the perks of solitude

recently been going out everyday, alone, to the library just to get work done.
really gotta get down to focusing on my work this holidays and i guess some sacrifices have to be made.
it was not entirely an easy decision for me to head out all on my own to concentrate on my work; it really took me so much willpower to do everything from waking up at 8am in the morning just to reach the library early to get a good seat, having lunch and dinner alone, gathering the guts to camp at starbucks this once, and basically just learning to be independent.
come on, i'm a 17-year-old, it's high time i ought to learn to do certain things in solitude or just learn to be alone.
and i've come to realize that it isn't such a bad idea after all.
i actually really enjoy studying alone because i get the quiet time to myself and i actually have the space, freedom and independence to do whatever i want.
kinda hate meeting people to study not because there is a risk of distractions, but more of the fact that because i am never punctual and then that guilt that follows straight after being late is just ....
i don't have to be tied down by time and seriously, it becomes an own-time-own-target kinda situation, which i like because i don't perform under pressure, at all. this lesson i have clearly learnt at o's.
being alone also means that i get the freedom to decide where i want to go and what i want to eat.
it sometimes is tiring to accommodate one another and really, being around with people would mean that your work efficiency would be cut by more than half. (tried and tested)
it's like that day (or rather many days) i've studied alone at bedok nlb, decided swiftly on lunch and returned to the library in 30 mins.
maybe the speed that i ate at was hastened too partly because i'm alone and sometimes your belongings being left unattended might not be entirely safe.
but still that is an evident plus point of mugging outside on my own.
also, i like to set out a list of things to do for that day and get it done no matter what, and sometimes it really irks me whenever i cannot finish that checklist because there will always be that one, last anal question on organic chemistry you just don't feel like doing or that damn math paper that you've attempted but left almost half of it blank (and you can't really consider it to be "done" because of the mountain load of blanks you've left)...
but now when i'm out alone i kinda always adhere to this timing of packing up at 4pm.
packing up at 4pm means that gives me a buffer time of 1 hour to go wherever i want to and do whatever i want.
last i checked, i went to walk around bedok mall and grabbed some clothes and i also borrowed a couple of books from the library since i didn't really want to head home that early (well that's an absolute first for me).
once i get home i'd stick to my usual daily pilates routine and then go for a 30-min jog around my neighbourhood! :-)
it sounds like a really ideal plan and i hope that i can stick to this for the week ahead.
we're down to the final week of the one-month break and once school starts, shit is going to get real.
really real.
going to make the very best out of this one week and catch up with whatever that i've lost midway.
it's might not be an easy battle but i know i will fight my hardest.
in the end it all boils down to you, alone, and how well you will tackle this common enemy of ours.
so i guess it's baby steps towards solitude, and just learning to do shit alone.
by the way i am not trying to blow my trumpet about this being some super effective, foolproof "schedule" of mine and that you'll think with this "motivation" of mine i am going to be so driven forward and "definitely going to produce some standard of results".
no i did not intentionally create this kind of expectation of me that you might start to have, because all i know is that this new routine is helping me so much more.
not in terms of academics because i cannot guarantee straight a's because i am obviously lacking in some capacity of intelligence, but the fact that i am becoming a happier person.
i guess i've found the way to get work done without becoming stressed or pressured by the fact that the content is immense.
i'm making time for life and the things i like to do (i.e. watching running man every night and fangirling because kwangsoo hehehe).
i'm pretty sure there is more to life than mere studying, so just don't think too much, and everything will turn out fine. xx
keep going guys we're all in this together ;-)

this hope shall anchor my soul

spent 7 hours in the library today trying to complete my agenda for today, which was more homework.

productivity was at its peak today and i'm really happy for that!!!

ticked off 3 things from the homework list and yay that's a step closer to whacking that pile down and starting on revision.

150+ days left to a levels, which means only 19 fridays left.

19. wow. that's a scarily surreal number.

don't know if i'll ever make it at this rate i'm going but, i will do my best (screw the school and their nonsense about us merely claiming to put in our best effort)

-

i don't know but have you ever felt like you are losing it all?

well i do.

it's like suddenly everything is so difficult, so hard-pressed, so insane.

i feel like i'm losing sight of where i'm headed, and not only so, but i feel like i'm like i'm losing myself, as a person too.

i can feel my personal self eroding; i am so tired of doing things for people when sometimes they don't really appreciate it.

i think sometimes i really spend too much time on stupid things.

stupid things that aren't even worth my time and effort.

maybe i value love too much.

not that kind of romantic love but the caring love.

the kind that you find joy in seeing someone else happy.

but why?

i'm slowly losing the motivation to carry on, to continue to be that encourager.

obviously i am not having it any easier myself, but i'm human too, and i get tired as well.

is it wrong for me to need that bit of encouragement too?

seriously the only reason why i am frantically typing everything here is because i think everyone is as equally bogged down by their own set of problems to be even caring about mine.

what's more it's such a crucial year of a's, who the shit will care about emotions?

it is really both a blessing and curse to feel everything so, so deeply.

and i really wished i could emotionally detach myself from people and things.

but i can feel it coming already, this change.

i'm starting to feel like i can always be alone.

i'm slowly accepting the times of solitude and quietness when i'm alone.

one half of me is saying that but yet another half is silently whispering to me otherwise.

am i even making any sense so far? i think this stress is seriously getting into my head.

i'm sorry to my family whom i kinda expressed my dissatisfaction rather strongly at, whom have always been worried about my whereabouts because i keep disappearing out to study in the day and only returning at night.

i'm sorry i am such a selfish individual that only knows how to put my own interests first (i.e. studies and friends) and all you guys can do is to watch me be set free by my own desires.

i'm sorry that i haven't been spending a lot of time at home, but really, studying outside is really the best for me.

i'm sorry that i have always been such a letdown as much as i try. i know you never blame me for not producing results and even just affirm me for simply doing my best, but honestly the amount of time and devotion and encouragement you have lavished on me isn't proportional to the kind of results i am producing and seriously i can't help but feel like i am a letdown.

i'm sorry to my friends if i haven't been the best one around, that i haven't been someone worthy of your time and company.

i'm sorry that i don't know how to help you all when you guys need help, i myself am at a loss, if i can't even save myself how am i going to help you?

i'm sorry for being this much of a failure in life, i don't even know what i'm good at.

there are people out there who are capable at something; they can dance, they can sing, they can cook, they can draw, they can play an instrument, they can do something at least, with their lives.

and then you have me over here who doesn't seem to have a direction in life.

there's really nothing i can do exceptionally well.

i don't know what is hampering my footsteps in dreaming big and achieving it.

i guess i lack some confidence and that i am always held back by my emotions.

i am TT__TT so much right now i don't even know where to begin again.

but i will always bear this in mind.

let this be the hope that shall anchor my soul.

concert and cafes

it has been a really hectic month but i have finally cleared mid-years!!!
nothing much to be happy about because the results are pretty damn shit and so is the mood right now.
oh well.
nonetheless i had a great week of post-exam de-stressing sessions and i must say it was a good break that followed from the mye crazies.
this week i visited about 4 cafes and i'm definitely one happy kid now.
really putting the 'hopping' into the much-raved-about 'cafe-hopping' ;)

REAL FOOD



so i visited this place on monday after our holiday lessons with vanessa!
as its name suggests, real food is a place that serves nothing but the best foods because it is prepared with a great deal of passion all in the effort of healthy/green eating.
what makes this place stand out from the rest is that it is a meat-free place, and everything is healthily and carefully prepared with vegetables or flour-based ingredients.
this is the place to visit if you are a conscious eater or either that you want to try eating cleanly for a meal! ;-)
i must say that this place is pretty good because the menu still offers a wide variety of different options ranging from all-day breakfast to sandwiches to main courses like pasta and pizza!
i decided on the kombu shiitake soup with udon while vanessa had dumpling soup with brown rice.
the price was rather pocket-friendly as there was no service-charge (or was it gst ahahaha i forgot) so we paid less than $10 each for what we ate :-)
my soup was pretty bland but i guess that's what you get for wanting to eat really healthily.
but the dumplings were really good and for something that does not contain meat i swear, the juice from the 10-over ingredients in the dumplings just makes it oooh-la-la!!!
and i am not even a fan of dumplings...
so go ahead and pop by real food if you'd like to dine out because this is really a healthier option!

LOLA'S CAFE



not my first time here but tuesday was my virgin try at its desserts and appetisers there with nigel and xiaohui!
ordered their iced mocha; nothing impressive but it was okay because i didn't like my coffee too strong and this one was pretty chocolate-y and bitter rather than aromatic.
so don't try this if you like your coffee thick and strong!!!
the honey wings we shared were so damn good i'm not even exaggerating, it was something unique that i've never tried before and they were pretty generous with the honey so yay!!! :)
the bangers & mash were cooked to perfection especially the potatoes because they were so fresh you could even taste the real potato bits in 'em!
tried the seasalt chocolate tart with coffee cream and yeah this was pretty good because the tart crust and the bitter chocolate went really well together. the cream wasn't too frothy and thick and gross so yay for that!
the lemon meringue tart was rather ordinary to me and i'm not exactly a sucker for those dried lemon peels on top hahaha. tasted pretty weird to me.

popped by again the next day during our 4.5h break to have brunch with jennee, vanessa and gina here!
pretty annoyed because we waited for an hour or so just to get our seats...
but it was rather amusing because we got to judge the people who were sitting outdoors hahaha. #meanshit

wanted to try the mushroom melt for a very long time already so i finally ordered this!!!

LOOK AT THE MUSHROOM, CHEESE AND BRIOCHE BREAD GOODNESS.
i swear the brioche bread is amazing and in fact amazing is an understatement.
the natural sweetness of the brioche accompanied by the salty mushroom and cheese made it so perfect.
the portion is pretty generous and it kept me full for really long and that i didn't even have dinner!
this is really a to-die-for must-try item on the menu and i will definitely return to order this again!!!!!
super super super lip-smacking that you can't get enough.
dreaming of the brioche now.....

BACKSTAGE CAFE



this has become my new favourite place after a long and hard hunt for this!!!
always wanted to try this because i've read really good reviews about it and yay the day finally came!
the menu laid out such a wide spread for us and we were all spoiled for choice.
i ordered the chicken burger thing (top right, can't remember the exact name) for $13 and it seriously exceeded my expectations.
anyway recently i don't know why but i keep ordering burgers though i don't like 'em and the fries but meh i think i'm starting to fall in love with burgers simply because of the bread. :P
so, with the mindset of i-just-want-to-eat-bread-so-i-will-just-buy-the-burger i did not expect that the chicken fillet inside was so tender and delicious!!!!
it was not like the kind of cheap, ground-up meat you'd usually get but i could taste the sweet sauces exploding from the careful marination of the meat!!!
shan't comment on the fries because all fries taste the same to me...
had dessert and tried their rainbow cake as well as the oreo cheesecake.
i really really enjoyed the oreo cheesecake omg it is too good beyond description.
however i feel that the rainbow cake was too dense, or should i say it's aesthetic appeal overran the texture of real sponge cake.
it was a tad too moist and tbh i think any amateur baker can bake a cake better than that.
but yeah, maybe that's what rainbow cakes are; pretty-looking but average-tasting.
definitely going to come back because the place is so peaceful and quiet and actually i didn't wanna write about this place because i secretly don't want it to become popular and lose its ambience ahahahahaha oops.

SETTLER'S CAFE



(okay the photo is inverted but who cares)
tried this on friday in place of shoebox canteen because it was unknowingly closed :(
was a little disappointed because i really wanted to try the shoebox canteen!
settled (ha ha ha) with this alternative; settler's cafe and honestly i didn't regret it anymore ;)
the prices are mad-cheap and students get additional discounts!!!
we paid $25 for 3 people and this was including a main course, soup and drink each.
it's actually a gaming cafe with 600 over games to choose from but the games come at a different rate.
service was thumbs-up as the guy was really friendly and patient with us as we were placing our orders :)
the only setback here is that they don't have much desserts and if they served something like waffles or cakes or tarts i'm sure the sweet-tooth will come flocking in!
overall i really enjoyed this place as the food was really good (the mushroom soup is seriously heaven) and the service was really warm.
going to come back here again on monday!!!!
super good place to just chill-out and catch-up with your pals!

so that's about it for my cafe review.
moving on to the much-anticipated concert that i've been awaiting since mye's!!!

WE THE KINGS - THE ART OF TOUR



decided to buy tickets for the art of tour because i really loved their new album.
art of war never gets old, find you there is my happy pill, sad song is for the times when you are seriously feeling sad, say it now is my occasional need-to-listen-to song and etc.
glad that i managed to here those songs live along with any other way and i like it ;)
they played classics like check yes juliet and skyway avenue too omg :)))
but personally i felt that my $88 was not as well-spent as i thought it would be.
firstly, too much of the singing was left to the crowd.
not a personal attack to the band or anything but, honestly they could do with so much more of their powerhouse vocals rather than leaving it to the audience to spoil by singing it off-pitch.
seriously they have super good voices live but the frequent pauses and amplification of the audience's mesmerized chanting was just too much.
i swear check yes juliet, half the singing was done by the crowd and it was pretty much a big bummer.
really annoying as heck too because the crowd was a piece of rowdy shit.
the people were generally of a younger age group than ours and some were rude as shit and shouted like a bitch at the people around.
oh hell no this is a concert it is so not normal for the pushing to happen -_-
i swear i wanted so much to slap some of these people...
furthermore i was just this close to witnessing a physical cat fight between a group of girls who were fighting over the drumstick that they threw.
yeah i know you are a diehard crazy fan and that i'm not, but seriously all that pushing and shouting was seriously uncalled for.
all your reputation has gone down the drain, girl.

secondly, the acoustics were LEGIT SHIT.
the venue was quite crappy (it was at the coliseum) and also i think because the sound crew screwed up a lot.
so much for trying to fine-tune the drums and guitars but honestly it was quite pissing because the drums and bass were way too heavy.
it completely drowned out the vocals and the videos i recorded, you can't even hear travis singing.
i know you shouldn''t record videos as it'll spoil the mood but seriously, you can't even hear travis' voice live.
all you can hear is the overweighted pounding of the drums which seriously gave me a headache.
sighpie.
maybe because i've been to simple plan's concert (which was bloody bloody good) that's why i've raised the bar for my expectations this concert.
oh well.

nonetheless i do not mean any offence but honestly if the acoustics were better balanced the concert would have been perfect.
not depriving we the kings of their amazing talent live, but really, everything dampened all thanks to the poor sound management.
but i still had a good time anyway, and thank you we the kings for being here in singapore to deliver the best concert that you could have :-)

"without you i feel broke, like i'm half of a whole.

without you, i've got no hand to hold.

without you i feel torn, like a sail in a storm.

without you, i'm just a sad song."

xoxo

halfway through midyears // pinterest is love

so yes today marks the end of week 2 (or should i say 1) of the mid-year exams!!!!
i'm already semi-partying hahaha.
it doesn't really feel like the exams because ever since conquering 3 in a day last friday (gp x2 and bio paper 2) i felt like i could do anything in the world hahahahaha.
and also most of my papers are in the afternoon so... the fact that there's the mornings free for you to study or slack or sleep makes you feel like a chill.
so yeah this week is down and another full subject (chem), math paper 2 and bio paper 1 next week to fight head-on with!
i will work hard and do my best, but then saying that comes with potential risks because i keep finding new addictions to feed my boredom...

firstly it was doodle find, which i finally broke my record by 1000 points after like a year.... YAY.
but the thing is that i am always this close to a new high score by like one damn doodle away.
so i'm getting quite frustrated at myself hahahaha.
time to chuck that damn game aside and make way for my newfound-love....... pinterest!!!!



ah. that motto quintessentially captures the essence of pinterest.
anyway, so what on earth is pinterest?
well basically to me it's like tumblr, twitter, instagram and weheartit all-in-one!
instagram for it's aesthetically appealing visuals minus the meaningless low-quality shots that occasionally appear on your feed.
twitter for it's rapid sharing and networking characteristic because it links from soooooo many websites out there on the net.
tumblr for it's quality photos accompanied with beautiful quotes without the mainstream-ness.
and weheartit for its super user-friendly application that allows you to save pictures to your camera roll etc.

i think what makes pinterest so addictive (for me) is because of it's customization.
your profile is really what you are, because it showcases photos that pander to your interest or even on a more profound level, speak to your heart.
you get to pick what you want to show the world, and because this proliferation of social media has made us become even lazier people, the very edge that pinterest has over the rest of the social media networks is that you are not compelled to post anything to "keep up with your follower count" (like instagram).
being a 4-hour old pinterester, what i've been doing is that i'm merely "stealing" people's pins and pinning them to my own boards, and that other people can actually follow my boards if they like my "collection" too.
haven't uploaded anything worthy of mention on it yet, and correct me if i'm wrong, but honestly i feel it doesn't matter whether you post anything or not.
okay maybe because i'm a newbie and i follow no one and neither does anyone follow me.
anyway back to the point of customization, you get to choose from the categories that pique your interest, and for me that would be quotable quotes, flowers, bread, ummm trivia, home & decor etc. etc.
and once you start pinning such photos to your boards pinterest filters your homepage for you such that you get to view similar images.
pinterest is so darn amazing i can't even; it's like your online camera roll where you store all your favourites simply because your phone just doesn't have all the space to do so.
this is really a one-stop place for great inspiration and ideas to your next project, as it's advert tagline suggests.

so guys please do try out pinterest because i seriously think it will change your life!!!!!!
usability: 10/10
sociability (since it is well after all a social networking site): 8/10 (though there's this comment section but hardly anyone uses it i guess so there's lesser connectivity)
addictiveness: 1000/10 (warning: i am a current living example of a distracted individual) 

follow me on pinterest if you can too ;) @jellytrucks 

i really really really enjoy using pinterest (and have been for the past 4 hours) and obviously there is some risk of such pronouncements because mid-years are obviously nowhere near from its end...
oh well.
let's hope (no wait i shall) put the next two days to good use and do my best to prepare for chem!!!!
was supposed to finish up chemical bonding today but meh those 4 hours were diverted to pinning photos down sigh.
but oh well, at least my eyes are satisfied now :-)

hello to the pinterest creator if you ever chance upon this just know that i am really thankful and amazed at the development of this awesome site!!!!!! (will you pay me for this advertisement ok i am obviously kidding hahahahaha but yes this is all done out of love and appreciation ahahahaha thank you!!!)

^ i sound like some diehard fan going crazy over some boyband. oops.

losing focus

i swear this is me right now.

i. cannot. freaking. focus.

i don't even know why!!!!!

it's like i would do anything but study.

i can just nua on my bed doing nothing, or stare into blank space at nothing.

i would do anything and everything, i even went to play icy tower on facebook because i was just so freaking tired of studying (which was when i found out that there is no more restaurant city on fb too).

my attention span is like less than 3 minutes before i pick up my phone again.

so damn tired of studying already omg, i know it's the mid-year exam period and i shouldn't be losing my motivation at times like this, but really i cannot help it.

i think coming to jc has really made me develop a hate for studying.

i used to not mind mugging in secondary school, but now in jc it's a whole different story.

jc makes you feel really stupid, like a pea.

gross.

aiya i just hope i get through mid-years and improve a little from common tests.

mye's start this friday with gp and freaking bio omg????!!!!!?!?!?!!?

there's study leave tmrw, but i'm not sure if i should go to the airport to study?

but if yes that means i have to lug all my bio crap over there and that includes one fat file of lecture notes + books plus the damn ten-year series which i think is at least 500 pages thick.

omg how how how or should i go for half a day and come back home after lunch to memorize content b'cos i can't do it outside?

but i cannot focus at home i swear omg.

sucks to be me.

how how how how what should i do tmr/where should i study tmr!!!! :(

two thirty-nine a.m.

because i will get through this.

with mid-years in a week, and all these weird hazy feelings coming out of nowhere...

i will survive.

random midnight rant like as though there is no school tomorrow

sometimes people really annoy me.
not that i am infallible and perfect, but seriously people really have issues.
i can't believe i was once intrigued by the study of human behaviour and psychology.
now i'm just like seriously screw you okay, i don't give a damn about anything related to humans and people and mankind and homosapiens because i freaking swear i hate people.
you get it?
i don't HATE anyone in particular okay, but people in general.
how people do things.
how people behave.
how people respond.
how people talk.
how people treat others (of their kind).
how people act.

i swear we humans are nothing but problems.
so much for being the most civilized group of living creatures that inhabit this earth.
sometimes i think even a dog knows how to behave better than humans when given the command.
we prestige ourselves to be the most sophisticated, mannered, poised and whatnot but just look at the kind of behaviours we exhibit ourselves as humans.

first and foremost i think we are seriously selfish.
selfish in the sense that we are so accustomed to thinking that "this world revolves around me and me alone so i am not going to care about the others because as long as i survive that's all that matters".
we can never seem to put others before ourselves (even while typing this very sentence i screwed up the order of typing by accident and out came "put ourselves before others", just proved my point).
nor do we actually make the effort to.
so much for raising ourselves on a pedestal and crowning ourselves with the titles of kindness and compassion when we don't even spare a thought for others when we do things.
it's not entirely radical in that sense, but think about it.
how much are you willing to forgo for someone?
how much are you going to sacrifice for someone?
each person has their own boundaries depending on the person in context, but undoubtedly there is still a line drawn between the distance we will go for someone, no matter how important they are to us.

secondly humans lack respect.
and when i mean respect i mean basic manners like "good morning", "hello", "please" and "thank you".
i admit that i myself am not entirely well-mannered nor am i some prim and proper princess who curtsies to everyone i see out there.
i don't understand why and this is the one thing that infuriates me most about people - the fact that you show no due respect to your own kind.
i mean seriously, i think animals exhibit better behaviour than we do.
do you ever see a puppy barking (or whimpering for that matter) back at its mother?
obviously not right.
i don't know where we got our defiance from, but seriously we are not that cool if you think about it.
being human and humane are so close yet so far apart.
i mean who can't be human? we are ALL human anyway.
but being humane, merely requires the addition of just an 'e', is something we are far from attaining as humans.
our words cut each other like knives slitting through our throats, our actions hurt each other like open wounds after a battle.
who cares a hoot about how we all feel?
"as long as i can live, i will fight my way through, fight for it and fight against them.." - this has become the modern-day adage of humans.
we are so self-centered and disrespectful it disgusts me.
so much for reverence.

thirdly humans are far too extreme.
we come in so many different forms it's never possible to reach a conclusion.
some are too domineering and some are too quiet.
let the domineering bitch conquer you? no way in hell can you ever command the respect of your peers.
let the softspoken little girl conquer you? no way in hell can you ever get things done.
so what??????????
who do i choose?
the fact that it is the natural convention of two extreme sides "yes" and "no".
and in the human world you can only say yes or no with no intermediate in between accepted as an answer.

lastly humans are hypocrites through and through.
and this revolves back to the fact that we are all selfish.
we care about superficial things like our image and all rather than bothering to strengthen the inter-personal bonds.
it's like how friends are just people with common interests.
after you know what it feels like to not have each other for so long you just give up and move on and find someone else new.
sometimes friends are never true friends simply because we depend on each other for that moment in time when we just need "anyone" to be there.
i have such a warped perception of friendship now but who the hell cares.

anyway today i've also learnt that there are some things that are just meant to be.
it's fate you can say, and we shouldn't force things to go against its natural flow.
i believe that what is yours will rightfully be yours.
personally i'm the kind to fight for what i believe is right but not for the things that i think i deserve.
contradictory and sad at the same time.
doesn't really matter i guess because i believe my life has already been planned out for me (i'm not christian btw) and i will just accept, learn, and grow in whatever way i can. xx

count your blessings

it's been so long since i've been here.
amidst the downs of life it is only human to say thank you and be grateful for the little things and the great people who have been there for you throughout.
it might not be anything big but yes it's always these things that matter the most :-)

1) gold for gef 2014

we are so so so blessed :')
no amount of thanks can i put into this because our hard work as individuals and a group have really paid off.
seeing the section practise so hard and coming to where they are today really makes me feel so heartened and growing together as one really made me feel like the hard work for the ensemble is worth it.
especially everytime i think of my section i feel like a proud mom lol.
weird, long-overdue feels but yeah.
exco deserves all the love and appreciation too, for all the effort that they've put in to make gef a success.
our student conductors nigel & jasley deserve great recognition too :-)
and rouz for getting by all sorts of weird happenings during practices (i.e.: STANDards, playing wrong notes etc.) with me :)

^ this is to date my favourite exco photo *inserts hearts for all of you*

thanks guys i love y'all so so so so much :)

it's that same feeling how i know i will always have my excofam behind me whenever i am feeling disheartened.

it's the constant reassurance that i get from you guys that really keep me going in jc despite all the shit that i'm facing (mainly academics).

thank you guys i really appreciate it a lot :')

2) the pl-sr morning gatherings

it may not be big, but thank you guys for starting my mornings right.

it feels weird not to gather with y'all, it's like as though you guys are the last bit of my memories of secondary school.

life really sucks but then again you always know that the fond reminiscence of the past will always ignite that little warmth in your heart to fuel you to get through the daily motions of mundaneness.

i hope these little morning meet-ups mean quite a lot to you guys too - especially since we still celebrate each others birthdays and (used to) fight for our morning bench but failing so we ended up getting displaced eh.

3) my family

i really have the best family one could ever ask for.

i have really understanding parents and an intelligent and talented younger sister.

they are the ones who keep me going at times when my school life gets tough.

the encouragements don't cease despite doing so badly for common tests.

thanks mom and dad, though i might not say it but i really am very thankful for you all.

i know i can be temperamental and snappy and that at times i don't say much but really, nothing can replace family in this world because your love for me goes way beyond the mere superficial needs.

it's sad how our car rides and dinner tables have turned a lot quieter (especially because i'm in this growing up phase), but please know that i am not any less than thankful for you both and jan. :-)

you both are really the role models of my life and seeing you all work so hard for the family and grandparents only deepens my respect for you.

thanks mom and dad you are the best :')

and then there's my grandparents who've taught me so much this month.

first, the value of life.

seeing my grandpa struggle to battle multiple illnesses for a whole month but yet conquered and is now on the road to speedy recovery makes me cherish them even more.

seeing my parents rush over to the hospital day in day out to visit him and yet i could only visit once a week and merely ask them everyday "how's grandpa?".

seeing my grandpa on a sunday afternoon barely able to open his eyes with all the tubes wired around him and being in no position to read the get-well card i wrote for him.

all these little heart-wrenching moments over this past month has really taught me to cherish life, and my grandparents too.

they're not young anymore, and i ought to show my appreciation while i can :-)

so so so so thankful that grandpa is well on his way to recovering!!!!

:')

second, love.

my grandma, immediately upon hearing that my grandpa was well enough to eat solid foods again, cooked up a simple yet lovely meal for him and brought it to the hospital.

and how she would make him finish the food even though he claimed he was "full" and had to feed him the remaining mouthfuls.

they might bicker on a daily basis and there's always this "aggressive" scoldings my grandma gives but then again you know that's love.

nothing big, but so beautiful and priceless :')

4) my playlist

music is really food for the soul.

i love listening to music all day every day.

so grateful for the latest/mentionable additions to my baby: sweater weather, come back home, charlie brown, treasure, find you there, art of war, demons, learning to fall.

thanks for keeping me going especially when i'm faced with giants like freaking organic chemistry or like bloody foreign exchange rates that don't make much sense to me at all.

5) pw results

not that i was very happy with my pw results or anything like that.

but i am quite thankful that it happened because it taught me that sometimes in life hard work just doesn't pay off.

you might be the slackest ass in the world but yet something good to you happens.

and vice versa.

meh i'm not that affected anymore but i would just like to say that life is seriously unfair????!!!!!

and we just have to accept it.

screw it, screw those that didn't deserve it.

what matters the most is you know you did your best and don't despair because this is obviously not the end :-)

being able to meet maria for that short 30mins or so really lifted my spirits nonetheless.

but then again it just rekindles a sadness in me that i didn't cherish the times when she was still in school enough.

hope life is doing you some good this year :)

will blog again soon if i can find the time.

countdown to myes: 26 days left

HOLY.

damn k bye.

holidays are ending

i can't believe that this one-week break is coming to an end already.

it's ridiculous - the amount of work we are given to do.
how do you expect us to revise???
screw it, screw cts.
i can barely finish my holiday homework oh bummer.
on a side note i just broke a personal record this holidays.
i watched 3 movies over a span of 6 days.... and i usually watch 3 movies a year.
wowww.
sometimes i amaze myself.

watched the first 2 in cinemas with the excofam and yes they were good!!!

mr. peabody and sherman was my first 3d movie ever.

totally didn't regret it omg, the animations really came to life hehe.

non-stop was probably the first thriller in my life and i guess that's why it got me slumped all the way into my seat.

i was so frightened at what was going to happen next i could barely breathe.

i just kept squealing away and hiding under my hoodie.

i guess cartoons are still more suitable genres for me.

and werewolf boy on oovoo with the exco.

cried like a baby after the last scene.

honestly i didn't think the plot was good, but it was just the last seen that had this long-lasting impact on my emotions.

ouch.

the thought of it is really heart-wrenching.

on a side note they all saw me weep like there was no tomorrow.

as described i was hugging my pillow with a persistent frown and a literally lopsided smile with tears rolling down my face.

:(

sigh #congratsonyourface already.

maybe, just maybe, i'm starting to like watching movies. :)

^ kwangsoo is so damn adorbz omg too cute

orientation blues

 

i. really. miss. orientation.

:'(

insert a million sad faces here.

and the exco.

yeah, it's great how we're close, and i love that, but i think it's kind of a bad thing that i'm so attached to them.

it's the same thing happening again.

i find it hard to detach myself from these people and then after that a whole series of "misery coupled with a little sadness and anger" follows suit.

oh well.

brace yourself for the days, weeks and months ahead jamie.

we are nowhere near a's.

focus on studies, focus!!! 

think about your dream course in uni girl.

you can do it. :-)

the rest can wait till post-a's!

先苦后甜

suffer now, enjoy later