i was doing something meaningful for the villagers, and could improve their lives. :) though i was really worn out physically, mentally i was still alive and wanted to do more. after paving the wells, we went off to the same school again, to paint one of their buildings. first i took the small brush and painted the small corners of the windows and doors that the roller brushes couldn't reach. gradually i got quite tired and took a rest. i guess i had minor gastric pains as i was physically exhausted. after taking a quick bite and some water, i took over the job of the humongous rollers that were like 3m long. using those, i had to paint the very top of the walls! i had a very hard time doing so but i felt very accomplished after putting in all the hard work for these really eager kids :) we had lunch after that and since we completed our work way before time, we had loads of rest time and next we went for the ox cart ride :D it was another bumpy ride, with loads of ox dung everywhere. :P me, andrea, gillian and jasley shared a cart and we screamed all the way in fear of falling off and poor navigation! teehee, it was really the ride of my life. we filmed our roaming dv project here as well and the teachers were really funny :) dinnertime then again our last night interaction class :( i learnt quite alot of khmer words then too :) had an early night cos' we had our team reflection in the day! yayyyyyyy :-) dreamland! but we hogged mr lee's toilet once again hahaha!

Day 5, 1 June



breakfast when we woke up (as usual hahaha) and then we had our games carnival in the morning!!!! :-) it was cambodia's children's day that day and i was pretty hyped cos' our group put in alot of effort in planning the games :D the first group of kids that arrived didn't seem to understand the game and weren't as enthusiastic... but as more students came, their enthusiasm level was really raised to the maximum and laughed and had so much fun :) seeing them having this much fun really touched my heart :') after the carnival there was a prize presentation ceremony for the top students in each level and also a mini karaoke session hehe :) the kids were all really brave and sang really adorably! after that we had lunch, and off to the school to teach again. the english team took up too much time, and left the math group with only 30 mins to teach clock-reading! they were pretty distracted and hardly paid attention at all. we gave out our worksheets hastily and everyone of them were lost and didn't know how to do. after math lesson they had a break and i was so disappointed i teared. i felt like our efforts were wasted, i felt like we didn't do enough to help the children. however thanks to everyone who tried to comfort me <3 after a day of teaching we had dinner and then prepared for our much-awaited campfire! we sat in circles and got lightsticks for everybody! a little boy came to play with us and he sat on me and gillian. he was really cute and playful; he kept throwing the light stick near the fire! we totally got a shock and kept retrieving the light stick for him as he kept throwing it repeatedly. mr lee saw what happened and he came and 'confiscated' his light stick. the cute boy stared at mr lee in despair and disappointment - HIS FACE WAS SO SUPER CUTE :D i found out that his older brother, who was only a few years older than him, brought him here alone! we watched a couple of local dances and then our teams had to perform an item each. Awesome K2 went first and I got quite hyper after our random dancing :))) K3's shuffling was very cool too, and K5's performance was quite sweet ^^ now i'm addicted to party rock anthem hahaha! after campfire was a mini cambodian dance, where me, gillian, sheryl and madeline tried very hard to learn the dance moves haha! it was pretty fun! we gave our contacts to our night interaction group and took pictures with them :) it was pretty sad that we had to leave them... :'( i love my night interaction group!!!! <3 thanks so much for the memories :') it was our last night at khmer homestay and definitely the most memorable night. :)

Day 6, 2 June



we had our last breakfast/meal at the solar cafe. we finished up the PL board and left for phnom penh and the hotel. it was a 3hr bus ride and after checking in to the hotel, headed for lunch at the same restaurant that we had lunch on the first day. it was an afternoon of shopping at the central market and supermall (again). i bought another pair of shades, more ice cream, socks and a I <3 Cambodia tee :) through this i saw many people, and even children, begging for money. it kinda hurts to see such people living in poverty and have to resort to such ways and means... may god bless them and touch their hearts. after shopping we had a big big big surprise!! our celebration dinner was on a boat!!!!!!! :) boat ride ftw <3 had a great dinner and bonding time with the same party gang and then had separate team reflections. K2 also celebrated papa's birthday with a surprise cake and present from some of the K2-ers :-) papa was really touched and it was indeed a night of celebration. we exchanged cards and wrote for one another and continued doing so in the hotel. the teachers also surprised us with coconut drinks and ice-cream! thank you teachers :D when we were all done with team reflections, we partied in one another's rooms and we stayed up till 2am :P it was definitely a night to remember <3

Day 7, 3 June



had good breakfast of eggs and sausages in the hotel lobby. left for the airport at about 7.45am and before we knew it, we were on the plane back to singapore. :'( it was really a touching moment when we left cambodia as our heart was filled with so much pleasant memories. plane food was (y) btw ;-)



i've learnt so much from this trip. happiness is really simple. all you have to do is be contented with whatever you have and don't always bear grudges or complain. sometimes it's not about whether you have the latest gadgets, or the most amount of money, but it's more of making full use of whatever you have and being happy with it. learning to count our blessings and being thankful for whatever you have suddenly seems so meaningful after this service learning trip. there are so many people out there who are so much more unfortunate than you are... i thank god for whatever i have, and may whatever i have done bless and inspire the people out there in cambodia as well. i am very grateful for this amazing opportunity <3

I miss the hotel and hut stays. I miss swatting off bugs and insects off each other's shirts. I miss the delicious food at Solar Cafe. I miss my night interaction group. I miss the enthusiasm of the little children. I miss painting and paving wells. I miss sweating till we had salt marks. I miss tucking in the mosquito nets properly before sleeping. I miss looking after kids at the campfire. I miss K2's Flea Fly cheer. I miss avoiding cow dung. I miss the late-night insect-infested team reflections. I miss long bus rides. I miss screaming at insects and toads. I miss our late-night parties. I miss buying ice cream and shades at the mall. I miss waving at the children on the cart rides. I miss FIS Cambodia (Baray) 2011! <3

♥♥♥

Some days stay gold forever.

Tag replies:

03/04
Hazel: Okay!

after months of hard work.
scoldings,
blisters,
tears,
blood,
headaches,
butt aches (from sitting on chairs for too long),
laughter,
pain,
devotion,
countless practices,
nags,
sore arms and fingers,
rehearsals,
fear,
uncertainty,
and everything else we've been through.

As a harp ensemble, we've achieved much together as one, and I'm proud to say that we have achieved a Gold award for the SYF Central Judging 2011! :)
Whatever we've gone through, it was worth it, all worth it.
Thanks for all the support and encouragement from everyone, it was truly a great learning process that I've undergone.
I LOVE HARP <3

xoxo

Let's not think about tomorrow.

Tag replies:

26/03
Mooze: OI HAHAHA HI you're Seow Chien isit!!! LOL how you find my blog? ;) STALK ME RIGHT!

hello!
today's a sunday and i feel like crap.
can somebody tell me why the weekends pass so quickly while minutes in the classroom on weekdays tick away super slowly?
life's a bore, a great bore.
just when i'm about to take a break from this fast-paced world, suddenly a whole pile of work comes crawling up to me.
and that sucks, alot.
anyway i'm happy that i got into the syf team ^^
just hope we would get a gwh this year!
pl cherubs will make history!!!! :-)
okay........
to be honest, i have loads to blog about.
it's just that i don't have the time and that i can't express my feelings well enough for you people to understand.
it's like a one-time off when my thoughts hit me hard, but the next thing i know, is that it just disappears.
sigh.
what a life i have.

and just so you know,
power-hungry people creep me out.

#justsaying

Voyage Synapse 2011 ♥

Tag replies:

23/11
Lisa: Okay linked!! :)

Abigail: Hi Abigail <3

"HEY GIRLS!"
hahahahaha that epic line.
from someone off Youtube heehee ;)
inside jokes ftw.

i'm gonna blog about synapse nowww.
i know it's a lil' late but yeah, i'll probably blog in text and then let pictures do the talking.
after all, a picture paints a thousand words huh? :)

so anyway, we started off the day with group intros!
but before that we had dry runs and everything, like the day before.
honestly, it was a waste of time cos' i sat at my station doing nothing.
and my acsbr partner didn't come too...
so i ended up sitting there stoning for 2.5hrs.
LIKE WHAT!
i could have used that time to do my character log book.
but oh well, the fun on the actual day paid off. ;)

so we had group intros right? yeah, and we played icebreakers like blow wind blow, whacko, cat and mouse etc.
we played some of these games with group 7 and got to know some of them better :)
so after those icebreakers we had sharing sessions and games!
the umbrella and water game was funfunfunfun!
hahaha *rebecca black*.
ok nvm lolllllllll back to topic.
the egg-balancing game was pretty easy but gross cos' it was tough to avoid the smashed eggs on the floor haha!
after that was lunch and we had like this gender separation rofl :P
all the boys at one table, all the girls at the other!
during lunch i went off with sean to set up our stations outside the auditorium.
at first it was pretty awkward with all the 'thanks' and 'welcomes', but after awhile we got used to our routines and all haha.
and i can't believe he's sec 2!
i thought he was sec 3 all the time...
hmm.
guess there was congestion at the end cos' groups got mixed up with their stations.
and i think the mascot group 7 did was really funny :)
they made a mascot out of one of their group members and wrapped up his leg and all hahaha!
after this whole 'amazing race', we had an auction for the egg game and group 10 bought nothing!!!! :O
then the exco decided to take pity on us by letting us buy a box full of EVERYTHING that we needed to wrap our egg around with and yet sustain the pressure when dropped from a height.
hehehe so we started 'cracking' - as in get to work la, not crack our egg hahahaha (y)
what a pun.
ahem so anyway, we stuffed the egg in millions of plastic bags and wrapped it around an infinity layer of newspapers, with hopes that it would definitely not break cos' we had one of the biggest packages! :D
so after dinner (this time we sat as a whole group), we proceeded with the egg-drop, and when we retrieved ours, sadly, it broke.
must be because we were too rough when wrapping it up :/
but oh well group 10 ftw still :)
after the egg game we had a couple of games in the hall like the limbo, 'who has the...' game, the mini talent show etc. haha!
had loads of great laughs :)
OH AND THE CHICKEN HEAD GAME TOO! :P
the guys were super funny!!
haha :)
not that i'm poking fun at them or what but yeah.
so after all that fun and games we had a group photo before leaving for the finale at the tennis court.
we had to light up candles and form the words 'voyage synapse'.
took some pics and then group 10 was being a LITTLE BIT naughtier than others - we went for a night tour :D
COOL RIGHTTT!
we went to the darkest corners of the school and even heard dogs barking.
kinda creepy cos' i slipped twice...
oh well haha then after that we got called back :O
had a short debrief and a synapse photo-taking session with everyone gathered around the candles :)
awesome moment and plus the moon was uber bright that night! :D
when we got back to the auditorium, we bade our last farewells by collecting our souvenirs and sweets.
not to forget the encouragement cards as well :)
really cool!
love synapse 2011 ♥ (group 10 :D)
hehehe.
pictures!



photo credits to keely, lex and timothy :)

venturing onwards, yearning adventure, gaining experience. :)

♥

Instax Polaroid Films :)

hey guys. :)
long time no blog haha.
btw, happy birthday sheryl! :)
sorry for spamming your camera...
:D

hehehe actually i have alot of things to blog about but time ain't permitting me to do so.
i'll probably just touch on one of the topics for now.

sometimes, this is the real world.
like what people always say, 'fight for your rights'.
really?
i guess some people are fighting too hard for something they do not actually deserve, like they think they'd get it.
but somehow, eventually, they always win.
leaving the wounded, hurt and upset behind.
oh well.
that's life.
unfair.

bye.

All you ever wanted.

hi peeps.
i'm too lazy/busy to blog.
srsly i've been so busy with school.
exams are over, but there's again SO MANY OTHER COURSES AND CCA SESSIONS.
SIGH.
I WANT TO GET INTO SYF, PLEASE, LET ME :(

Here are my results for Term 1 btw.

English B4
Chinese B3
E Math A1
A Math A2
Chemistry C5
Biology C6
History A2
Combined Humans (E Lit/SS) B3

bad bad bad.

x.x

Temporary freedom!

hi everyone :)
as you all can see i haven't blogged for a month :p
and i've finally had the chance to sit in front of the computer and clicked 'blogger.com' :)
okay so i'll cover various aspects of my stressful life that i've gone through for the past month.

Common Tests
bleah. i don't even wanna talk about it. no a1s this term i can bet. :( i screwed up practically everything, especially chem and bio. idw to be put on probation :'( please god, help me.

CCA
i've already memorised my songs for syf, the only thing i'm concerned is that i screw up during the audition and then i cmi. i really really really want to get into syf, not just for the cca points, but because it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. and i do hope all the harpists who deserve it make it to the performing team ♥ :) pl cherubs ftw, let's get gwh this year!

i'll blog about the sad stuff sometime soon.
kthxbye.

I'm not perfect.

Tag replies:

30/1
Yeewah: Hahaha yeah ;)

seriously.
sometimes i guess i really wonder about things too much.
but this time, i've had enough.
i know i should be taking this time to complete my work/study for common tests.
but i just needed a break, both physically and mentally.

school's already putting me off so much, and you still have the cheek to show me that stupid attitude of yours.
i'm trying to be nice to you, but all you know how to do is give me that annoying face of yours.
i'm helping you so much already, and you don't even appreciate one single bit of it.
don't come crying to me one day when you need me.
who asked you to take my help for granted.
seriously, can't you just learn to be independent and stop relying on others to provide you everything.
and without even working for it, you get rewarded pretty well.
you always put on your stupid annoying attitude, stop acting like you're the best k.
this world's just so unfair, this statement's so true.
please change your attitude, cos' from the start, though i've been trying to help you, but now i've run out of patience.
and it's not like you appreciate my help.

it's got me thinking about something else too.
i asked myself this question yesterday - just how many true friends do i have?
i define true friends as people who stand by each other no matter what, people who help each other selflessly, people who understand each other inside out, people who i can really have fun with, people who just, well, are nice-loving.
it's hard to put it in words, but i'm sure you get the big picture.
and i counted, i have 9.
like... you kidding me, seriously?
9?
right, so maybe, after all i do only have 9 true friends.

fine.
maybe i'm not as talkative, lively, responsive and involved in your secret little conversations and jokes as other people are.
but it's just that some of you don't know me well enough!
can't you just accept me as who i am?
i'm tired of trying to change for you.
i'm not your toy.

i'm tired of doing everything for everyone, tired of always being the one making sacrifices, tired of always being the one getting hurt, tired of being the one you talk to only when you have no one else, tired of being used, tired of constantly putting on a brave front, tired of being the goody-goody kid, tired of a one-way friendship, tired of being someone whom i'm not, tired of making changes to myself just to suit your needs, i'm just so tired.

You know what's wrong with being too strong? Nobody bothers to ask if you're okay.